It’s not up to him to tell you what a betrayal is. It’s how you feel. You don’t owe him reasons. He owes you.
My ex cheated, sexually and emotionally with several women. He was most ashamed of the sexual encounters, when I found out.
He totally gaslighted me and to this day says that the women he was ‘just friends’ with, were perfectly okay. He even said I was controlling and stopped him having friends, because I’d complained that he seemed to prefer his two female friendships to me, and I’m sure he moaned about our relationship with them, as they also complained about theirs. Much of it while I was pregnant and at my most vulnerable.
To this day it is these female friendships that cut me the most. That betrayal was the hardest. And still is. These women I still see around and the way that they look at me... I can’t describe it’s this awful humiliation of them knowing stuff, intimate things, of how they were chosen to have laughs and coffee, or drinks with my DH, texted multiple times a day, would text him at night if they wanted. It was so intrusive and made me feel so dowdy and second best. I’m not a jealous person, and had never been made to feel so rubbish before.
Ex will never understand about those friendships, that they were basically a way of distancing and demeaning our relationship, a bit of a bugger you I can do what I want with anyone I want. And a way of getting validation that any problems we had, it was all me, as these women, who looked up to my Ex (quite charismatic and in one case their boss) - would hang on every word and put the boot in.
Earlier on, when I was more naive, I knew about these ‘friendships’ and thought, that’s fine men can have women friends! So invited them over, or tried to include in nights out. DH didn’t like that, and nor did they, very frosty. It’s a clear sign. So are multiple texts. And moaning about the relationship, also a clear sign that this is not on. Get rid of him!