Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Break up support thread 3

999 replies

herbsmokedchicken · 20/09/2019 21:01

We’re all still here...

OP posts:
Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 18:47

Sad Flowers oh man I’m sorry

OP posts:
TinselAndKnickers · 07/10/2019 20:36

Its okay - I'm bleeding a lot today so quite worried (tmi but this doesn't ever ever happen) so even more worried now Sad

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 21:07

Oh dear, that must be horrible Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 21:07

Sorry slightly pathetic reply on my part there!

OP posts:
Dazedandconfusednc · 07/10/2019 21:14

Checking in, it's been a while! I've taken 10 steps backward. We met up yesterday as friends and of course all the feelings came flooding back. It was like old times and there was definitely tension of the unmentionable kind Blush
Honestly what I'd give for this never to have happened Sad
I don't know how to move on...Or how long I should wait to start getting myself back out there!?
It was a 4 year relationship and I don't want to dwell but on the other hand I'm not ready to cut contact (something that I would have to do if there was anyone new on the scene as it's pretty disrespectful to keep talking to an ex whom I'm sure I'll always love on some level)
Life's a bitch!

PuffinSock · 07/10/2019 21:17

@herbsmokedchicken please dont beat yourself up about the delay in starting dating etc, honestly I'm pretty sure none of those things will have made a difference. He has made a stupid decision and in the future I suspect he may well regret it, when hes with someone less amazing who doesnt even love him like you do. Sadly I think he has to work this out in his own time, you've done amazingly to walk away and I think that will really focus his mind.

@tinselandknickers your health comes first, I'm really hoping you get good news this week and I have to say his behaviour has been really disappointing. I hope you can relax and feel better soon.

I've not heard anymore for a few days, just ignoring his messages he sends once of twice a week. I've been busy at work and had a good evening with the kids, as time goes on I see more with my head that I couldn't rely on him even if he wanted back in my life. My heart still loves him though.

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 08/10/2019 08:29

Morning all, how are we feeling today? I’m so tired. Had a big crying session last night. Just can’t stop thinking about it! People say not to dwell but when the thoughts come in, sometimes they just won’t go away! Hoping after what would have been our anniversary on Sunday I might start to feel a bit of closure. Ugh god I was so happy and and optimistic!

OP posts:
Jonsnowsghost · 08/10/2019 09:06

Slightly better than yesterday, was feeling really low yesterday. I still want to talk to him all the time, I can't stop thinking about what he's doing with her, whether he's living with her etc which is unhealthy as I have no idea!

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 08/10/2019 09:16

It’s so frustrating isn’t it? I want to be over it already! There’s nothing we can do so we need to move on but it’s so hard! Whenever I try to imagine meeting someone new I just end up remembering when we first got together and how exciting it all was, and then l remember later on when it wasn’t exciting anymore but just calm and lovely. Baaaaaahhhhhh why has this happened! What a knob! I’m the best thing that ever happened to him! Ok I’m the only girlfriend he’s ever had but I’m still the best one...

OP posts:
Jonsnowsghost · 08/10/2019 10:55

I really think it'll be at least a year until I could go out dating again :( I will really struggle to trust anyone.
We were both each others second longest relationship (both had 4 year relationships previously, but both of us were early twenties then) and I was surprised as I'm so picky and dont just settle for anyone. I really enjoyed his company and all he did for me and I hate that I took him for granted :( I know it's not my fault he cheated and left but you can't help feeling it. He wasn't perfect and I think we did have some issues that needed to be talked through rather than bottling them up until it got to the point that he chose to cheat (again, I'm not to blame!! Repeat to self x 100) and I am so so genuinely gutted that it is over between us.
I only hope that one day he will think about what he did and regret it. I know it's not likely but I can hope.

Jonsnowsghost · 08/10/2019 11:04

I remember when I took him to meet my family, my grandma whispered to "not let him go" and I did :( I'm so sad

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 08/10/2019 12:30

Ugh yeah everyone told me how perfect we were together and it all just seemed so meant to be! No idea when I will feel ready to date, but it’s such a shit dating pool here and it took so long to find him, even once I am ready I’ll probably be single a long time. It’s just unfair. It’s stupid to say as life doesn’t understand “fair” or “unfair” but it really isn’t bloody fair.

OP posts:
Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 08/10/2019 12:47

But you didn’t let him go, he let you go, that’s his act. Maybe we both could have done things differently our end but ultimately it’s not our fault.

OP posts:
Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 08/10/2019 18:54

Oh god I miss him so much. I’m kind of hoping that our anniversary will lead to some closure cos I’m still struggling so much to truly believe it’s over, there’s still a tiny part of me that expects him to come back. I feel so fucking lost.

OP posts:
Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 08/10/2019 18:54

Well it’s not even our anniversary really since we didn’t get that far, been trying not to call it that.

OP posts:
TinselAndKnickers · 08/10/2019 20:52

Sorry everyone's feeling shit - I fainted again at work. Not eating - something isn't right. I feel so lost.

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 08/10/2019 20:57

Oh dear, is it Thursday you’re at the doctor? Have you managed to at least have something plain, like crackers?

OP posts:
TinselAndKnickers · 08/10/2019 22:16

Yep, have got a specialist hospital appointment Sad I've eaten some rice and a bit of chicken but just feel so sick. It's like heartbreak plus the extra!

MummytoCSJH · 08/10/2019 22:20

Hi - break up happened dead on 6 months ago yesterday. Out of the blue and not my choice. No contact since July. Had a huge cry last night and now really missing him. Been ok for at least 6 weeks. Don't know what's wrong! Can't stop thinking about it. Hope you're all ok?

PuffinSock · 08/10/2019 22:55

@Jonsnowsghost please dont blame yourself you did nothing wrong, he did as he chose to cheat Angry no one is perfect so the little stuff you may or may not have done didnt drive him away. I know it's really hard but if he cheated on you he may well cheat on her too...

@herbsmokedchicken the anniversary will be really tough Sad be kind to yourself. It's so hard when you felt so happy something would work and then it feels like its snatched away Sad

@TinselAndKnickers such a hard time you're having, my heart goes out to you Flowers you're amazing.

I've had a crap day. He still messages me every few days/week or so and I ignore as what is the point in replying? Hes making no effort, just 'hello' messages like hes bored or guilty Sad I feel in the grumpy stage at the moment, i know if he said he had made a mistake and was coming back I'd be so happy, which makes me sad to think what could have been. Maybe I'll meet someone else one day, but my heart really isnt into dating at the moment.

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 09/10/2019 07:48

That’s good that you’re ignoring tho! It’s so horrible to think what could have been, like I really thought this was it and I’m still struggling so much to truly get my head round it, it was such a shock.

OP posts:
Jonsnowsghost · 09/10/2019 08:04

I wouldn't be replying to "hello" messages either. I want heartfelt! Isnt he with someone else?
Another day, another day without him. Instagram has removed its "following" page so I can no longer stalk photos he's liking etc, probably a good thing as i always see stuff i dont want to on there 😅 thanks Instagram for helping me out!

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 09/10/2019 09:05

I’m really glad they removed it, I didn’t know it existed and I’d been merrily “liking” all sorts of mopey memes and stuff

OP posts:
TinselAndKnickers · 09/10/2019 13:14

I saw him today - I walked right past him and didn't even look at him, but I could see he watched me walk all the way across the room Shock felt so powerful hahaha

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 09/10/2019 14:32

It’s a dated phrase but, you go girl! I like it!

How are you feeling today?

I feel sick. Too much bread/pastry at lunch, I never learn.

OP posts: