Break up support thread 3

[herbsmokedchicken]

We’re all still here...

Light then ended heavy. I've ended the conversation very clear on where I stand and made it clear he can get in contact with me.

I've deleted him off Snapchat so I can't check his score, and I've taken his emoji and pictures off his contact baby steps but I'll get there. He needs to see he can't have his cake and eat it too, as hard as it is for me. I feel shit because as well as mourning our relationship I'm now grieving something extra on top of that and I wish wish wish wish he could be there through it but of course he won't. I can't beg him. I need to let him go as hard as it is. I love him. And I'm just sad overall.

Wby?

Just went on a mad one - muted & blocked from seeing my posts on everything, blocked on messenger so I can't see when he's online, blocked on WhatsApp! The only way he can contact me now is texting me or calling me. Which he can if he wants, he knows where I am

Yes so hard that you’ve got this additional grief and all your health worries on top, it’s an absolute shit of a situation.

Removing his emojis from his contact fucking broke me when we split! That and when halfway through the first day I realised I needed to change my lock screen.

That’s good about the blocking! I’m switching off last seen on WhatsApp as from tomorrow, obsessively checking when he was last online is doing me no good. I have a feeling he’s changed his audience on FB as no posts for ages, he doesn’t post much but I have a feeling, so I’m not going to block him on there cos nothing to see. Tbh I have a feeling when he moves back he’s going to unfriend me. I just need to try and move on. Nearly end of our anniversary and tbh I will admit a tiny part of me was convinced this would be the day he’d come back. Like I knew he wouldn’t really lol but still. Sigh.

Hi all, I saw this thread and immediately feel like I’ve finally found a place I can relate to and express my feelings.

It’s my first ever proper relationship and I don’t know how to cope with this break up. We’ve been together for nearly 5 years and now he basically chasing someone else, block me on all social media and don’t want anything to do with me. I feel so hurt and lost and empty 😢

How can guy just throw away the relationship without trying to work on it?

I am so stupid! An utter idiot. I met up with him last night, watched a movie and he asked me to stay. Ended up in bed and I asked him why he's wanted me to meet up. His answer was because I give better bjs. I left straight away. Once he promised I'd never be alone, now I fell more alone than I ever have. I almost ended it all last night, but it's morning so I failed at that too. I'll just carry on and go to work as normal but another big chunk of me has broken. There's not much more to go.

@Imagiraffe do you have anyone to be with you today? Please reach out to a real life friend and let them know you are struggling. Or ring the Samaritans. I'm so sorry your ex was so vile to you. But that isn't a reflection of your self worth. It's a reflection of his character.

@notcoolmum I'll just go to work, maybe this feeling will pass but I've literally nothing left. My son has huge mental health problems and is very abusive my ex was the only thing getting me through. Now I'm just the other woman who gives good bjs. Life's just not worth it alone

@Imagiraffe your son needs you. You have to be strong for him. Please seek help today. Keep in touch with us all on here and let us know you are safe.

@Vinie that’s horrible, this is my first relationship too, we were only together 9 months but we were very intense so was a bit like the level of a longer relationship and it hurts so much doesn’t it? There’s too many stories of people throwing their relationships away so easily. But you can say whatever you want here, get it all out.

@Imagiraffe I feel so sorry for you. He sounds vile. Please be strong, and like @Notcoolmum says, reach out to someone IRL.

Sorry in hindsight “please be strong” is a useless thing to say.

And yes do keep in touch with us on here

@herbsmokedchicken sorry to hear that it was your first relationship as well. It just hurt so much, I caught he him flirting with a girl online once even said that he doesn’t have a gf, I confronted him with the msg, he said, but he didn’t cheat because it’s not physical. I broke up with him that night, but when he came begging for another chance, I was weak and gave in. I feel so stupid.

I also just found out from a mutual friend that a week after we broke up, he already banging his sister friend, who I pointed out he like and got told I was delusional. How could he do that, it’s only been a week. I’m still hurting so bad and his out there having a great time. I can’t eat or sleep, it so painful, I can’t even function properly. I love him so much, it so unfair that I’m suffering and his not.

He sounds like a wrong ‘un and you’re better off out of it but it’ll be so hard to see that now, I know.

@Vinie.
Same as you only not my first relationship.
Still broken. Bruises gone.

broken how are you doing? Aside from broken.

Have just remembered something I meant to say earlier - twice now I have laughed really hard at something, like a really big belly laugh, and then as soon as I’ve stopped it’s been a battle not to burst into tears! Only stopped myself as I was with my family, if id been alone I would have been crying. Never happened to me before now. Very odd.

Hi herb, thanks for asking. How are you?
I don't feel like I am getting any better. It's been a while now and he obviously doesn't care if I am still alive or not.
I just seem to veer from depressed to angry and back again.
i could do with a belly laugh.
And a hug.

@herbsmokedchicken my friends said the same thing as you, they think i'm better off, especially after seeing how me treated me. i haven't had that happen to me before, feeling like crying after a big laugh. Maybe it remind you of a memory you had.

@Broken can i ask how long has it been for you? I don't feel like myself, I cry everyday and everything just trigger my memories of him. I can't even eat without crying since the food remind me of the time we went out to dinner. I wonder when the pain will disappear.

I think maybe it was because it was such an extreme reaction, more so than usual laughing plus laughing and crying are fairly similar reactions, so think it triggered it! Very odd.

A few of us have been there on the not eating, I lost eight pounds the first two weeks, my appetite is mostly back now but this weekend I didn’t eat much.

I’m ok thanks @BrokenHeartedAndBruised but the same in a lot of ways like you, I’m better than I was but the last month or so I’ve not really progressed at all. It’s frustrating. I wish you could see how much better off you will be without yours tho.
No one who can treat you like that deserves your love.

I now have come to the conclusion that he must be a narc. I was totally fooled. For years. I still have no idea of what was really going on.
I still don't have much of an appetite. I am eating but only because I make myself eat.
I haven't heard from him or made any attempt to contact him.
I feel like I want to punish him. I doubt that he has a conscience.

Good that you’re eating even if you’re not enjoying it, at least you’re getting fuel into your body. Obviously I can’t relate to your experience but I imagine it’s going to take time to pick apart what was happening and what he is really like

Well I just nearly pooped myself! I said a few days ago I’d gotten into a bad habit of typing messages into our WhatsApp chat then deleting them which I know is a dangerous game as I may well press return by mistake. Was typing out some tragic missive and he came online! Don’t think he will have seen I was typing, if my chat isn’t archived I’m sure it’s right down the list and I deleted it all really quick but made my heart pound. I think a part of me probably wants to get caught but it won’t lead to anything good, just hurt feelings all round. We’ve said all we can say. Just need to go back to using my notes app!

@Imagiraffe that was an appalling thing for him to say to you. I really hope that maybe it will give you motivation to cut him off, he doesnt deserve you and there are men out there who will treat you so much better, like you deserve. I am really cross on your behalf.

@PuffinSock I know it’s disgusting isn’t it?

Oh dear @Imagiraffe that's bloody awful - he's a big fat cunt bag. Please hold on - we are all here for you and you can be as miserable as you like here

Sorry to hear everyone is feeling shit. I'm trying so hard to be strong but my god this is painful. It's the fact he's not closed the door for the future he's just hoping to be single for a bit then come back if he fancies it. Don't think so mate.

But who am I kidding

He's messaged to say he's sorry for what he said last night, that he was trying to be light hearted but he obviously got it very wrong. Anyway.... he just text to say he wants me back and has told his woman that he's leaving her. Don't know what to think, I'm terrified