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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Break up support thread 3

999 replies

herbsmokedchicken · 20/09/2019 21:01

We’re all still here...

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Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 30/09/2019 19:26

Oh no! So hard to resist shit like that tho, I’d have looked too.

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Jonsnowsghost · 30/09/2019 19:41

I just want him back so much :( knocked me down again. God I hope he doesn't move in with her. I want it to fail not work!

TinselAndKnickers · 30/09/2019 19:53

I'd have looked too. It is sad but just think they're still in the little honeymoon phase. It'll wear off, he clearly can't commit to shit.

I'm thrown - he text me today asking to meet tomorrow and I said no but I can on Thursday for a while. He just wants to meet up as friends I think but it's still too hard and I'm not sure if I will actually end up meeting him. I don't wanna give up on him but I do know it won't end well. What do you guys think?

Mumcomehere · 30/09/2019 20:15

I'm feeling sorry myself, I'm full up with a cold, it's my birthday tomorrow.

For some stupid reason the twat is stuck in my headConfused, think its because last year I had the best birthday with him.

New guy is amazing, but I'm still letting what twat did to me get in way. I feel like everything is a bloody mess.

I had to contact twat again, still about this financial ties we have, still no reply, so not sure what to do about that Hmm.

rowlett · 30/09/2019 23:46

@Jonsnowsghost I'm so sorry for you Sad After my "big" breakup which I've referenced a few times I was certain he got into a rebound relationship almost immediately afterwards, and I found out via instagram that I was right... this is the girl who ended up cheating on him multiple times etc and he later admitted the rebound was a big mistake because he was afraid to be alone (Hmm) BUT the point is when I first saw those posts, at a time when I was already very down and vulnerable and having to rethink my whole life, and got my confirmation it was only a matter of weeks post-breakup and I was just in pieces. I really really know to some extent that specific pain, and the knowing you shouldn't look but not being able to help it... honestly I hope their relationship goes the way of my ex's, as awful as that might be to say lol. They do seem to be really rushing it.

Mumcomehere · 01/10/2019 00:51

@rowlett as you know which bar his sister works in, cant you go there and try and get some info about his whereabouts or least find out if he is ok?

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 01/10/2019 08:09

Happy birthday mumcomehere! How are you feeling today?

Difficult @TinselAndKnickers, it’s so hard to say no but if you’re going to feel crap at the end of it, is it worth it? I did agree to meet A knowing I’d feel shit after but that’s coz I knew it was my last chance to see him.

I’m so tired, was a bit late going to bed anyway and then I ended up crying for ages 🙄 really can’t be arsed with work today! Just hate this so much! Grrrrrrrr.

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Jonsnowsghost · 01/10/2019 11:36

Having an awful day, just feel so down and can't stop crying, can't bring myself to get up and do the stuff I need to do today. I hate my life. I hate that I have to feel like this, that he has caused me so much pain whilst he is swanning about all happy. I hate that I love him still.

BrokenHeartedAndBruised · 01/10/2019 11:44

Having an awful day, just feel so down and can't stop crying, can't bring myself to get up and do the stuff I need to do today. I hate my life. I hate that I have to feel like this, that he has caused me so much pain whilst he is swanning about all happy. I hate that I love him still.

Exactly the same as you Jonsnowsghost. It's been over two months now and I feel no better. I'm barely functioning.
I haven't seen him or spoken to him. Does he not care if I am even alive?

Jonsnowsghost · 01/10/2019 11:57

I haven't spoken to him in over a month, he doesn't care if I'm alive, he has his new girlfriend now. A great love that he had to leave me for after knowing her for one day. I can't cope with this anymore.

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 01/10/2019 12:06

Oh jonsnow I’m so sorry you’re having such a bad day. When is your next counselling session?

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Jonsnowsghost · 01/10/2019 12:10

Not until thursday. Wish it was sooner! Also found out from yesterday that she shares his main hobby, so obviously that was a massive selling point for her :(

Jonsnowsghost · 01/10/2019 12:16

She's got a fancy new house that he's helping to decorate and I have a flat that hasn't been decorated since I moved in 4 years ago. Can't help but compare myself to her, she's so much better than I am I can see why he was tempted to cheat and leave me :(

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 01/10/2019 12:17

Ah that’s a shame!

Ah sucks about the hobby. It’s so hard not to obsess over what made things change or what could have been done differently isn’t it

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Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 01/10/2019 12:36

I didn’t see your second message. Look I know it’s hard to see right now, I’m the same, but it is not your fault.

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Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 01/10/2019 12:37

A house doesn’t make someone a good person or better than someone else

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Jonsnowsghost · 01/10/2019 12:57

I know you're right, and I know I'm being ridiculous because he helped me with so much so I can't really compare but I'm just feeling so down and worthless

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 01/10/2019 14:18

Yeah I get you, I am not feeling too bad at the moment but was in tears earlier and still think about him pretty much constantly.

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Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 01/10/2019 14:19

Doesn’t help that my skin is shit and my dermatophagia has flared up so inside and outside of my mouth is shredded

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rowlett · 01/10/2019 16:06

@Mumcomehere you know I've never thought about that, I guess because I know her name but not what she looks like etc (although I suppose I could go stalking on facebook again) and I'd feel terribly nervous and unsure what to say. I'm a friend of your brother? I went on a few dates with your brother? I don't want to seem unhinged or anything although hopefully she would realise I'm doing it out of concern... you just never know how things will work out though :/ But it is something to think about.

Happy birthday btw! Cake Hope you have a lovely day.

rowlett · 01/10/2019 16:24

I had a day off today so I was playing a videogame (I know some people think videogames a bit sad lol but I've always liked them even if I wasn't that great at them... and of course he liked them too... we were really surprised/pleased to find out we had the same all-time favourite game and we were really excited for a remake of an olddddddd game we both loved to come out later this month... sigh... EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF HIM IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER) but anyway it's an online game and it just went down for maintenance for 3-4 hours and I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps again. Not because of the game lol but moreso that I find I'm okish when I have something to fully focus on like that, it's times when I'm left with my thoughts that are the worst!!! Feeling glum again now.

Having that guy from last year contact me the other night actually did wonders for my self-confidence for some reason lol which is something at least. I don't see things actually going anywhere with him due to his extreme working hours and other factors (plus, yes, I am STILL hung up on this other guy anyways) but it's always nice to get a compliment.

@Jonsnowsghost I'm so sorry you're having such a bad day. All your feelings are valid but please know that what he did is actually NOT a reflection on you however much it seems. His bad behaviour is only a reflection on him. Flowers

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 01/10/2019 16:33

Yeah rowlett everything reminds me of him.
Seems unfair that he gets to twat off back to his home town and I have to stay here with all the reminders of the places we went to and the life we were building. But realistically I know I won’t move away, I’d hate to not be here. I would have moved with him, if he’d asked, but I don’t think I would be happy if I moved on my own.

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rowlett · 01/10/2019 18:19

I'm not really happy doing anything on my own nowadays tbh Sad

gnostick22a · 01/10/2019 18:36

Well I am having a rubbish time coping. I can barely keep it together.

I wish I understood how and why she lost respect for me but I don’t - I have no idea what relationship dynamic even means!

Jonsnowsghost · 01/10/2019 19:14

Oh he's finally deleted the only pic of us both on his Instagram (it had me tagged so I could see on my tagged pics) this has made be unbearably sad