Who pays on second date( but first dinner date)

[Mountainhare]

Prob will get slated for this but just being honest
Second date - but first dinner date- with guy I like.
I offered ( said “ do you want me to...” when the bill arrived) and he said “ yes let’s split it”
He had asked me out for dinner and I feel quite traditional in that it would be nice if the guy who has asked you pays for the first time you go for dinner. Not every date, just in this situation maybe
Prepared to be slated though... thoughts please?

they’re kind of taking you out

No! You are going out together.

You take a baby out. You take your elderly parent out on a shopping trip. You take a dog out.

If he was moaning about tipping that's even worse.

Split, odd that people would think less of a guy for splitting, it's not 1950

He didn’t want to leave a tip as he says he doesn’t tip
I'd need to understand by he doesn't tip.
Unless it was a really good moral reason that would also massively put me off!!!!

Oh yeah the not tipping bit would turn me off him though and I would leave one whether he wanted to or not

I'm in my 30s and tbh if I was on a first dinner date I'd be expecting him to pay too, esp if he asked ME out.

Call it traditional, call it whatever you like, but yes, if I've been asked out then whilst I would offer to split out of politeness I'd be hoping it wouldn't be and if it was then it would make me wonder if I was seeing someone who was counting every penny to make thing "equal" 🙄

The tip thing would really irk me. If the service was poor then fair enough. But if it was decent then a few quid isn't going to break the bank surely?! I don't think I would go out with someone again if they were so anti tipping.

Find another date @Mountainhare This one will forever irk you. X

QueenEnid-Thanks- it’s good to hear that you are younger than me and agree

ime the men who want to pay are more attentive later
I completely agree. Of course it’s no guarantee but that’s my experience as well

AryaStarkWolf-do you mind me asking your rough age. ( as you say to split but would always tip)

@Mountainhare I'm 41

Louisaouisa- do you mean attentive as in more caring and thoughtful etc?

Thanks Arya

Hmmmmm I would 100% offer to split it. But if it's the first dinner date and HE did invite YOU ! I would of thought he would politely decline my offer and pay. Unless you ordered the most expensive steak & bottle of champagne.

Sometimes from experience I see that as a sign they aren't that into you.

itsallverywell the only person drinking alcohol that night was my friend and half a lager in those days was probably about £1.50; her partner was driving also and I don't drink anyway. Should have said that in my post.
My point was that he ordered himself a cheap drink and expected the rest of us to but him a much dearer one.

Also I'm 27

No! You are going out together.

This is dating, not friendship

Gottobefree- I had a Diet Coke and he had a white wine, so I definitely wasn’t running up a big bill!

Call it traditional, call it whatever you like, but yes, if I've been asked out then whilst I would offer to split out of politeness I'd be hoping it wouldn't be and if it was then it would make me wonder if I was seeing someone who was counting every penny to make thing "equal"

If you're in your thirties, surely you've grown out of that kind of tiresome gameplaying where you say something you don't mean in the hope that the man you're dating grasps that you don't really mean it, because you're just an ickle traditional girl who wants to have her dinner bought for her?

And how interesting that you equate equality in dating with stinginess. Don't you think that the man you are dating might think you were a bit tight if you grudgingly offered to split the bill and then sulked when you were taken at your word?

I’m in my 20s and 100% would expect a man to pay for me. A lot of women I know would agree with me; ranging from their 70s to late teens! I don’t think it’s an unusual expectation. It’s just being polite isn’t it? It’s the done thing

@Everafter1 the idea that dating involves some sort of dependency is outdated.

I'm 48 and dated around 3 years ago till I met my partner. The only person who demonstrated the sort of approach OP has was his mum who was indignant with him that we spent a Saturday evening apart when she felt he should have been "taking me out". She was 75, I'd expect that from her generation.

It’s the done thing

It was the done thing generations ago when women generally weren't financially independent. Woman being unable to vote was also the done thing.

itsallverywell dependency? I don't think you've read my posts.

@Everafter1 my comment was in response to yours drawing a distinction between friends going out together but dating involving being taken out. The latter implies dependency.

I'd expect to split, I've always insisted on that even when I was young and I'm 52, only one of my friends at uni expected the bloke to pay. I'm shocked it's still happening in 2019. I would expect a discussion on where to go too.

itsallverywell no no not my stance