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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Third (and final) thread - C nonsense

999 replies

JaysusWept · 21/09/2019 21:59

Unbelievable that this is the 3rd thread and still nothing has been resolved.
I wasn’t going to start this one but if anything good comes out of this shite it will be a Glasgow/Scotland MN meet up!

I know folk laugh at all the ‘DAILY MAIL MAY NOT USE THIS’ stuff, but here’s me giving the scummy DM permission to use this 👋

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
Ash39 · 22/09/2019 08:24

My original post said to just ignore the lot of them and avoid forever. That's still the most sensible approach.
An alternative is to send them all ( not C) the link to all three MN threads... Hmm

RebootYourEngine · 22/09/2019 08:25

What is C playing at? What a bitch. I reckon her dh has been messaging someone else (one of the others in the group) and making out like its you. Now he's playing the 'she came onto me and I turned her down card'

PerkingFaintly · 22/09/2019 08:26

Another who has been lurking from the beginning. I think you're handling this with considerable grace and wisdom, in the face of jawdropping batshittery and nastiness.

I agree very strongly with Carthage today at 06:09:14. DO NOT engage with any of them. You are not dealing with normal, so normal resolution tactics won't work.

If you do want to defend your space against the lies she's telling, still don't engage with C or her little group. (It's pointless, will make things worse, and those people are lost to you anyway.Sad)

What you're trying to defend now is your reputation among the rest of the community.

I like the idea suggested previously of making good use of the local gossipmonger, with the opening of, "Thank you so much for letting ex and I know about this crazy story. That was very thoughtful of you."

Followed by whatever spin you want to put. Eg "I don't know what's going on there, but C does seem quite unwell. I know KMD are worried about her, especially her keeping DD off school." Or whatever – I'm sure you'll come up with something better.

People may know the gossipmonger is unreliable, but they also tend to enjoy the drama (sadly) and repeat things they only half-believe, just for the fun of it. If you don't make that work for you, it will work against you.

My experience is similar to some other posters: dignified silence just gives the nasty person a free run. You have to actively occupy your own space.

magoria · 22/09/2019 08:30

I think you do need to have a quick word with DD's teacher.

Just a simple 'there are some nasty lies being spread about me. I was going to let it go and not cause a scene however I am worried it may escalate I to DD being cut off from her friends. Please would you keep an eye on her'

Hard as it as for you get un there before c.

ChristmasFluff · 22/09/2019 08:30

I've been here since the beginning, and OP did have it out with her - over text, but even so.

Let me tell you this - I know this C type (the ex was one of them), and she is loving this drama. By trying to take the high road, you are actually feeding into it. confronting her now is EXACTLY what she wants.

You have made clear to all that it is lies. This is now a smear campaign and the nly thing left to do is to STOP trying to defend yourself and also stop trying to keep these frenemies in your life. They have shown where their loyalty lies, and look - here they are, telling you what is going on and upsetting you.

As I have previously said, the only way to end this is No Contact. With any of them. Tell them why if you like, or tell them nothing and cut them out completely. Do not be breezy at the school gate - blank the bitches like they don't exist. That way, you no longer hear any of this crap, they don't get to feed anything back to C, it's the end of her fun, and it ENDS.

If anyone outside of this bunch of bitches asks you about it, you say, 'I'm sure you've heard their lies, and if you haven't then I'm not telling you - I've cut them out of my life as I'm sick of their drama'. If anyone outside of their group comes up asking you if what they say is true, just laugh (I mean it, LAUGH) and say 'you know what? Consider the source.' This casts shade on whoever told them the lie without you saying anything. If they persist, say 'it's lies, because C is a liar'.

This is tried and tested (by me). It certainly stopped the school gate drama (the abusive ex's family were always there en masse). In the end it was no fun for him to keep up the lies and he moved on to some other poor sap.

And when C turns on K or L tor M, if they dare come to you for help, give them more support than they have given you by telling them to their face that you don''t give a crap. they are nothing but flying monkeys.

Oh, and your ex wants to get involved because he is of the same ilk as C, and he wants to part of the drama. He will only keep it going even longer. Stop it by going No Contact now. Really.

sheshootssheimplores · 22/09/2019 08:31

Oh I love the advice about starting your own bullshit lie about C on the playground. Start telling people she’s got some mental health problems and her husband ran off with a Portuguese stripper. Lots of sad head shakes and ‘it’s a terrible business’. Then wait for her to come to you.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 22/09/2019 08:32

I would have to have it out with her. Ideally I’d be icily polite and calm and counter all of her accusations with facts. With plenty of witnesses.

I mean, realistically I’d be a snotty, wobbly mess, but at least I’d have said my piece.

ChristmasFluff · 22/09/2019 08:32

I also agree with informing the school.

ChristmasFluff · 22/09/2019 08:34

I promise you, the more you fight a smear campaign, the longer you stay involved, the more you defend yourself - the longer it lasts and the more crazy you look. It's what she wants. Do not engage further.

MarshaBradyo · 22/09/2019 08:35

Don’t use counter drama it won’t work anyway.

Span1elsRock · 22/09/2019 08:36

I would back right off from the bunch of them. They all sound unhinged to be honest. Life is too short for anything like this drama.

There is absolutely no point of dragging the school or others into this - it just makes you sound as batshit as they all are.

