Is my DO having an affair?

[brightside20]

Hello all.

Going through DP phone tonight.

Came across a conversation between them and a long time mutual friend.

They have been talking everyday. 100s of messages.
Some of them are about me. And how awful I am.
Messages about their weekly coffee meet ups.
Multiple kisses on every message.
He's sending a good morning message everyday.
Silly names for each other again used everyday.
Inside jokes.
Some flirty banter etc.

They have similar interests etc. So am I reading too much into this?

TIA. Don't know what to think and panicking.

The messages are about sex lives, their preferences. How that if they shared a house she wouldn't be allowed clothes on

I am normally of the mindset it's your life, don't leave because posters tell you too, whatever you decide to do isn't necessarily final, but in this case you need to leave. He's taking the piss and controlling you. Thankfully you are married so you get half of everything . You have to let him have the other half. See a solicitor ASAP and good luck.

Your husband is a sleazy, disloyal, horrible bastard.

Get screenshots and get him out on his arse.

100% emotional affair and he is taking for you a mug saying they are just close. Why would you get nothing if you divorced?

OP you need to seek financial advise. Why do you believe you'd be left with nothing? What assets does he have? Does he work? Do you? Do you own the house?

He's the type of person that would make sure I have nothing.

I've always thought that if it's not physical it's not cheating but this has knocked me for 6

Do you really have to ask. Sorry op

Rented house.
He's retired. I've not had to work since before kids were born.

Maybe I just don't understand the difference between flirting and banter.
The fact it's everyday is what's upset me. Whenever I'm not around.

I don't want anything from him.

Please see a solicitor. You are entitled to a lot more than nothing.

I just want to ring her and ask her what the hell is going on!

He's told me not to dare ring her and start something just because I don't want him to have friends and I'm neurotic about it

He is going to end it with you. You need to be proactive and make a plan so he doesn't get the upper hand and swipe the rug from under you.
You don't need to ask her. You've read the bloody messages.

What does he have?

Lovely, go and see a solicitor, make sure you know exactly his financial position and do it all before you confront or have you confronted about this already, this is not a ‘friend’ this is a relationship under your nose. What a nasty bastard

Well even if its not been consummated (sp?) their relationship has clearly overstepped a boundary - you dont send pornographic texts to your friends!

I could not stay with my dh another minute if he was doing this. He has zero respect for you.

You do realise you are entitled to half of everything if youre married?

He's said that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and I'm obviously seeing things differently. That I'm the reason we can't have nice things or friends because I ruin it.
I'm under instructions not to contact her and involve her in our mess.
I told him it was his mess and he's walked off

We have a joint bank account and joint bills etc.

Oh my god even IF nothing physical has happened he is having a full-blown emotional affair, betraying you, your marriage, and your entire relationship. I am sorry to be blunt, but this is right in front of you and you are ignoring it. Everyone is telling you the truth and how this is NOT NORMAL, which you know, please please realise he is scum and confront him!!!

That's called gaslighting.

Do you have no savings etc?

I mentioned the whole affair/ relationship thing and he said he was disgusted I would think this about him and our friend. That she has always stood by me and has never crossed the line.

I've had this woman in my house.

Ruin him!! He can’t take everything, even if he wanted to. Take advice I wish I’d taken- don’t discuss any more with him. Get legal advice, get your own bank account- move half the money. Plan your life without this piss taking bastard

Please research gaslighting. It's what he's doing to you!

Please see a solicitor. You are entitled to a lot more than nothing.
This op
You are worth so much more than this . Even if he isn’t having an affair, (he is ) the level of disrespect he has shown would mean I would would be ending this relationship sooner rather than later.

I'm not ignoring it. I'm just confused as I thought we were getting on.
This has never happened before and only seems to be the last 12-18 months they haven't gone a day without speaking.
He's making me feel like it's normal to talk that much

I've had this woman in my house.
I bet he has too