DH and DD can't get on

[Boswellisdead]

Posted about this before about a year ago, when my DH was shouting at DD and scared her. Things improved dramatically after that and he was really trying.

Now things have slid back into the old pattern. He doesn't open his mouth without nagging or criticising or telling her off. I don't think he's even conscious of it. So she gets defensive and starts getting annoyed. So he gets annoyed and has more of a nag. She shouts, he shouts, and it all escalates.

It's getting to the point where I worry about going out for an evening or a weekend away because I don't trust what's going on at home.

OP, what do you do when he starts abusing her?

OP has posted she stops it, and for that reason, is afraid to go out, leaving them alone, @Grimbles.

I cant see where she says she stops it?

She says she worries about going out, which isnt the same as not going out. She doesn't mention anything about what she says or does when she does hear him abusing her daughter.

If hes like this to her now, it will be worse when shes an adolescent, thats for sure.

I don't want her thinking that this is normal
Well then you have only one option here.
What is your housing situation?
Do you have joint mortgage?
If you do then I'd start divorce proceedings.
Get the property sold and split the equity and get yourself a nice new fresh start.
Does he earn a lot more than you?
Do you earn equally?
Could you go into rented?
Could you move in with a family member for the short term.
You need to get your poor DD out of this environment.
That is your priority.
She is 6 YO.
I thought you were going to say 13 or 14.
Don't allow this to be her normal.
It's horrendous and you know it.

Read your old thread, you’re forcing your child to live in an abusive house, with her abuser, this will have already caused her lifelong trauma (my mother forced me to live in a house with a child abuser too, till I was 7, and I despise her, I’ve been left with medical conditions cause doctor by living in terror during my formative years, counselling hasn’t helped.). You contact organisations that can help abused children, you remove your child from her abuser, this is an emergency, you can handwringing and analyse the child abuser later in your own time, whatever, but you need to protect your child from being abused. Holy fucking Christ.

In my experience of leaving a man like this. We fought custody through the courts, and eventually agreed on 60:40. Within 2 weeks, he had told me he didn't want to see her until she 'behaved' for him. Contact was sporadic for nearly four years, no overnights. In the past year, as DD approaches 10, he has modified his behaviour and engages with her much more. She now enjoys contact with him (which is galling at times I have to admit!) but overall he still only has her around 10% of the time.

There have been really hard times for me, financially and emotionally, since leaving. I have never ever doubted that I made the right decision for DD. She blossomed as a person within two months of us moving and has only gained in confidence since. She is safe and happy in her home. Her life is immeasurably better since I left him.

You say you know this is abuse. Yet you are allowing it to happen.

Protect your child