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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Break up support thread 3

999 replies

herbsmokedchicken · 20/09/2019 21:01

We’re all still here...

OP posts:
TinselAndKnickers · 06/10/2019 21:47

Thank you everyone Thanks

Herb you bloody better stop it!!! It's a risky game, take it from me 😂 ugh I'm so sad he doesn't give a fat fuck about me!!!!!! If it's bad news I think I'll tell him but either way I'm going to tell him I can't be his friend. Don't know when

PuffinSock · 06/10/2019 21:56

@TinselAndKnickers I feel he has been awful to you Sad you have been so strong and dignified but he has let you down badly, even if a relationship isnt right for him at the moment he should be being kind and supportive to you, I'm so sorry Sad

@herbsmokedchicken maybe write the messages in blank emails (no addresses to risk sending Blush) or handwritte a letter but dont send? Unless you feel there is something you would feel better to get off your chest that you didnt cover when you met him? I definitely felt better when I'd said my feeling and then walked away, heartbreaking as it was.

Sorry to all the new joiners...hope the board helps you too Smile

I've had a fairly sad few days. I've got nothing left to say to him since hes in a distant town in a new relationship. He seems to be texting me still every few days, but I haven't replied. I dont know if it's possible to be friends? My guess would be that I would end up seeing him occasionally if he visits, we would probably end up sleeping together. I can see how that works for him, but for me it would just be a heartbreak. So I guess I just keep ignoring and leave him to get on with his life.

TinselAndKnickers · 06/10/2019 22:00

You are so strong Puffin Star well done. It's very sad but thank god you can see sense! Thank you x

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 06/10/2019 22:04

@PuffinSock I have an ongoing note in my notes app that I add to but for some reason have been using the chat function, it’s only a matter of time before I press send by mistake so I must stop!

OP posts:
TinselAndKnickers · 06/10/2019 22:13

I have started another thread asking for tips on how to move on Sad hoping to get some responses. Feel free to pop over Grin

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 00:33

I’m so tired but every time I try to sleep I start crying 🙄 stupid brain!!

OP posts:
TinselAndKnickers · 07/10/2019 07:28

I had a fucking awful dream and now I'm a wreck. Sad oh god I can't get through this week

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 07:45

Dreams are the worst! They linger and it’s horrible but you will be ok, it’ll shake off. Fucking sucks tho.

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Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 09:33

How are you feeling now? I just feel so flat and sad. My period started today which doesn’t help. I think this weekend is going to fucking suck.

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Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 11:00

Ugh I just hate knowing that I would be getting all excited for our anniversary and instead I’m just sat here feeling shit.

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Jonsnowsghost · 07/10/2019 11:40

Feeling flat again today too :( I've been binge watching Glee whilst knitting (don't judge) and in the later series there's a new character that looks like my ex :( and then I ended up having a dream about this new character 😅 it was a nice dream but still made me sad :(

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 12:49

I quite want to re-watch Glee but only the first couple of seasons! I need to pick my knitting back up as well.

I still can’t watch Romesh! Sorry mate, I’m sure you’re still reading this and waiting for me to come back to you.

Feeling a bit more cheery now I’ve had lunch but still not feeling great. This time last year I was so desperately in love with A, wishing he felt the same way, and now I’m in the same position! Except this time last year it turned out he did feel the same way, whereas now I know he doesn’t.

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Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 12:50

The dreams fuck you up eh? They linger!

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BrokenHeartedAndBruised · 07/10/2019 13:21

I have been having strange dreams.
I feel shit too, if that helps anyone.
Hugs.

TinselAndKnickers · 07/10/2019 13:31

I've had to come home from work today because I'm in so much pain, physically and emotionally. It's awful Sad sorry everyone else is crap too

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 13:56

Oh that’s horrible, the physical pain is probably heightening the emotional pain I expect. What are your plans? Hot water bottle, painkillers? Stupid film on tv?

I just had to make a booking for work at a restaurant that was on the list I had just started of places we still wanted to go to. We only ticked one off in the end, the last meal out we went for and I didn’t know it was our last (tbf neither did he but he knew what might be coming!). I know I need to delete it. I deleted all my profile pics with him in - not the actual pictures, I’m not going to do that, but just the profile pictures since they are public.

Fuck. Why has this happened? Why the fuck has this happened to me?

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TinselAndKnickers · 07/10/2019 14:43

Lots of adminny stuff as I'm working from home, watching TV and lots of tea!

It hurts. But at least the deleting the public ones is a step! Ah that's a shame - me and my ex have a bucket list - he's got it in a drawer somewhere. I'm so dreading Thursday it's a joke - how sick that I'm more worried about whether to tell him or not, than if I've got fucking cancer. Sad

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 15:05

Tbh it could possibly be your mind purposely focusing on that rather than the diagnosis outcome? Dunno, I don’t know much about psychology but that seems like the kind of thing they would say...

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TinselAndKnickers · 07/10/2019 15:49

I feel fucking awful - my mind is playing tricks on me and thinking the worst.

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 16:41

Thinking the worst for your diagnosis or for your break up?

I’ve gone back to thinking mine is my fault. I spent like 5 and a half months pining after him, hoping he’d ask me out before I finally did it myself - he was oblivious and hasn’t realised. And I’m like, if I’d just done it sooner, would he have just fallen out of love with me anyway, just at a different time of year? Or would we have lasted? I always thought it was better that we’d built a friendship before getting together but now I wonder if that wasn’t the best way, it meant when we did get together we got really intense really fast, maybe we would have been better slowly getting to know each other whilst dating. Maybe it wouldn’t have changed anything and I’ll never know but I can’t help wondering. Because I do worry that the intensity may have lead to things going wrong. Or I worry that his dissatisfaction with his job lead to it as he subconsciously associated me with him being tied here. But if we’d gotten together sooner, maybe we’d have been stronger by the time he started to not like his job, and he’d have known we were a team and I would have gone with him.

WHO KNOWS? But if I try and voice this to anyone else they cut over me and tell me not to think that way. You guys have no choice! I feel better getting my fears out.

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Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 16:59

And even if we had lasted about the same time in the end - what a waste of 5 months. Can’t imagine moving on yet but I will def try and learn from this.

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Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 16:59

The 5 months I was pining, is what I mean when I say what a waste

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TinselAndKnickers · 07/10/2019 17:22

You didn't do anything wrong, we can't control other people's actions as much as we'd all like to Sad it's the same as me thinking what if I'd said this, what if I'd done that! But we can't change it now and as you said, we live and we learn!

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 07/10/2019 17:28

Yeah I know there’s no point dwelling on it and I’ll never know if doing things differently would have changed it but it helps to get the thought out!

How are you feeling now?

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TinselAndKnickers · 07/10/2019 18:32

Still awful, my mind is in overdrive Sad