DH and DD can't get on

[Boswellisdead]

Posted about this before about a year ago, when my DH was shouting at DD and scared her. Things improved dramatically after that and he was really trying.

Now things have slid back into the old pattern. He doesn't open his mouth without nagging or criticising or telling her off. I don't think he's even conscious of it. So she gets defensive and starts getting annoyed. So he gets annoyed and has more of a nag. She shouts, he shouts, and it all escalates.

It's getting to the point where I worry about going out for an evening or a weekend away because I don't trust what's going on at home.

Honestly? I don't think you can continue to allow your DD to be in a situation when she's constantly being shouted at. That will totally annihilate her self esteem. How old is she?

What age is your DD?

How can you stay with a man who emotionally terrorizes your child? This is going to damage her for life.

Why are you letting him be abusive and bully your Daughter ?

I realise the only person to blame for the behaviour is him, but you can and should be protecting her.

I’m in the same boat but not quite as extreme. It’s why I’ve left him. You have to show your kids that you won’t put up with it. A friend of mine had a father like this. She now hates her mother (transference she admits) because she feels all her adult issues are because of being treated like this and her mother should have stood up for her. Why do men behave like this?

Why are you not worried about the lifelong damage he is inflicting on your daughter?

What do you want us to say "oh, it's fine, let him carry on abusing your child"?

He's shown he's not capable of lasting change, doesn't care about the damage he is doing, therefore the only remaining option is for him to leave.

WTF?!

Shouldn't your title be something more like 'My DH is emotionally abusive towards my DD'?

I hope to god you are more supportive of her in rl and her attempts to fend off this bully.

He needs to leave, is the answer.

What is your opinion of your DD? What is she like as a person?

Yeah this isn't "my dp and DD don't get on".

He's a bully, he's aggressive (even if 'only' verbally), it's a stressful position for your dad to be in her own home, it's utterly unfair.

You've given him a chance, it's who he us, he sounds extremely unlikely to change. Protect your daughter. He needs to go.

As Yoda said “There is no try, only do”
Your DH needs to STOP cold turkey. Or you will ask him to leave.
It’s your job to protect your DD. If DH (the adult) can’t control himself, then he cannot be in the same home as you and DD.

This goes for whether he is her father or stepfather. No excuses. No try. Only do.

This was the reason I eventually ended up leaving my DP.
The older our daughter got (strong willed, stubborn and says what she thinks) the worse he got. He wouldn’t let her grow, experiment with her attitude and just become independent unless it was if it suited him.. ‘make your own drink, dinner etc’.
The anxiety I had when he lived with us was crippling as I couldn’t cope with the conflict: he was massively damaging her self esteem and it eventually escalated in to him daily swearing at her and calling her names.

Like a PP stated, I had the exact same role model as a father and I hate him for it. As well as my mother for never standing up to him on my behalf as a defenceless child.
I walked. I tell my daughters everyday that’s no way a man should treat a woman and I can only hope that my leaving strongly shows that message.

Your daughter is going to resent you for choosing an angry man over her

She is 6, and I hate what he's doing.

It IS emotional abuse.

I don't want her thinking that this is normal.

He's a fully grown man ffs

You're going to have to get rid of him op.

You've given him a chance, he's slipped back into it, he's not going to change.

She's only a little girl, I feel so sorry for her.

SIX. FUCKING SIX!

Genuinely thought you were talking about a teenager. Get her away from him. Today. Fucking hell.

Is he her father ?

6!!!!

I thought at least you must have a moody teen, even then as an adult his behaviour.is unacceptable. He is not dear. Please protect your daughter

Six!

Get rid of him. There's no excuse to keep him there at all.

Bloody hell, she is only six?! If things are this bad now, how fucking abusive is going to get when she is a rebellious teenager with attitude? For the sake of your child, OP, this has to be over, I think you know this. I am sorry. My step dad used to call me all sorts of names, mock me for things like my acne ('you look like a freak, you should be in a circus') and hit me. It all escalated as a teenager and my mother used to say, "you provoke him". I am NC with them both now, and it is her I feel angriest at because she let him do it when she could have left him. Don't be us, OP.

My DS is 6, this would destroy him. I'm so sad for your little girl. :(

This categorically shouldn't be going on at home OP and he's had his chance and you know that. She's six for gods sake, she shouldn't be subject to emotional abuse in her home, or have it normalised.

I wouldn't want her anywhere near him. A grown man shouting at and abusing a 6 year old so he can feel important is one of the most pathetic things I can imagine- why exactly are you with him? What could possible be appealing about that. Does he also do it to you, OP?

I know it’s hard OP, but you need to get rid. This could ruin your relationship with your DD

6 omg I thought maybe obnoxious teenager but 6?!?! Get her out of there!

She's 6?!

Honestly I'm horrified. I really thought she'd be a teenager.

Please leave him. If you don't you're complicit in ruining her life.