Who pays on second date( but first dinner date)

[Mountainhare]

Prob will get slated for this but just being honest
Second date - but first dinner date- with guy I like.
I offered ( said “ do you want me to...” when the bill arrived) and he said “ yes let’s split it”
He had asked me out for dinner and I feel quite traditional in that it would be nice if the guy who has asked you pays for the first time you go for dinner. Not every date, just in this situation maybe
Prepared to be slated though... thoughts please?

Interesting to see so many people saying they would expect to split as I would always expect the man to offer to pay on 1st dinner date. It's a really kind gesture and just something to keep romance alive.

I’d say it’s horrifying rather than interesting.

He is interested as he asked for another date but it did put me off a little bit

Maybe it’s his way of weeding out money grabbers

Yes op I would be disappointed too.

I met my OH online dating, I had dating fatigue and had decided I was grand on my own so didn't really care if it worked out.

We met in a bar and had two rounds, he got the first I got the second. I wanted to get to know him better so was delighted when he asked me out for dinner.

He picked me up, held the car door open, I got really dressed up, he complimented my appearance, the bill mysteriously was dealt with when I was in the bathroom. It was lovely, felt like a proper date experience.

He has always been generous since but I am generous too. At the moment he's not working and I have no problem being the main breadwinner.

If that first date hadn't gone like that - if we had split the bill and just met at the restaurant - then I probably would have seen him again because he was still charming, interesting, intelligent etc. But it was a lovely experience and moreso that he did it without expectation.

Interesting to see so many people saying they would expect to split as I would always expect the man to offer to pay on 1st dinner date. It's a really kind gesture and just something to keep romance alive.

Hmm, I'm rather baffled at the people who think that man man paying for dinner = romance

I would be put off.

I'm all for splitting the bill or taking turns paying for a night out.

But at the start I would like my date to be more traditional.
Also the not tipping would wind me up.

I wonder if the women who like "tradition" would be happy to give up their jobs and assume the role of a 1950s housewife.

Oh god the minute I read he doesn't tip, I would not see him again.

My dh parents, who are well off but don't like to spend it, embarrass us every time we are in a restaurant with them , the bill could come to 400 for a group of 10 and they would not leave so much as a pound tip. Absolute ignorance . His ds and db also walk out without tipping, leaving myself and dh to tip, or else let the poor waiter go without. Disgraceful

I wonder if the women who like "tradition" would be happy to give up their jobs and assume the role of a 1950s housewife

I think that's exactly what these women yearn for tbh.

I think you should offer to split it and he can either accept or decline that offer. I agree that some might be using that as a way to weed out tight men or gold digger women, but it’s one date - it doesn’t mean anything.

Maybe he’s had an expensive week and would otherwise have paid it all but doesn’t have a lot spare this week. Maybe he thinks that if he pays then he’ll be obliged to let you pay next time and he feels uncomfortable with that? Maybe he’s been on 10 dates already this month and can’t afford to keep paying 100% on dinners when he never sees them again for them to reciprocate. Maybe he would have paid 100% if he liked you more?! Maybe other women have been offended when he insisted on paying as they’d had experience with one of those men who think they haven’t just bought dinner when they pay for you. Someone may have told him of a bad experience and he’s learned to be more sensitive to it?

FWIW my DP insisted on paying on our first date. He said “it’s a thing of mine and not negotiable” - this did speak volumes about him! He’s gentlemanly and generous but also quite traditional and likes things his own way. I was almost put off by it, having just come out of a controlling relationship at the time, but I took it as a romantic gesture and I’m glad I did.

The fact that this guy didn’t automatically take your 50% May point to him being a more equal partner in other ways. The fact that so many women here think they’re entitled to be paid for says a lot about them, not good things I’m afraid.

1950s housewife isn't just about being a SAHM though. It's about defaulting to your hubby on most matters. Even voting isn't excluded in many "traditional" households.

@ChilledBee

I know. I still think that's what these women want. The big strong man that they dress up for

You said he paid for the first date and it was 40?. The second date was actually logically your call in that case as a similar figure. The fact that he offered to split was actually nice of him!

The tipping thing not so much.

He was probably hoping you would insist that you pay for the meal given the first date.

You barely know each other. Why on earth should he paying for two first dates totalling almost 100 pounds???? I would be really pissed off if someone expected that from me!

He is a lovely, thoughtful young man and shouldnt be judged by his attitude to tipping.

Why not? Because for me it would be a deal breaker. I don't want to date anyone who is tight with money and I would never date someone who does not tip.

@KatherineJaneway you’d have loved my ex. We only ate out if he had a f*ing voucher!!!

I insist on paying half to make sure I am not beholden. I spend a fortune getting date ready though. So, if I really fancied him, yes I would let him pay if he really wanted too.

And a non tipper. Yuck. Not my type. I am generous and like generous people in my life.

Fuck, just realised that the man I am dating has never let me pay, in the 4 times we have met. But we knew each other as friends first. And he is French so has v old fashioned thoughts on this sort of thing.

@Aminuts23 I'd have hated that.

I once went for dinner in a large group at a Meetup. The bill came and one woman started faffing about getting her train and put some cash down. The host told her it wasn't enough as she had forgotten the tip but she said she wouldn't tip as the waitress was leaning over her on occasion. Trouble is the waitress had to lean over to serve the people on the other side of the table as there was no other access. This woman huffed and puffed but still left without leaving a tip. I found out later she had form for that behaviour, any excuse not to tip.

Someone should create a tipping thread.

Very interesting thoughts about it here.
I wasn’t aware it was so frowned upon to not do it.

50/50 at this early stage .

I am appalled by the number of women (secretly) expecting a man they barely know to pay for dinner.
It’s 2019 - cough up your share ffs.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with a man paying on a first date. I'd pay for the second date.

Why not? Because for me it would be a deal breaker. I don't want to date anyone who is tight with money and I would never date someone who does not tip

Nor me. I would judge in the sense that I wouldn't date him or anyone else who acts in the same way.

But there are plenty of people on this thread who agree with him, so horses for courses and all that

@LazyLizzy so how long does a man need to be 'traditional' for before you're all for splitting the bill? Until you decide he's worth spending your money on? Is his money worth less than yours?

@Doesitevenmatternow so what did you do on that first date to make him feel special?

@saucyspice is it not also a kind gesture when a woman pays? Why does a man being financially responsible make it romantic?

OP, I wouldn't want to date you. Your attitude is entitled.