Break up support thread 3

[herbsmokedchicken]

We’re all still here...

Ah @Katexoxo so sorry to hear that. Were there any signs before you got the job or you think it's very recent he made the decision? It's really hard...

@herbsmokedchicken it's so up and down isn't it! I actually saw a couple of unflattering photos of him on facebook and thought 'fuck it why do I care, hes with another woman' 😂 but other times I feel panicked and bereft. I think as time has gone on I've gradually got more used to the idea hes gone. I know what you mean about holding out hope as it's two months until he leaves, I wonder if mine will decide in a few weeks he made a terrible mistake and leave the new woman. I doubt it though, it's all become very official and he had a relationship with her previously so seems likely itll continue.

@Jonsnowsghost how are you doing?

@rowlett any news?

I know I have been super busy but I’d hope he’d understand because it was an amazing opportunity for me, he’s been very ‘off’ for a few months, shouting at me for seeing my friends cos I’m ‘already out enough’ but equally wouldn’t plan to do anything with me when we were free, he’s my world and my whole life plan has just had a sudden stop, can’t stop crying, I’m a teacher so don’t know how I’m going to stand infront of my class tomorrow without breaking down

puffin yeah so up and down, grief is definitely not a straight line! I’ve just spent my evening defrosting the fridge tho so hopefully sleep a bit better tonight, I’m tired now!

Ah kate I’m so sorry you have to join us

Howdy, back from my three days in the wilderness! It's been great. Unfortunately had a lot of thinking time, so thoughts naturally went back to him. Which sucks. It is awful how they can just decide that that is that, you're not important in their lifes anymore. Been thinking a bit about the v.unusual WhatsApp behaviour and (probably wrongly!) Hoping it means that all is not perfect in new relationship land 😈 he can be a bit difficult (which I didnt mind) so I hope that he is showing his true colours now!

Hi all just joining in... bf broke up with me on Sunday at 4.30am, by text, while drunk on his way home from a night out. We had a brief chat through text but he wasn't making much sense, the most I got was that 'he's no good' so I left it till later on when we had both had some sleep.

Text him Sunday late afternoon to see if I could get an explanation for the break up, he replied 'I'm too hungover to get into it right now' and I haven't heard a thing from him since.

Found out yesterday he was back on tinder??

I wish I could flip a switch and not care because I know I deserve better than this but I haven't stopped crying since 😢 I feel so pathetic!

Sorry to hear you are all struggling too, hopefully we can support each other through the shit times x

He sounds like a right prick. I know your instinct is to want to cry and beg him but he obviously wants to shag about and as sick as that makes you feel, it shows you deserve better. One day he will come crying begging for you back and you'll be so over him you laugh at the idea of it.

I'm sad thinking of my ex with these girls he's talking to but then I think so what? He's made his choice and he will miss out on so many of my good qualities, none of them are exactly what you'd expect him to go for, and he's expecting me to be hanging about for him. So he can fuck off. The longer they leave it and the more shit they pull, the more it drives a wedge between you and the idea of being with them ever again. For example, I'm embarrassed that my ex is going crazy with a few younger girls on social media etc. gross.

@Jonsnowsghost I’m so glad you had a good time! Yeah get what you mean about them being able to just decide that’s it, like how is that fair? Having spoken to him tho it’s clear he hasn’t changed his mind so guess it was the right choice. Are you still away?

@Bleubell sorry to hear that but what a wimp! Obviously doesn’t have the nerve to explain his reasons! Poor you

@TinselAndKnickers take it you weren’t feeling great last night how are you feeling now?

I’m actually feeling ok this morning, still thinking about him but not feeling as sad or flat as I have been. Don’t entirely trust it tho as I’ve had this before. But the fact that I can even feel ok is a good sign. Was thinking about it last night and I think in a way, as much as I’m sick of feeling sad, it’s like there’s a part of me that isn’t ready to not feel sad, because feeling ok means I’m accepting it and means it’s really over.

I'm still sad but I'm not letting myself mope if that makes sense - it's next week he said he'd meet for lunch so I'm just going to see if he contacts me first cos there's no way I'm going to be the one to do it!

Yeah def don’t make the first move!

Couldn’t go to work today, I’m such a mess. One of the hardest things is he has a little boy that I’ve spent 5 years building a relationship with and I love him to bits, knowing I’ll just never see him again breaks my heart

Yes this is my last day. Its hard to think that that was the choice he made, he'd rather ruin me and our relationship for someone he'd just met. It makes me so angry and sad at the same time. I miss him a lot even though he's a twat 😅

I just re-read my thing to you and when I said about him not changing his mind and being the right choice I was talking about my ex, just realised could be misconstrued!

Yeah it’s sad, A hated being single but he’d rather be alone than be with me. Not feeling tooo bad today but not exactly feeling amazing either.

Just saw a picture of romesh ragananthan and my heart didn’t skip a beat (he looks so much like my ex) maybe I’m on the mend haha. Still don’t think I could watch him on tv yet

Ha spelt his last name wrong, apologies to Romesh who I’m sure is watching this thread

@PuffinSock ahhhh thanks so much for thinking of me I'm an emotional wreck, lol. No still no update unfortunately, but everything else about the situation is still the same (e.g. it doesn't yet look like he is SPECIFICALLY ignoring me, more like ignoring everyone if anything). A few of his main group of friends who he's known for years and years went to a birthday party sometime over the past week (god I know I'm so creepy for the lengths of online stalking I go to but in my mild defence he himself had chatted to me about this group of friends before a little bit so I already knew they existed lol) and they posted photos etc and no sign of him being there whatsoever, which is unusual because they would normally all go to events like that together. Again it honestly almost seems like he'd died except that, you know, SOMEONE from his group of friends would have posted about THAT surely.

