Third (and final) thread - C nonsense

[JaysusWept]

Unbelievable that this is the 3rd thread and still nothing has been resolved.
I wasn’t going to start this one but if anything good comes out of this shite it will be a Glasgow/Scotland MN meet up!

I know folk laugh at all the ‘DAILY MAIL MAY NOT USE THIS’ stuff, but here’s me giving the scummy DM permission to use this 👋

Do not confront, do not send a letter, don't go round their house, don't get your ex involved. It's all just feeding the drama now. No contact, grey rock the lot of them. K, M and D are not your friends. If they contact you don't reply. Freeze the lot of them out and let C move on to someone else.

Also, something MUST have triggered al this. She was a good friend up til that point then something has happened with her husband. I'd take up your ex's offer and see if he can't get to the bottom of it. As a pp said, men communicate differently so it's worth a try

I’ve been following this from the beginning too. I feel dreadful for you OP.

Welcome back OP.

So, despite being someone that likes to see a good comeuppance, I think you need to close the shutters and rise way way above. Freeze them all out. No smiles at the school gate, no more chats, don’t engage with them. If they come to you, ignore their calls and messages and walk away when they approach. Let them carry on, they’ll likely panic because they’re not being fed by you anymore, they’ll probably get desperate but just continue pretending they don’t exist. If anyone else tries to talk about it with you, tell them you have no idea what they’re talking about and walk away. The crazy bitches will either give themselves enough rope to hang themselves with or get bored and move on to their next victim.

I would however get your ex to have a quick chat with the husband though, just because, like PPs I’m not convinced he’s not blissfully aware and he does need to know.
And I agree that if this does come to affect DD at school, you do need to make them aware but for now the high ground is the place to be.

I'm so sorry it's come to this op. I'd just maintain the hurt approach and make it clear that this is why you don't want anything to do with the lot of them.

I wouldn't try to use the flying monkeys or the gossipmonger. It'll become distorted. The flying monkeys have chosen not to side with you. They've shown that the truth is irrelevant. Messages to them and the gossipmonger will become distorted. The only power C might respect is a direct intervention from you. I'm on the fence about this as silence and intervention both have consequences. Your silence has been spun as an admission of guilt. You confront her (whether directly, through your ex or through a solicitor) and you run a very real risk of making her worse. But this isn't going away even if you turn the other cheek. I'm from Glasgow. I know how this shit sticks for years and could affect your DD. I would stick up for yourself, both you and your ex need to do this for DD's sake. And do not send a C&D letter yourself, get a solicitor to do it if you're going down that route. But make that a next-step for you. First step: use your voice. It's risky yes but this shit is going nowhere and you look guilty in the eyes of the ignorant bitches (K, M and D). Holding your hand.

On reflection I think those of you saying don't confront are absolutely right. C is a whole level of poison that can't be reasoned with.

As hard as it is to remain a dignified silence, I agree that this would be most sensible. What a bunch of horrible women.

What a head fuck this turning into...

I definitely would have it out with C but only in front of witnesses

By deflecting everything on her DH I can't help wondering if C is the one having an affair.
She's certainly a First Class superbitch so nothing would surprise me as to what she's capable of.
Head high OP, you're infinitely better off without 'friends' like them!

When you wrestle with a pig you get covered in mud and shit. The pig loves it.

To be honest @JaysusWept I don't know what other way you could have dealt with this. You did as I would do (being totally non confrontational) tried to maintain a dignified silence and dismissed it as the shite it is.
I'm gutted that C has done this to you and it reeks of deep rooted unhappiness on her part, although to be fair I have absolutely no sympathy for her.
I think the others will need to watch out as likely they will be next, there are obviously problems in her marriage and she's the type who will look to blame everyone else.

It's no consolation, but I'm in Dundee and if you need a chat, I'm in the end of a PM, or can jump on the train/drive through to you and we can 'check in' to somewhere and have a coffee/gin/wine.

I have to say I agree with PPs saying that you need to confront this and put your side out there. No one else is doing it for you.
Whether you do that by a factual Facebook post (you can customise who sees this so you don't worry Great Aunt Ethel) or by confronting her is up to her. The risk with confronting her is that she'll refuse to "air her dirty linen" and just say you know what you've done and try to make you look like a loon.
Your silence isn't helping here and everyone only has their version.
Aside from that, totally agree that you ignore the lot of them. And that your ex tells her DH what's happened.

1. you do NOT look like a twat, you're the only one in this situation with any class.
2. do NOT let your exH get involved. C's husband may not know anything, he may, but it's really NOT worth going around C like this.
3. do NOT bother talking to C about this, definitely do NOT contact her or go round to her house. Stay well away from her - she's dangerous. She is a lying psychopath who will never ever back down, she will gaslight you and everyone else around you, she probably even believes her own lies by now. You will NEVER win against her.

I know injustice stings, trust me. But trying to put the record straight almost never works - the only thing that works is TIME and the others realising that hey, actually, you weren't the problem at all, it was C who is as mad as a box of frogs (I don't mean clinically insane either)

If the rumours start to affect you beyond the school gate then a cease and desist letter might be necessary, even though your belt has to be tight - maybe, if your ex is so keen to help, he would fund this for you. You have to remember as well that he is still with the OW, who would doubtless LOVE all this drama - you don't need to involve him personally beyond a handout for a solicitor.

Other than that, you just have to keep away from them. I agree with not defriending them on FB, don't fuel their drama - but you can Hide them instead, and you can adjust your own settings so they can't see yours unless you do a public post. I have friends who are Acquaintances only - and most of my posts show only to Friends Except Acquaintances. They only get to see Public posts, or the very rare Friends Only posts.

