Break up support thread 3

[herbsmokedchicken]

We’re all still here...

@Imagiraffe please act with caution. He left you for someone else. And now is leaving her? Is this the sort of man you want to be involved with?

@herbsmokedchicken I used to have a habit of checking through our thread before I deleted it. One night I saw he was typing in it. The message never came but he has since said he wrote messages a few times and then thought better of sending them. Gave me a huge shock to see 'typing'.

Please be careful. Don't let him have his cake and eat it too. That's my fave phrase at the minute

@Notcoolmum yes I usually only do it when he’s offline although I know I shouldn’t do it at all! Really don’t think he would have seen but I must stop doing it.

@Imagiraffe agree that you need to think really carefully here - would you ever be able to relax? Is he honestly someone you’d want to be with after what he’s done?

It isn't as simple as it sounds, we had a very traumatic year last year. He lost his brother in tragic circumstances and I lost my only grandchild. He's had a breakdown, that's how all this started. I love him dearly and I believe he loves me. I may be wrong but I truly believe we can make this work. It's going to take a lot of hard work on both sides but I'm willing to give it my best shot.

Wish you all the best but put yourself first.

Take it a a day at a time and see how it goes but I can also see where you’re coming from.

Thank you for your kind words, hope my real life friends will be understanding too. If I don't try I will never know so I've got to give it a go. I will be taking it slowly though

@Imagiraffe I agree take it slowly, also take time to think, it's really important for any future relationship with him that he knows he has to show you respect or you will leave. Otherwise he knows he can do anything he likes, cheat and be vile and you'll always take him back. I'd frequently be telling him that 'I need to think' and take some space from him.

Vinie, nearly 3 months.

I feel quite strong today. Still feel shit and miss him but feel good in myself knowing I can't stalk him (I could if I wanted to lol) and knowing I've made my choice. He knows where I am.

That’s good! I have been feeling a bit shit most of the day but not too bad this evening. We’ll get there.

I will probably crumble again soon lol. ughhhh. Oh well onwards and upwards.

It’s definitely not a straight line is it!

Nope! Not at all.

I woke up missing him again. Can’t stop looking back at our old msgs and photos. Going to be another gloomy day I think 😥

Ugh so tired. Always struggled with getting to sleep but it is obvs worse now, I lie down and all these thoughts come rushing in. So I leave off sleeping till the last second but doesn’t help. Hate it.
Late shift tonight, I’ve just about gotten over how sad they make me thinking about him and how after a late shift we went for what turned out to be our last meal together, but I remember this time last year when we’d just got together I had a late shift and he picked me up after and we went to his cos we were so infatuated with each other we couldn’t possibly wait till next weekend to see each other.

I hate this. Like I know it happens all the time, but why did it have to happen to me?

Def stop looking at pictures and texts @Vinie! Difficult I know, I still do sometimes but always makes me sad. Can’t bring myself to delete the chat tho, our whole relationship is played out in there. He probably has tho!

Still here. Still broken. He got away with it.
The OW won't know about the bruises.
Stop looking Vinie. It won't help.

The second I stop thinking about him, his mum likes my picture! Piss off

I feel so weird now I've made a decision to try and move on. I don't want to really but.

After an emotionally draining weekend I feel a bit brighter today. I've reminded myself that I forced our argument that causes us to break up. And I did that because he wasn't giving me what I needed. He was treating me like we were serious whilst also keeping me separate from his life and not making a commitment to me.

Do I miss him? Yes. Do I still think I deserve a grown up, mutually committed relationship? Yes. Is he offering me that? No. Am I going to settle for crumbs? No way.

So yes I'm hurt. I miss him. I feel rejected. But I also know that I am worth more than settling for crumbs from a man who didn't want to be with me. Or at least not in any meaningful way.

We all deserve better. Are they sat posting on the internet how much they miss us? Of course they aren't.

We are all worth much more than this.

@herbsmokedchicken honestly delete the chat. You will panic. And then feel a huge wave of relief. No good can come from rereading things that were said 6 months ago. We can't move on whilst dwelling on old messages. It's not NC if we are reading old messages, looking at their social media. NC means full on cold turkey.

So sorry to read how sad we all are..
Notcoolmum your post stood out, you're right, they're not posting like we are, mine isn't even in contact with anyone (as doesn't have many mates) and doubt are looking through old photos reminiscing like we do (although it's one thing I haven't looked at and need to delete but feels so final) I've had moments of 'he will message' but I know he won't.. He showed his ability to go blank on holiday.. If he can do that with me next to him he's sure as hells gonna cope on his own.
It takes my all to turn my phone on due to his photo.. I'm so devastated😭

@rhubarb39 I read some of your post. What a low life to do that to you. Can you delete the picture from your phone.

I met mine last week and he has kept our messages and photos. But he enjoys looking through them. They aren't torture to him. Or a reminder of what he's lost. They are happy memories that he gets pleasure from. Which just shows how differently we feel about this.

I'm done with moping. He doesn't deserve to be the centre of my thoughts. I need to put myself centre stage now.

@herbsmokedchicken I hope things will get better for you. I know how it feel, everything I do and see always remind me of him. I try not to look at them but I just can't help it. I also find it hard to delete them, so many good memories.

@BrokenHeartedAndBruised try and hang in there, hopefully things will get better.

@Notcoolmum you're right, he wouldn't be sitting there thinking about our past or feeling sad that I'm not around. I do agree that we all deserve better. I hope I can be as strong as you and can finally let go and move on with my life.

@Vinie please don't think I say this flippantly or without feeling. It took me 2 months to delete our messages. And it's taken me 4 months to get here. But today I say I'm done with moping. I deserve to put myself first and start to feel happy again.

There's a quote about not making someone a priority when you are just an option for them. We are all worthy of being someone's priority. And we should all make ourselves our own priority right now.

Let's all list one positive thing we are going to do today for ourselves.

I'm going to go to yoga 🧘‍♀️