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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

C and the (non-existent) FB messages

999 replies

JaysusWept · 18/09/2019 09:31

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Hmm Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
amiapropermum · 18/09/2019 15:14

If C had really thought her H was messaging the OP she wouldn't have been asking if the OP was okay or trying to meet for coffee after that first message in 'error'

sailingclosetothewind · 18/09/2019 15:16

Tatty You would have to have a pretty low bar to consider these women to be good friends Confused

MarshaBradyo · 18/09/2019 15:16

Exactly Amia C’s behaviour is not in line with having seen messages. Neither is the dh’s who was baffled as he doesn’t have FB - I think that’s what was on last thread

tattyheadsmum · 18/09/2019 15:20

@sailingclosetothewind, what's strange is watching you stoking drama in a stranger's life for your own entertainment.

There is zero evidence for this in anything the OP has written: C's marriage was already in trouble, she was looking for a scapegoat. I suspect she has been feeling jealous of you for a long, long time.

And you haven't advised her to let the dust settle, you advised her to stop talking to them at all.

Protective, my arse. You're actually doing what you're criticising her friends of doing; stoking drama.

saraclara · 18/09/2019 15:22

I don't believe for a moment that all the people on here who are telling the OP to dump all her (only friends) are so saintly that they wouldn't have got involved in messaging each other if something so weird and random happened within their friendship group.

MarshaBradyo · 18/09/2019 15:24

To leave someone hanging on a WA group and set up a new one to discuss it, organise a night out etc is quite hurtful to the op.

All impartiality was gone and had the school play ground incident not occurred it would have continued, even worsened.

However I’m not sure about the others I’d say do nothing for a bit and see how you feel in time

Flossdancing · 18/09/2019 15:25

Id be cautious around the other three. Be careful what you say as it may be repeated or screen shotted. Im disappointed in K agreeing to go over to see C - id take that as a bit of a snub. Whose side is she on now the evidence that Cs claims were pure fabrication against op? Sorry there no sitting on the fence now for these three imo.

Op youve done really well in all of this. Stay with a dignified silence and let it all unfold. If you do see the H again- dont forget to sympathise at him being kicked out by C- something else hes probably not aware of!

sailingclosetothewind · 18/09/2019 15:26

Tatt have you read both the threads? I somehow doubt it, as you will have known that C was saying to op she was having problems with her marriage (and blaming op for it!) you seem to be very out of touch with the actual facts. OP is being blamed for flirting and sending her dh messages. C was saying this all to a mutual friend, and did not even discuss it with op.
This is not what good friends do!!!

So whilst it is all very admirable for you to see this as no big shakes, op should not disengage, most of us feel the opposite.

I have had this happen to me, some time ago now, and I know the awful situation op finds herself in. I speak from experience, and certainly do not find it entertaining. It is very upsetting.

By all means put another view to the op, if you think it is valid but at least read both threads before you do!!

AryaStarkWolf · 18/09/2019 15:27

Neither is the dh’s who was baffled as he doesn’t have FB - I think that’s what was on last thread

I believe what she said was that She doesn't have C's husband on FB (as in they're not even FB friends) Not that he didn't have FB

stephf72 · 18/09/2019 15:28

Most aren’t saying dump all of them. There will be lots of different opinions on the thread, I don’t think sailing is stoking drama, she’s stating what she’d do in the same position having lived through a similar experience.
The op seems to have her head screwed on and is using the thread to garner opinion then make her own decisions.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/09/2019 15:30

If you do see the H again- dont forget to sympathise at him being kicked out by C- something else hes probably not aware of!

haha true, although I'd probably just stay out of it unless C is actually saying she kicked him out because he lied about getting flirty messages from the OP, then I'd be following that shit straight up again

MarshaBradyo · 18/09/2019 15:30

Arya oh yeh just looked

BollocksToBrexit · 18/09/2019 15:34

Fucking hell, this just goes from bad to worse. You'd be well shot of the lot of them.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/09/2019 15:34

although you don't actually have to be friends with someone on FB to send them messages so that isn't actually proof of anything (just pointing out)

GilbertMarkham · 18/09/2019 15:34

If C had really thought her H was messaging the OP she wouldn't have been asking if the OP was okay or trying to meet for coffee after that first message in 'error'

Was thinking that, seems like she would've blown up then.

