Break up support thread 3

[herbsmokedchicken]

We’re all still here...

How's everyone doing today?

Imagiraffe I saw your posts..was it the end of sept you broke up? Are you still trying to work things out now? Whats that 3 weeks? I guess I'm hoping I'm early days and there's hope.

Ive tried to catch up on the latest posts.. I'm really not with it half the time.. Still in shock mode and trying to work is v hard.
Not heard a thing.. Don't know 100% how he feels overall.. Have I even written this already (may have put on my other post) that when I left he asked me to stay for a cup of tea.. I've wound myself up partly over that, in my head it's because he wanted to talk.. In my head it's because he selfishly wanted to allow me to leave on his good note..im still glad I walked out but its just.. Silence😢
He was back at work today.. I'd love to be a fly on the wall.. He will probably just say all was fine like I've done.. Sad really.
Last night I went to screen shot something he'd like that was funny.. I then had that sinking moment of 'he's not going to see it' and had a total meltdown just as a friend arrived.
I want him to 'try' but I know deep down he finds it a huge effort. Sometimes I sit and now analise how long he's been unsure.. Thats enough surely to try and shut off.. But I can't.
I think of the times he was sat on holiday stroking my leg, he even kissed my head.. I was so desperate to try and kiss him but was so scared of rejection I just froze up.. Was he 'trying' or was he just 'being nice' I guess I could torment myself forever over it.
My friend suggested an email after a couple of weeks of not hearing anything.. Just so I can explain how I felt and he could read in his own time. I personally think he knows exactly how I feel and what's the point of begging someone.
Again not sure if I wrote but I found some bits in the suitcase.. The more I think the more I'm pretty sure he must have seen at least 1 of the items (1 he'd want, 2 wouldn't be fussed) yet I suspect he didn't see them or he's just not asking for them back.
There were some other bits I was going to reply to but I can't even think.. I'll come back to it

Sorry to hear this @rhubarb39
What one nice thing will you do for yourself today? A nice bath? Watch a film? Start a book? A walk? Something kind and just for you. 💓

Not cool mum.. I'm going out later for a family birthday.. He was supposed to be coming.. Thats complicated though as my family are hard work and I told him I understood if he didn't come.. He was though.. And that's why I love him because he'd support me.. So yeah I've a meal that I don't want to go to because of them as much as him not being there.
I doubt he will even remember😞

Sounds even more important to do one nice thing just for you today as you have a tricky social engagement to get through. It's so important we are kind to ourselves. Even if all you can manage is a nice biscuit or a short bath. Make time to be nice to rhubarb. You deserve it.

I'm in the same boat as you @Notcoolmum just can't be arsed to mope and be sad when he couldn't give a toss. The worst part is, he does love me and does in fact give a toss, and hasn't written me off completely, but he is choosing to not be with me as he is "happy" as he is "for now". I must do the same! I've got a lot going for me despite all the trauma the last 3 months has thrown at me.

I can only hope and pray by the time "they always come back" we are all healed and moved on.

I am speaking to a new guy! Nothing special and I don't even know his last name but it helps to have a flirt and the knowledge you could still pull is nice

Thanks..
Tinsel your post made me think 'I love his name' my partners.. Can't even bring myself to write ex yet.. I love his name.. I love the fact everything was a positive and I don't think ill find that again very easily 😢😢

@TinselAndKnickers I think your ex is cruel to leave you hanging like that especially with if I recall rightly you have posted about your m/c and illness. The kindest thing he could do would be to set you free instead of making you feel he has one foot in the door. What about your happiness? How can he be happy when you are going through such trauma (separate to the break up) why is he not helping you through your loss and illness? He sounds very selfish and lacking in empathy.

Not feeling too bad today but it’s weird that this time last year, I was desperately waiting for my late shift to finish so I could see A because god forbid we had to wait until the weekend to see each other again. Now I haven’t seen him in nearly four weeks, before that it was like eight weeks, and we probably won’t ever see each other in person ever again.

I know it’s not exactly an unusual situation, my friend was with someone for 5 years and now has absolutely no idea where in the world she is or what she’s up to, but I find it so bizarre that you can go from being so excited to see each other and so happy to just like...nothing. It’s weird.
Humans are weird.

It is quite crap. He's lovely when he is there, but I always need to ask him to be there and I'm done chasing. I find it so so hard to give up with people but I have to do it.

