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Original poster

Who pays on second date( but first dinner date)

482 replies

Mountainhare · 22/09/2019 07:03

Prob will get slated for this but just being honest
Second date - but first dinner date- with guy I like.
I offered ( said “ do you want me to...” when the bill arrived) and he said “ yes let’s split it”
He had asked me out for dinner and I feel quite traditional in that it would be nice if the guy who has asked you pays for the first time you go for dinner. Not every date, just in this situation maybe
Prepared to be slated though... thoughts please?

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 23/09/2019 14:34

I hope you enjoy the benefits that melodramatic feminists won for you.

Amen to that! For what it's worth, as "raising boys correctly" was brought up. I raise my daughter to pay her way, don't take advantage of anyone or let others take advantage of you and be independent..........I teach my son the same thing

Lilena94 · 23/09/2019 14:34

@itsallverywell are You calling me dumb? Reported.

Lilena94 · 23/09/2019 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

itsallverywell · 23/09/2019 14:37

No @Lilena94, you called Rubicon dumb, per this screenshot....

Who pays on second date( but first dinner date)
Lilena94 · 23/09/2019 14:38

Yeah I did because Rubicon was incorrect

Biancadelrioisback · 23/09/2019 14:39

Raising boys correctly, for many years, also taught them not to express emotions, to bottle it all up and if they cried they were weak. No way will I ever raise my son that way.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/09/2019 14:40

We’re not weak old women. Sorry.

haha, the older you get the stronger you get, I've learned

Everafter1 · 23/09/2019 14:42

But that's not what we're talking about. This thread is about the expectation that men on 1st/2nd etc date should pay

Yes it is what we're talking about. I'm giving instances of treating other people, if were talking about equality then there's virtually no difference. I'm fully aware of how the thread started. This thread has took a turn to the realm of equality and feminism. Points the OP has made about the fact she's happy to contribute have been overlooked & it's taking a bit of a bitter turn.

Biancadelrioisback · 23/09/2019 14:44

most young women aren’t interested in feminism! What can men do that we can’t?

You are incredibly naïve. And FWIW, I'm hardly older than you, so don't speak for "most young women"

Moomin8 · 23/09/2019 14:44

I think this is all getting a bit heated!

My feeling about it is a mans behaviour around money is a really good indicator of what he's going to be like later. People who are tight with money are also tight with emotions.

Does that mean I would try to take advantage? No. But if a guy is whining about leaving a tip and £25 is more important to him than making an impression on his date I'd leave it.

Lilena94 · 23/09/2019 14:45

I'm hardly older than you, so don't speak for "most young women"
Suuuuure you are.

itsallverywell · 23/09/2019 14:49

Right so you’re now saying you’re smarter than me?

I'm quoting from the article that you used to prove feminism was on the decline @Lilena94. Or did you just want to use that article selectively?

itsallverywell · 23/09/2019 14:52

I'm sorry @Everafter1 I can't make the connection between the circumstances you describe and the expectation OP has that her date would pay for dinner? He could have treated her, or she could have treated him?

I treat people all the time. Family, friends particularly those who have it harder than me, my son, my partner. But there's never a transactional element to it.

Wtfdoipick · 23/09/2019 14:55

the op may have said she's happy to contribute but I haven't seen any real evidence of that. I'm roughly the ops age and if he treated me on the first date I would have insisted on picking up the bill for the meal, that to me would have been fair.

Biancadelrioisback · 23/09/2019 15:00

Suuuuure you are.

Oh no, you don't believe me? However will I go on with my day?!

Everafter1 · 23/09/2019 15:00

Whether its treating a family member, a friend, there's no difference. OP has contributed on the dates. I don't think it's a cause for anyone to become so offended.

For me the worst part of it all is the man refuses to tip the staff.

Jennifer2r · 23/09/2019 15:01

"I'm quite traditional"

Said the man who expected the woman to do all the cleaning, and never to change a nappy, and always to have his way about the finances.

Careful what you wish for.

Biancadelrioisback · 23/09/2019 15:03

With regards to tipping, some people don't tip food servers because they don't see a huge difference between a food server on minimum wage and a till operator on minimum wage, and very few people tip a till operator.
I worked in retail and hospitality my whole life and, even though I loved retail, I chose to progress in hospitality because the tips made it more worth my while.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/09/2019 15:05

Said the man who expected the woman to do all the cleaning, and never to change a nappy, and always to have his way about the finances.

Careful what you wish for.

Indeed, cherry picking the traditions. It's about fairness and not taking advantage imo, I'm not saying every bill has to be split down the middle or anything, it could be you pay this one and I'll get the next etc but definitely I would want to leave go of these kinds of "traditions" based on sex because along with them are the bad ones, plus it's just not fair in this day and age where most of us are working to expect the guy to pay just because he has a penis

30to50FeralHogs · 23/09/2019 15:06

There is no ‘bigger picture’ and if you think it’s a feminist issue, you need to get with the times- a lot of young women like me are over that now. That’s not the way the world is anymore

ha ha ha ha! Grin

Good one Lilena94, nearly had me!

All you women who have experienced any form of sexism, casual or otherwise, are making it up because the world isn’t like that anymore! We don’t need feminism because it’s all cool. Nothing to see here.

Lilena, you do realise that some of us “old women” actually LIVE in this world?! Some of us are even - shock horror - dating! And we’ve found that the world very much is like this.

Do you have any DCs Lilena? I’d be interested to know what stage of life you’re at, because many of us melodramatic feminists only became that way after seeing how having children changes people’s perceptions of you as a woman. It’s a real eye opener!

myrtleWilson · 23/09/2019 15:17

Crikey @lilena94 a bit trigger happy with your reporting fingers there - and massively misreading a post.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/09/2019 15:22

Crikey @lilena94 a bit trigger happy with your reporting fingers there - and massively misreading a post.

and I thought it was the older women who were supposed to be the weak ones Wink

itsallverywell · 23/09/2019 15:39

And missing the irony in reporting my post Grin

Turningtides · 23/09/2019 16:28

The story about the monkeys, while interesting, is a bit irrelevant really because we’re talking about human dating rituals here. These are distinct human behaviours and you can’t really assess them in the same way as you would assess other social expectations around potential or equality.

Biancadelrioisback · 23/09/2019 16:32

It's an example. Don't just blindly follow what you're told which many do and claim it's "tradition" but have no idea why it is or how it came about.

Swipe left for the next trending thread