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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Break up support thread 3

999 replies

herbsmokedchicken · 20/09/2019 21:01

We’re all still here...

OP posts:
PuffinSock · 21/10/2019 22:19

@rhubard39 I'm so sorry Sad it's a horrible feeling I know. I hope you are ok x

TinselAndKnickers · 21/10/2019 22:22

I'm so so sorry @rhubarb39 it's awful. It never gets better being let down - but it's shown you his true character. Remember that xx

Startingoveragain1 · 21/10/2019 22:41

@rhubarb39 I agree with tinsel. Shows his character and thats not what you want or need in your life. He is being a selfish twat, dont grovel op. Dont do it in front of him or to him anymore. Dont give him the satisfaction. He doesnt deserve u. Lots of hugs xxxx

MummytoCSJH · 21/10/2019 23:01

Are my posts not showing up Confused

rhubarb39 · 22/10/2019 10:46

He messaged.. Apologising.. Family thing.. Not good enough as far as I'm concerned. Says he promises he will call tonight.. I've lost the will

Notcoolmum · 22/10/2019 12:08

No not good enough @rhubarb39

I think I'm finding contact with my ex too difficult. He doesn't want us back. Just to keep an eye on how I am.

@MummytoCSJH no I haven't seen any posts from you.

TinselAndKnickers · 22/10/2019 16:48

Block his fucking number! Off with their heads Grin

Marie84 · 22/10/2019 18:26

How is everyone managing to get through each day? It's been nearly 2 months now and I'm still struggling as much now as I was back then 😔 I can't stop crying it's awful. I have no desire to do anything other than sleep and cry.

Sallyseagull · 22/10/2019 18:29

Just found this thread. Been with husband 15 years, have an 18 month old and sllit 2 days ago over something so trivial that I feel hes just used as an excuse to split.

I'm heartbroken for my son and for the relationship that I thought was great but now, looking back, was actually abusive on his part. I want to cry all the time but I have to be strong.

Startingoveragain1 · 22/10/2019 20:02

@sallyseagull youve come to the right place. You dont know it now (i dont know it either) but you will be ok. In time. We are all confused, shocked, heartbroken and down right pissed off at what we are having to go through but we are stronger than this. And if you read othet threads most women fibd bigger happiness when they get over the grief. Hugs

Startingoveragain1 · 23/10/2019 09:12

Hey @rhubarb39 did he call?
@mummytocsjh i havent seen your poata either love.
Hope you are all well xxx

rhubarb39 · 23/10/2019 11:32

Hi, sorry to see new people have joined😞
He did call.. We had a v long talk.. Was up and down and initially I wasn't sure what he wanted as expected a negative but he wants to try and work through it all. I'm sure this will go down like a lead balloon on my other thread but.. I've told him im thinking about it all
Hope everyone's getting through stuff as best they can.

haplessharpie · 23/10/2019 12:22

@rhubarb39

You do what is right for you. I'm glad it wasn't overly negative for you. Hopefully you are a bit more calm now and can really think about what you want.

Startingoveragain1 · 23/10/2019 12:55

Thats fantastic news, now you can relax a liytle and actually think things through without some of the pain you had. Im so happy it didnt end up being another horrible experience! XxxX

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 23/10/2019 13:14

@rhubarb39 I haven’t kept up on your other thread - but you don’t have to stay on it if it kicks off, you can just bow out quietly and let it die then come and hang out with us

OP posts:
rhubarb39 · 23/10/2019 13:31

Thanks all, as I said not sure how I feel.. Men are so useless in ways at portraying actually how they feel.. Why is everything a guessing game

Notcoolmum · 23/10/2019 17:59

@rhubarb39 so where do you go from here. Are you going to meet up to chat? Was this a phone call?

I think it's hard to know what you want when you have been dumped. I've spent the last 5 months wanting my ex to want me. And if he did now what would that mean? Would I want him or would I just want not to feel rejected by him? Can you forgive the pain caused and not be full of resentment or doubt?

I think it's different for you @rhubarb39 as this was very recent so it's more of a bad row and I'm sure if you choose to, you could work it through.

grecianurn82 · 23/10/2019 18:03

Hi, can I join in. Just finished with my girlfriend of almost 2 years. I ended things and I know it was right thing to do, we wanted different things and the relationship just wasn't going anywhere. We've ended things a couple of times before and ine of us has always suggested trying again. I'm determined not to do that again. It's just going round and round in circles because nothing ever actually changes. I'm dreading the next few days because I know how awful I'm going to feel.

rhubarb39 · 23/10/2019 18:52

Not cool hmm good question.
I let him do most of the talking and told him what I did/didn't want and if that didn't sit right over the phone was a good way to end it without seeing me cry, he didn't so? However it was odd as I felt calm and just said it's getting late so..silence.. He says 'ill call you' I replied ok.. He said 'I WILL call you' I replied yeah I heard you..
So far no messages between us or calls.. Feels odd yet I'm strangely calm. Don't know what the next move is really.

TinselAndKnickers · 23/10/2019 22:10

Thats's weird @rhubarb39 but as long as you feel okay. How is everybody else?

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 23/10/2019 23:03

SO much better than I was a couple of weeks ago...but still miss him so much and still think about him all the time lol. Freaking me out that soon he’ll be moving away and I’ll never see him again but I think also that’ll probably help me move on. I’m hoping one day we can be friends again tho as it’ll all be over text and hopefully be easier to maintain with no chance of meeting. It’s still a way away but I’m really hopeful one day we can be friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 23/10/2019 23:06

How are you @TinselAndKnickers

OP posts:
rhubarb39 · 23/10/2019 23:09

Tinsel it is.. I'd heard nothing by 10pm so messaged him something I thought he'd find funny (normally he would) and he's sent 1 word answers back. Everyone on the other thread was right, I've been an idiot😢

TinselAndKnickers · 23/10/2019 23:14

Block him. You deserve so much better than someone who's keeping you around just in case!

Herb I'm glad you're feeling better significantly! It's a funny old thing.

I've stopped waiting for him to come back now and I actually feel sorry for him the way he's been acting like it's so not him and I think it will hit him one day. I made myself sad tonight by looking at old pictures but I have to remind myself of the reality behind it. Smile struggling a bit daily just because I'm so busy - I know once I stop being so busy I will crash. So weird how fast I changed my mind though! Hoping it happens for you guys soon x

PuffinSock · 23/10/2019 23:15

@Notcoolmum that's a good point - would you actually want him and trust him if he came back and started chasing? I'm actually considering cutting mine loose and blocking him. I have no idea what he wants and I dont think he does either. He has said his emotions are all over the place and have been for a while. But I'm not here to convince someone to be in a relationship with me. It's all too much of a headfuck. I think I will tell him I'm cutting contact and he can contact me in the future if he feels able to maintain a proper friendship (we started as friends). He cant argue with that.