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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He's locked us in

305 replies

Bubsworth · 20/09/2019 08:51

Need to leave physically aggressive husband. He has been physical before occasionally but the last two nights he has left marks on me. We have a small baby. Husband currently asleep upstairs but appears to have hidden the. Keys so I'm locked in the house. Too scared to casually ask him where keys are. No one knows the real him his best friend thinks I'm crazy and irrational because of what husband tells him. So scared he will try to take the baby and use my extreme post natal anxiety I had against me. What do I do right now?

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 20/09/2019 09:26

Agree with all advice posted . Call police and siblings if you can safely . Has he locked you in before ?

theendoftheendoftheend · 20/09/2019 09:27

this happened to me once, i was locked in the house with the children because i was 'crazy' whilst he pretended to go on a date. i called my mum and she got us all out of there

AmIThough · 20/09/2019 09:28

You have marks from where he's assaulted you. He's locked you in the house.
He's not that smart.

The police will protect you.
SS will see you're protecting you're baby.

AmIThough · 20/09/2019 09:28

*your

Lovemusic33 · 20/09/2019 09:29

Text your sibling to come and collect you, get them to knock on the door, he’s unlikely to do anything in front of them (that’s what people like him are like), take your baby to your siblings house and then get them to collect some of your things later. The police will take you seriously, they always take these things seriously. SS are not always called and even if they are they are used to dealing with his bull shit.

TheMustressMhor · 20/09/2019 09:30

How are you getting on OP?

Have you managed to get in touch with the police?

One of us will help you if you need us to. You can send me a PM. I will ring the police for you.

PLEASE don't think that SS will take your baby. The fact that you've been assaulted and injured and you are now taking steps to protect yourself and your baby are all in your favour.

The authorities have heard smooth-talking abusers so many times. They will not believe your partner.

nakedscientistOfThigh · 20/09/2019 09:33

Take pictures of the marks

Message your siblings with the pics and the fact that you have been assaulted and locked in.

Message the police as above.

they will protect you.

Pinkyyy · 20/09/2019 09:33

Take pictures of the marks on your body all call the police.

GoBrookeYourself · 20/09/2019 09:33

OP you need to call the police- SS won’t take your baby away, you’re doing the best thing for both of you and keeping the baby safe too by getting out.

Also agree with taking pictures of any injuries- hope you’re okay.

Drabarni · 20/09/2019 09:34

Call the Police now. SS will want to know that you are keeping your baby safe.
Much better them being involved to help you get out than when you end up in hospital or dead.

ptumbi · 20/09/2019 09:36

Quite honestly OP - if you phone the police and tell them you are locked by your abuser, who has been violent to you the past 2 nights (and before) and you have your small baby in here too, do you think they will then believe HIM? Especially if they have to break down the door to get you out? How stupid would they HAVE to be to just say 'oh ok then Mr Charming, we beleive you have an unstable missus, good luck with that'??????? Hmm

Get the Police and it will actually count FOR YOU in any fight over contact with your baby. Get it on record that he is violent in the same place as a small baby, and he will never be allowed unsupervised contact.

Leave silently, in fear, and he could and will fight for 50/50% access, which then gives him another weapon to use against you - your child.

POLICE POLICE POLICE.

They will help you and assist you and support you and help you.

fiveleftfeet · 20/09/2019 09:38

Call the police. Having it on record that he's abusive will be helpful in any custody battle. If it's not on record there's no proof it happened.

itsme · 20/09/2019 09:39

You need to put yourself and your baby first and safeguard both of you away from him. The police will protect you from him. Please do something before it gets any worse.

timeisnotaline · 20/09/2019 09:41

Are you ok bubs?

MutedUser · 20/09/2019 09:46

Has he woken Bubs are you ok ?

Juells · 20/09/2019 09:47

Call the police. It's imprisonment :(

Once the police have come, leave with the baby.

Windydaysuponus · 20/09/2019 09:50

Call a relative to come knock. If he won't open the door call the police and you will have relative for support.

Usernamewillautodestrustin · 20/09/2019 09:57

I may get blasted here but you need to be rational. If he is as manipulative and charming as you say then you need to be one step ahead of him.

Calling the police when you are not 100% sure that he has locked you in and hidden the keys could play into his hands that you are 'crazy' especially if he produces them from somewhere or they are visible when the police arrive.

If you can take pictures of your injuries. Make notes of what was said and done to you. Pack some essentials for a quick get away if needed.

My sister was in your position. He was the pillar of the community. Well respected, liked by everyone, but behind closed doors he abused her terribly. She was clever and recorded him doing it so that he could not charm his way out of it.

You can do this, and you have your little baby to be strong for!

ScrimshawTheSecond · 20/09/2019 10:01

Advice here from Womens' Aid on police involvement and what you can expect.

Sending all my strength to you, OP.

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/police-and-the-cps/

LochJessMonster · 20/09/2019 10:03

He is more likely to get custody/contact with the baby if you don't report this. By having the violence on record, SS are way more likely to recommend baby stays with you and he gets no/very little supervised visits.

Do this for the safety of your baby.

WizardOfAus · 20/09/2019 10:04

Please call the police. X

meccacos2 · 20/09/2019 10:04

You don’t have house keys - he’s keeping you locked in the house by not making sure you’ve got a set.

You need to call the police.

He can lie, but there’s only one set of house keys and you have marks on you from his assault.

Post natal anxiety is normal. He can call you crazy as much as he wants. He still hurt you.

HollowTalk · 20/09/2019 10:07

This is horrifying. He is really upping the ante with this, though of course he will say that the keys are simply mislaid. You know that they're not.

I agree with others - call the police, OP, but only if you're prepared to leave him altogether. You can't stay if you've called the police.

fiveleftfeet · 20/09/2019 10:07

Make sure you show the police the marks.

Longlongsummer · 20/09/2019 10:10

I’d echo others. Call the police and women’s aid. If you go to your sisters he will come after you.

I think that the advice in these situations is to either leave with the police, or call women’s aid from a number and a way you can’t be found out and make a proper plan.

Don’t leave in a half hearted way or talk about leaving to him. You are in serious danger and so is your baby.

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