I suppose the three options now are:

1. Something bad has happened to him
2. Nothing happened to him and he just doesn't care
3. He does care and is having some kind of mental block/personal crisis

Well, all three aren't too great but the last one is what I'm (yes, still!) hoping for and there is some precedent for it being the case... although all three leave me knowing nothing really. I didn't sleep well last night even though I was shattered because I just couldn't stop my mind going over and over everything. Think I had a few unsettling dreams too. Had an early start and long day at work but it wasn't too bad because I was on with some of the best coworkers to joke around with and talk nonsense to so that was a distraction. But now I'm home again with plenty of time to feel sad and overthink. I've always really liked Halloween so I bought a few little silly window sticker things the other day to try to cheer myself up but they just ended up reminding me that HE really liked Halloween too and I'd hoped we could do something together I just don't understand at all.

Well that's my little (lack of) update, going to catch up with everyone else now

@Katexoxo I'm sorry you've had to join us I can see the pain in your words, it's an awful feeling. It sounds like he hadn't always treated you very well over the past few months (is it possible he was in some way jealous of your amazing opportunity/the fact it "took time away" from him although of course there is NOTHING wrong with a new job being a priority for a little while! you did nothing wrong). Either way 5 years is a very long time though, the end of my 6-year relationship a few years back was very difficult (I later realised he was a bit of a narcissist etc but at the time it was awful).

@Jonsnowsghost I'm so glad you had a good time away, time in the wilderness sounds ideal right now trying to forget that the guy in my situation was really into hiking and camping and I thought it'd be so fun to do that with him ahhhh there's just never any peace is there. If we're not checking their activity we're thinking about them anyway.

@Bleubell you are not at all pathetic, don't say that! What your ex did would shock and upset anybody. Very low of him to instantly be back on tinder/be on tinder before he even broke up with you, one of my coworkers' boyfriends did that (the fomer) and it seemed very disrespectful. Sorry you're joining us but the support here is wonderful

Oh and @herbsmokedchicken, "apologies to Romesh who I’m sure is watching this thread" actually made me chuckle quite a bit!!

@rowlett my friends all say he’s a very selfish person but I know I could’ve tried to prioritise him more.

it’s such a weird feeling that not only have you lost the person but also the life you’ve planned, just feel empty about the future now and worried about being able to find someone who I could still have that life with. Evenings are the worst. Hope everyone’s doing ok x

@rowlett that is such a mystery! I hope you manage to shake it off a little soon but the not knowing must make it hard coz I suppose you don’t really know how to feel

Well today I’m probably feeling the best I’ve felt in a while, not happy as such but without that constant flat feeling, however I don’t entirely trust it...going to enjoy it tho lol

@rowlett it's the not knowing that must make it really hard, you are only trying to find answers by looking him up on social media. I hope you get some answers soon.
I feel like absolute shit this evening. He was waiting for me when I finished work after he attended the counselling session I had arranged for him( he asked me to arrange it). It's my birthday tomorrow and he's given me a card saying thank you for being a good friend with £100 in it. I don't want to be his friend, I wanted to be his wife. He then proceed to say he hopes i have a nice weekend because he's going to an event with his new girlfriend and how he's bought a new outfit to go. I just walked away. Like I wanted to hear that when I'll be spending my birthday weekend alone!! I've opened the gin and am going to cry myself to sleep. Sorry for the long post, I needed to tell someone and I've no one to tell in real life.

Hi Romesh! Glad you are on the thread

@rowlett honestly I would keep stalking facebook, he has to resurface sometime...

@Jonsnowsghost time to think can be hard, but maybe it helped you process?

@Imagiraffe sorry you had such a crap time, are you feeling any better now?

@herbsmokedchicken I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I wonder if seeing him and discussing has helped a bit. I know its really up and down though, be kind to yourself.

Well at work today I kept nearly crying I've had some text chats and hes apologised, said he loves me but he has been on and off with this woman for several years and hes been wanting to commit to her in the past...I don't know if I'm being biased but I dont hold much hope for a relationship which needed an ultimatum to get her to commit. So hes living with her in another area now my heart is broken, but maybe this is what I needed to move on. Its crap to be second choice he said he genuinely loves me and is sorry, I dont know if that makes it better or worse.

@Fullsteamahead god the vinegar thing is just the definition of petty isn't it no need for that at all, you're right to just rise above it and breathe although I know that's hard. Hope you're ok today.

@Puffinsock sorry just going back to your other post, yes the unanswered questions are the hardest I had a few after my last big breakup (later answered after he had a fit of conscience when his life started to go tits-up lol) but this is somehow actually worse! Your situation sounds so crazy too, like how can people just switch like that... I'll never understand it no matter how many times I hear of it happening. Maybe it's just because it's something I know I could never do to someone else.

Yeah it has a bit, just sad really, I miss being so close with someone, and having that constant companionship.

@rowlett Thank you. Today has been a good day, my DSs bday and nothing could possibly go wrong. OH has been sulking for the last couple of days, think the sudden realisation of the fact he is moving out finally hit home. He's been overly nice which somehow infuriates me even more. My DD is at a boarding school and hasn't been well for the last couple of days, today I mentioned it to a friend of mine whilst OH was near. Later on he got cross and said how come he didn't know about dd. I said have you tried calling her lately? Answer of course was no, he said that she never once called him since the start of term and that was his excuse for not calling her! Sorry for ranting, deep breath and back to enjoying the last few hours of a nice day.