Yes I’ve spent time chasing people before, friends as well, and it’s so demoralising

Same - it's all I ever do. Need to stop. I love him my whole heart but if he's happy without me then so be it.

Oh god I'm hurting - I put a story up (reposting someone else's) about baby loss awareness this evening and he saw it but hasn't messaged. I know he will feel too awkward to. I think it's really really over. I give up. I'm really really sad. I know logically I need to move on and he won't care but it doesn't take away my hurt.

I suppose it must be really difficult to know what to say. How are you feeling today? Seen lots of those awareness posts, so sad.

It’s so hard to make yourself believe it even when you know it. I still half expect to get a text from A

I feel really sad - just want to crawl into bed with him. He will never come back. I know that and I don't care but it's still sad

@Tinselandknickers I'm sòrry to hear you are still feeling so bad tonight. Life is so cruel isn't it. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone xx

Morning all.

Sorry we are all feeling a bit crap! In a lot of ways I feel I've moved on a lot, I no longer feel panic I wont ever see him again etc. I just feel very depressed and unmotivated now as I can see that I naively was so happy, fun, loving with him and yet without me realising he was planning to leave because his ex said she wanted him back to live with her so he just went.

I think has has contacted me since out of guilt/ego boost/fallback/probably genuinely misses me, I've never initiated contact. But I will continue to ignore him. Just pretty sad when you loved someone and they drop you for someone else.

I'm going away for the weekend with my kids in a few weeks which I'm looking forward to, going to have a break from seeing anyone/dating.

Morning @PuffinSock I'm pleased to hear you are looking towards the future. Have a fabulous weekend with your children. It's a great idea to reconnect with those around us and ground ourselves back into our lives. A break up can be all encompassing.

My act of self kindness today is to tidy my bedroom. Not very exciting but I deserve to sleep in a calm and relaxing atmosphere. I'd have made sure it looked great if he was coming over. Well I deserve that for myself too.

Feeling quite melancholy this morning, I tend to in the mornings as I remember it's another day without him :(

I've made some horsey plans for the future so I'm going to focus on that rather than relationships. I know my ex is never going to contact me again, deep down I have this tiny hope that he would but my brain needs to realise that it probably wont happen.

Yeah I felt a bit crap this morning, I loved waking up with him.

Good idea to focus on other stuff, I am going to do the same - my life is very stagnant, has been for years so I need to change that.

I struggle with the hope as well, I’ve said before on here, it’s like this disconnect between what I know and what I actually believe. It’s frustrating.

That sounds so positive @Jonsnowsghost and @herbsmokedchicken 👍

@Jonsnowsghost I would be wary of assuming he will never be in touch. I assumed the same and guess what?! And now I'm dealing with how to handle that. Because if they get in touch it's unlikely that anything will have changed. So now I'm dealing with the change of staring at my phone wishing he'd contact me to looking at inane messages and wondering whether to reply. Because then another inane message will appear...

What nice things are you both going to do for yourselves today?

Well he's with his new girlfriend and guessing he's super happy so I am but a distant memory!

I'm at work, but it is food shop day so might treat myself to some chocolate later :)

@Jonsnowsghost maybe you could block him then. So you have removed his ability to contact you and you have out yourself back in control. I find just as you are getting to a good place, that's when the text comes and it really sets you back.

Chocolate sounds like a great idea 👌

@@TinselAndKnickers I wish I could give you a big hug. I know you miss your ex a lot but can you imagine treating someone you love the way he is treating you. Is leaving someone to get through what you are experiencing (and I assume the baby was his?) the way you would treat someone you loved. Is that what love looks like? I wouldn't remove myself from a friend I loved going through that and say I was happy on my own. I'd be there to help them through it. As I'm sure you would too.

Sorry we've all woken sad.. When does it feel better? I honestly feel he's one of those people who ill always want back in my life.. I've never felt that before. I try and tell myself the negatives but the good outweigh any bad
I had a family meal last night, it was awful for so many reasons, I should have never gone. Got home and just cried so much at the thought that everythings so crap.
Walked into the bathroom this morning and saw his stuff sitting there.. Breaks my heart. Later I'll be putting it in a bag away as triggers me as soon as I wake up😢
Wish he'd cheated on me.. Wish he'd said he doesn't love me anymore.. Anything to make me feel angry😭

@Notcoolmum well I have the house to myself tonight so going to try some meditation, my friend keeps urging me to try it, I did day one on the app he recommended but not done any since!