Take the moral high ground, block all their numbers and stand at school with your head up high.

confusedrn · 22/09/2019 08:36

De-lurking to say - has anyone considered/thought of a reason why, if C had found messages from Jaysus to her husband, why she had a try at damage limitation after that first text. IIRC, C and L sent OP a few "u ok hun" type messages at first. Why on earth would she do that if all along she suspected an affair ? She's totally bullshitting and it's apparent through her every action. (I know we all know this, but I'm just wondering if it's worth OP mentioning this angle to C if she has it out with her)

ThomasShelbysBunnet · 22/09/2019 08:37

Can't believe this is still going on! They're a bunch of cunts and you're better off without them!
Oh and I am also a Glasgow MNetter and therefore up for a meet up!

jpclarke · 22/09/2019 08:38

Christmasfluff is giving you very good advice, sit back day nothing don't engage with any of them even for a week and see if anything changes

bakesalesally · 22/09/2019 08:39

Are you and you XH on good terms? I would take him up on his offer, in fact I would go round, the two of you, and talk to the two of them, face to face.

Let them know that you are not interested in repairing any friendship, but you do need to clear the air (and your name) for the sake of your Dd.

I would also advise that as things have spiraled so quickly, you are recording the whole meeting, and put the recording device in clear view of everyone.

And then hopefully, C will not be brazen enough to continue spinning her web of lies and you can all live your lives at a safe distance from each other.

PerkingFaintly · 22/09/2019 08:45

Not sure if that's referring my post, sheshootssheimplores.

Whether or no, I'm really not suggesting starting actual lies about C via the gossipmonger. Just enough to turn the focus back on her, and how peculiar her behaviour is. After all, it's completely true that KMD have claimed to be concerned about her.

The only way OP needs to play C at her own game is in recognising this is all about the PR.

Sugartits27 · 22/09/2019 08:48

I think @ChristmasFluff has nailed it tbh. The less said about something the sooner it is forgotten about. Too much protesting, discussing, confronting and so on feeds the situation and keeps the drama going. I believe you were right to defend yourself at the beginning and to set the record straight with the others but even after this they've still chosen to side with C so fuck them.

Don't let your exH get involved. Don't entertain any single one of them and don't allow yourself to be dragged into confrontations about anything to do with C. If you are asked outright by someone outside of the clique then of course tell them it's bullshit but dont go into it too much. This hateful campaign needs to die a death now and the only way that can happen is if people stop feeding it.

Trust me, karma will get C at some point. She will slip up and show her true colours and you'll be vindicated. But for now you need to walk away.

Sockworkshop · 22/09/2019 08:50

Dont confront her or make stuff up .
She has lied already and will continue to lie .
You will be painted as the aggressive,nasty OW and she the poor,blameless wife.
Step out of the game

MarshaBradyo · 22/09/2019 08:53

No don’t go near her. It can get worse.

CandyLeBonBon · 22/09/2019 08:56

Oh op I'm so sorry this is still ongoing ☹️

MarshaBradyo · 22/09/2019 08:56

Will be interesting to see if the H does pick up again.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 22/09/2019 08:59

I think you've dealt with it perfectly OP, C is obviously a very insecure, but outwardly confident person. I think if you'd have confronted her initially about the text message it would have been a platform for her to say that 'you're batshit' and she's have cut you off then. If you'd have confronted her about her lies about her dh, she's have played the innocent victim to a T and you'd have very much been painted the wicked OW. So tbh, regardless what you could, or couldn't have done, would have made no difference whatsoever.

I strongly suspect she talks behind everyone's back, to everyone else, trouble was she was a twat and sent it to the wrong person. I have no doubt she'll do it again, but this time you can sit back away from all the drama and laugh at them all.

Your other friends have never been real friends, real friends have your back and still up for you. You're best off out of it. I live in a small village and if you listen to the playground gossip, everyone is shagging everyone else. It's why I only socialise with a select few

As for your dc, I'd probably just explain that C hasn't been very nice to you, but it's not your dc (or Cs dc fault) that she's not been invited. Kids aren't daft and are also very resilient

SleepyKat · 22/09/2019 09:12

I’ve just spent some time reading the last two threads and am shocked by it all. How sad that your so called friends are standing by her and ditching you. They’ve really shown their true colours. And in doing so are either condoning her telling lies about you or believe her and think you sent the messages.

I guess either way you are better off without those sort of people but appreciate it’s hurtful and hard to lose people you thought were good friends.

I hope they see these threads and recognise themselves and see some home truths about what cunts they are.

MargotMoon · 22/09/2019 09:12

I have to disagree with the majority here. I think all the advice given by @AllModra at 01.23 is spot on.

If I'd lost a group of my closest friends and had my name dragged through the us for something I didn't do I would be making it very clear to those bitches.

Using the template cease and desist letter (which won't cost you anything) followed by the threat of legal action if she doesn't comply might just shit her up and make you realise she has gone too far. Plus it sends a clear message to the others and the gossip in the playground that you will not put up with this shit any more

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 22/09/2019 09:14

I think you do need to have a quick word with DD's teacher.

Just a simple 'there are some nasty lies being spread about me. I was going to let it go and not cause a scene however I am worried it may escalate I to DD being cut off from her friends. Please would you keep an eye on her'

You need to do this for your DDs sake. Ignore the others totally from now on. The sort of person who pulls stuff like this is also the sort of person who will bring this down to DC level.