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Original poster

Break up support thread 3

999 replies

herbsmokedchicken · 20/09/2019 21:01

We’re all still here...

OP posts:
Startingoveragain1 · 19/10/2019 23:40

Rewatching "joker" and i swear i relate to him...lmao
He is gonna bring his daughter from monday. (So he can make a go appointment here during the week) the he is going up north to his parents for a couple days.going to give him a leave date when he is back .im on a moving on tip now. No man is gonna mess with me again. Im too old and tired to take it lol

PuffinSock · 19/10/2019 23:54

@startingoveragain1 lol yes dont let any man mess with you. Hope you're ok.

@Notcoolmum how did the friendly chit chat develop? I guess no harm in friendly chat, but do you think he is using it for reassurance and back up plan? Mine continues to message every week or so, but my replies are short and just bright and breezy. Firstly because I dont see the point in discussing anything further with him and secondly because if he ever did want to get back with me then he will have to show his worth. I'm always friendly though. I wonder if one day I will be friends with him, but I'm not sure how possible that is if you've previously been in love.

rhubarb39 · 20/10/2019 09:02

Startingover good on you, I hope I can find some pisitivity
Puffin, I couldn't be friends with my ex.. Would be way too hard.

Well he's read my message, I imagine late last night as I was up till late. I had an awful dream about him, hope it's not a sign.. The waiting begins😞

Jonsnowsghost · 20/10/2019 09:16

Woke up feeling so sad, really missing my ex today. I hate it as I've been doing quite well but I can't stop thinking about how he's waking up with her and how they're probably planning a fun day but I'm lonely and have a boring day ahead of me. Urgh.

Startingoveragain1 · 20/10/2019 09:28

I just sent him a soppy message (while he was still in the house) sayin what a shame it was that hes throwing in the towel when we have spent the last year working like maniacs to be in the potition to finally move somewhere smaller closer to his family and kids where we can get a mortgage and get out of the rat race (we are in that position now)i just finished another degree while working FT so im in a better position for the future together. Dont know why i sent it. Its not like he doesnt know it. Im crying now feeling sorry for myself. Meh.
@rhubarb39 he needs to grow a pair and stop messing you around. These men a literal t*ats.
@johnsnowghost hope you start feeling better as the day goes by. Whats happening to you will happen to them in the future. Just wait and see.

rhubarb39 · 20/10/2019 10:14

Jonsnow crap isn't it
Startingover aww poor you.. Hope the day goes quick..I've got 2 friends inviting me for roast.. I've no motivation.. I know exactly how you feel.

TinselAndKnickers · 20/10/2019 10:47

I'm in the stage where I am like "fuck him"

This Is On You by Maisie Peters is on repeat

rhubarb39 · 20/10/2019 11:07

Tinsel wish I could feel like that in ways, I just keep thinking of our great memories and I'm so upset

Startingoveragain1 · 20/10/2019 11:39

I keep switchin between tinsels and rhubarbs stages. Constantly. One minute he can do one. The next i think about all the xmases and birthday and moments together. Ima lose the plot .

Notcoolmum · 20/10/2019 12:10

@PuffinSock he messaged me out of the blue and asked if we could meet. So we had a brew. I had no idea what he wanted and came away feeling sad and bruised and confused. Then a couple of weeks later he let slip he'd had some serious health worries and he'd wanted to talk to me which is why he got in touch. But it didn't felt right when we met for him to just let Rip. It was clear when he asked to meet he'd not taken into account my feelings and the 4 months we'd had in NC.

I invited him over for a brew and a chat. He says he's not talked to anyone else about it. Then we seem to have evolved into friendly texts. It's a bit weird as I spent so long wanting to hear from him. Wondering what he was doing etc. And I can see he misses me but that he still doesn't want a serious relationship with me. And I'm no longer sure what it is I want from him.

rhubarb39 · 20/10/2019 12:56

Not cool that's got to be so hard.. Youll care about him but will want more.. Its so confusing and hurtful.
I guess if yiu know he doesn't want anymore you have to say you can't be friends, I couldn't cope with it tbh.
Still no reply..my friends just called me and said he dp has dropped the bombshell he's not happy, she's so upset, we're both ranting away.. I'm so on edge..
Off for lunch with my friend so I don't pace the house anymore

Notcoolmum · 20/10/2019 13:25

It is hard to navigate. It's clear he's still attracted to me. But I wanted a grown up, committed relationship with him and he wasn't able/didn't want that with me. I liked it when he was here. But when he left I felt a wave of emotion and cried.

PuffinSock · 20/10/2019 14:39

@rhubarb39 I hope lunch is a long one and takes your mind off him. It is so hard.

@Jonsnowsghost it's horrible I know, I hope your day has got better Sad

@Notcoolmum that's a curious one...he was a casual relationship where you both got much more involved and fell in love I think? Did he go back to his ex? Sorry if I've got confused. I think if hes confiding in you and wanting to chat then he definitely misses you, particularly on an emotional level. Hes clearly not getting what he needs from his life without you. Plus you know hes physically attracted to you. I am not sure what is best to do next...I guess he needs to know he might lose you if hes not trying to return and commit.