Also if C's husband had actually been messaging someone else and using Op as a cover/excuse - C's husband would've looked aware/guilty/tense/whatever when op raised it; instead op describes him as looking utterly nonplussed. Do that theory doesn't seem to hold up.

GilbertMarkham · 18/09/2019 15:35

*So

loveyoutothemoon · 18/09/2019 15:37

I would stay friends with the others for now (doesn't need to be as frequent as before) but be wary, keep them on your side, and when you eventually find out what has gone on, decide then what to do. I wouldn't be totally against the others, they just didn't know what to believe, they probably thought that both you and C were nice people.

tattyheadsmum · 18/09/2019 15:40

@sailingclosetothewind. I have read both. But still nothing that you've put in your breathless posts is accurate. In OP's own posts she has described C's marriage as appearing to be very happy. Only subsequent events have shown it to be less so. Theres certainly no evidence that anyone except C and L have been bitching about her so I'm curious as to why you're encouraging her to isolate herself from people who she herself has described as being her close friebds and from whom, up to a very short time ago, she felt a great deal of support from? Your most recent post is illuminating though, is it a case of misery loves company?

And enough of the "us on here" nonsense. It feels like an attempt at ganging up and in the light of the events we're all commenting on, in slightly poor taste.

But we're derailing a thread which OP is hopefully finding some help from, despite conflicting opinions. So perhaps we could agree to disagree?

NotJustACigar · 18/09/2019 15:46

I'm guessing C and her DH had a big row after you confronted him and that he ended up admitting he fancies you. She was suspicious of you for a reason and it clearly didn't come from your interest in him so.... She is batshit but I suspect he had a crush and it's all come out now and she's kicked him out.

sailingclosetothewind · 18/09/2019 15:48

tatty Yes you are doing a good job of derailing what was a very positive and helpful thread for op, I will certainly agree to that. So please stop.

Op You are doing great, these things are totally shit when they happen to you. You have remained dignified and calm, and that is all you can do. Flowers to you.

QforCucumber · 18/09/2019 15:50

Oh OP, I feel for you - stuff like this is SHIT.
I had a C, funnily enough name also began with C, she bitched and moaned about me all the time apparently (found out about this afterwards) after 2 years of putting up with a shitty friendship she made a comment at my wedding and I told her to leave. She bloody well refused too, but that's a whole other thread.

I do wonder if she has had form for this, and the DH has gone home saying 'WTF this paranoia AGAIN, it needs to stop?' or if she has seen a message from someone on his FB at a quick glance who may have a similar looking profile pic/name to you.

Mia184 · 18/09/2019 15:53

I wonder whether she is trying to become you. OP, has she come across as jealous?

tattyheadsmum · 18/09/2019 15:54

Grin. Touche!

OP, best of luck to you. I hope you manage to salvage at least some of these friendships. Some of them do sound worth saving.

GilbertMarkham · 18/09/2019 16:00

All these theories about poor insecure, paranoid C with her cheating husband .. Im inclined to think she's just s butbof a sociopathic c*not who's been caught out.

Op had that msg about her fking annoying laugh and her being all over C's husband on her phone to show anyone - made her look intensely two faced and nasty. Esp to a woman who's been cheated on , who marriage and family have broken up and who's now a single mum. She just keeps lying to try to cover her ass. The first lie (afer op wouldn't swallow the bullshit) was to justify her "all over my husband comment" and excuse her bitchiness toward op. This lie is to cover that her husband has dropped her in it about the first lie.

He probably hasn't actually left or if he has probably of his own volition after an argument about C's lie.

Oh and I forgot to say in the first thread, if ever David O'Doherty's song "Cause I'd sent the text to the person the text was about!" Was more apt ... Google it, it'll give you a laugh.

GilbertMarkham · 18/09/2019 16:03

Also "her fucking annoying laugh", "all over " as usual", "how like you to play the victim" ....

C hates op, any support she's given has been two faced, she's been bitching about her for quite some time, and doing so with at least one other member of the group.

I don't buy all the random theories, this is just common garden c*ntery caught out.