The Whatsapp group - again, don't leave it. Just leave it be and see what happens. I almost never use WhatsApp but have a few convos on there in case people want to contact me using it.

And then just maintain a civil and cool attitude towards them - you are better than them, you are a grown up and they are just silly immature women who thrive on drama - show them that they can't get to you.

I think I agree - that your dignified silence will be taken by some as some sort of admission of guilt.
Whilst you don't want to wrestle in the mud with C's ilk, you probably do need to let it be known that this whole situation is fabricated and nothing whatsoever to do with you.

If your ex gets involved and talks to her H be prepared that C will go nuclear again, there pretty much is no limit for her so she’ll get angrier and think game on.

Those women are going to look like such fools when the time comes for C to turn on one of them.

Rest assured OP, one of those women will know in her gut that C is lying and will probably howl the loudest when the shit inevitably hits the fan in a few months’ time.

Meanwhile you’ll be WELL out of it and can smile wryly from the sidelines.

Bunch of fannies

I dont think the H knows whats going on-prob on a trip somewhere and is coming back to all this shit again-convienient for c makes it look like theyve had a major row but have sorted it out in time for himt o come home

Also I don’t trust the motives of your XH either, he might be using this as a platform to inveigle his way back into your affections.

Take @ChristmasFluff ‘s advice. For your own sanity. Im so sorry this is happening to you op. With my C i just blocked all contact, blocked numbers on my phone, removed from social media etc and flatly refused to engage (difficult as she is my SIL) i screen shot all messages and still have them. I deleted messages from my WA so i didnt have to keep seeing them. The relief was immense. I still have to see her at the occasional family do but i avoid if possible, otherwise its breezy (not bright lol) non commital chat trying to get away at the first opportunity. She tried to converse like nothing had gone off at the last family do (i think that was more for her H and others who have no idea why weve gone from seeing each other near enough every other weekend bessy mates to complete NC- heaven forbid she was wrong eh). Her loss. I moved on and now her space has well and truly been filled in my life with better friendships. Stay strong op and ride this out

I think I agree - that your dignified silence will be taken by some as some sort of admission of guilt.

Me too, though it pains me to say so. People are stupid. It'll just be a case of "well if it wasn't true she'd be defending herself, wouldn't she?"

I really don't know how or where you can put across a dignified rebuttal of the rumours though.

Hi @JaysusWept Another Glasgow mner here.

I'm dumbfounded at this whole thing...

At this stage, after K's mention that C is sticking by the story I'd be doing what other pp have suggested. Type your WhatsApp saying you've been told there were definitely messages sent to her H, that they were absolutely NOT from you and suggest she stop wasting her time spreading false accusations about you, and instead find out who her H is actually chatting to. Tell her to leave you out of it from now on.

Then add her to the group and send it.
Cow.

Just to add, then I'd leave the group (after it was delivered to those you want to see it). And block and ignore the lot of them.

I do think that you should make your DD's teacher and headteacher aware, because if she happens to get upset, they'll know why and they can look out for her. You don't need to make it dramatic, it's for her benefit.
It's time to take action, I would go with your ex to speak to C's DH. Or (and I know you probably don't do this type of thing) clear your name by making a Facebook post. Otherwise people are going to believe the shit that's being said about you. If you don't want to do that then I think you're going to have to move on and sweep it under the carpet, which for me, would be extremely hard. I would have to clear my name.

I do think that you should make your DD's teacher and headteacher aware, because if she happens to get upset, they'll know why and they can look out for her.
No, this is not necessary.

I think I'd take a 6 pronged defense:

1. Speak to your DD and tell her that X's mum (Caroline) has been saying some bad lies about you and her DD might have heard these and tell them to you but they are made up and not to worry. Her Mummy has done this because she is unwell.

(so YOUR DD isn't blindsided in the playground by these kids of bitches.)

1. Utilise the gossip - go up to her and thank her for letting you, through ex, know what was being said about you. Let her know that this all started by C sending a bitchy text ABOUT you to you by accident and everything following is her covering her ass. Tell gossip that you don't even have C's DH number/on facebook. Express sympathy for C and ponder that perhaps she's come off her medication.... so sad really.

1. If her DH sees you in the playground, express your sorrow at hearing they have separated due to C's lies. Hopefully there are witnesses and he says they are not and never had been separated. I'd tell him briefly only her stuff eg on Friday last week C sent a text bitching about me to me accidentally, then has made up a lie that I was messaging you inappropriately when we and K,M? all know that we are not friends on social media. Then she has turned my friends against me and told everyone that you are separated. All this despite her enquiring several times if I was OK after I received the bitchy message. She's clearly unhinged. I think you should be taking her to the GP about her paranoid delusions. I think she needs to be sectioned for her own safety.

1. Speak to the school, DD's teacher and head and briefly run them through events and lies and say that KLMC.. DD's already have excluded DD over the weekend from her party, as normally you and DD would be invited to a sleepover party and cocktails with the others, you are worried they will be nasty or excluding or repeat the lies to DD at school so you need to make them aware. This lets the school also know there was a party at theirs over the weekend, so clearly not devasted, not sick....

1. Post on what'sapp screenshots of C's original message and then all the followups from C and L? enquiring if you were OK and ask the group if they would ask if you were OK if they thought you were chasing their DH? State flat that this all stemmed from C sending a bitchy text and getting caught and now the rest is a made up smear campaign to cover her nastiness. Wonder who will be next to be targetted by her, say don't come crying to me, she's clearly unhinged and believes her own lies. State : I don't and never have had her DH on social media. Then leave the group, block the whole alphabet of them on WA, FB, text etc.

And if C approaches you in the playground, loudly say: You need help. You're deranged. You actually believe your own lies.

And walk away.