I've had a bit similar from mine. It's been a couple of months and hes living with his ex. I make no contact but he is in contact weekly with messages and it's clearly secret from her as if I reply then WhatsApp says sent but it doesnt deliver until he reactivates his account. He knows I have no interest in being the other woman. But I can only think he misses me and telling me about work and his family etc implies that he wants to keep an emotional connection to me, maybe their relationship isnt what he hoped, who knows. I suppose it's hard to walk away from someone who loves you.

@TinselAndKnickers Good track, Pink 'Who Knew' is great too Grin

Notcoolmum · 20/10/2019 14:45

@PuffinSock I thought we were serious but he pulled back. He was separated but not divorced and so things weren't settled with him and his ex. He definitely misses me. But isn't ready for what I want. And I can't do casual with him.

Jonsnowsghost · 20/10/2019 14:46

I just feel a bit sad when I read on here about exes getting back in touch because they're missing them and I think mine would never miss me and would never get in touch :(
Even if I do deserve better than him!

Currently binging a terrible series on Netflix because I have a massive crush on one of the actors 😅 he's my future husband (he doesn't know it....)

Notcoolmum · 20/10/2019 15:41

Haha what are you binge watching @Jonsnowsghost

I was convinced I'd never hear from my ex again. Certainly didn't expect to see him again. And it hasn't really helped. I was getting over him and this has brought things back up.

Jonsnowsghost · 20/10/2019 16:07

What/if...it's so awful but Blake Jenner 😍

I dunno, just feeling down, thinking about what he did and stuff. It probably wouldn't be good if he got in touch but I can't shake that sad feeling that he will never miss me and he'll be with the OW forever :(

Sure I'll pull myself out of it soon

PuffinSock · 20/10/2019 16:28

@jonsnowsghost I love a good binge on tv, especially Game of Thrones Grin I reckon it's just personality types that depend on whether they contact or not. I'm sure yours does miss you but hes just not the type to contact.

@Notcoolmum that's interesting. Sounds like hes confused and he has interest in you but needs to resolve the situation with his ex wife. It's possible he will get to the point he feels able to be serious with you but I agree its dangerous territory and it messes with your head when they contact then pull away. I'm the same, I cant be proper friends with mine. I'm sure he misses me though and has doubts, I'm not willing to be the fallback girl though.

That website you recommended was so good, it said you can be friendly without being friends, which I just right I reckon.

Jonsnowsghost · 20/10/2019 16:31

You're probably right :( I read that website too which is why I went nc and also hid from social media but it's not really worked 😅

Notcoolmum · 20/10/2019 16:40

@Jonsnowsghost I loved what if. But couldn't believe how skinny RZ is.

@PuffinSock exactly. I'm no-one's fallback girl. I only really wanted to hear from him if it was to say he's made a terrible decision, couldn't live without me and was willing to do whatever it took to make it work. What he came back with was much more meh. But him being ill confused things a bit as I care. And was happy to listen.

Friendly bit not friends. I'd say hat is the perfect description for what we are.

Jonsnowsghost · 20/10/2019 16:46

@Notcoolmum it was a bit disjointed, like the main story and the side stories didnt make any sense together! RZ looked so odd, and her acting was strange...but it was easy viewing and I did end up watching all of it!

PuffinSock · 20/10/2019 16:50

@Jonsnowsghost well you know you've done the right thing then. He may come back in the future but hopefully you'll be in an amazing situation and may not even want him back.

@notcoolmum I can understand that, you care so want to be there. Sounds like you've pitched it right if you're friendly but not friends, I think he may well contact more and try to get closer again as he obviously values you being in his life, but I dont know how that plays out longer term. It may be at some point you want to casually mention you're dating, so he knows you're not stopping being friendly but also you arent sitting around waiting for him to change his mind.

Notcoolmum · 20/10/2019 16:54

@Jonsnowsghost and @PuffinSock must be hard knowing your ex is with someone else. I wouldn't want to be in touch with mine if he was back with his wife. That would def be game over for me. I am dating someone else who is being really lovely to me. I've kept him at arms length for a while but I'm wondering whether I could start to let him in a bit more now? I don't want to get hurt again. Or hurt someone else.

Jonsnowsghost · 20/10/2019 16:55

@PuffinSock yeah maybe, and then I wont want him! I just feel sad that, like you've said to not cool, that he doesn't value me in his life. But I should have realised that when he cheated on me... :( this is also very confusing! Just a bad day. I'll hopefully be better tomorrow!

Notcoolmum · 20/10/2019 17:02

My last long term relationship cheated on me @Jonsnowsghost it was horrifically painful but at least I knew for sure it was over. I wouldn't have taken him back after that. We both dumped him at he same time (complicated situation but neither of us knew we were the OW). But he went on to marry someone else he'd been 'friendly' with at the same time. So god knows how many of us there were on the go.

I always think a man who behaved so badly couldn't be capable of real love and won't ever settle with one person.