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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

C and the (non-existent) FB messages

999 replies

JaysusWept · 18/09/2019 09:31

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Hmm Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
sailingclosetothewind · 18/09/2019 14:42

OP I mentioned to you several pages back that this would happen. C's marriage was already in trouble, she was looking for a scapegoat. I suspect she has been feeling jealous of you for a long, long time.

I do believe the others were (very) involved in the run up to this op, I will warn you that I don't believe any of them to be true friends of yours. This is not the first (or last) time that C has confided in them about this.

I will also say C is likely to blame you for this irrespective of the FB messages or lack of. It is far easier to blame you than deal with the main issue in their marriage.

By kicking him out she has insured the others come running her aid (slow clap for C) now everyone is refocused on her, rather than yesterday when the lies were exposed.

Stop talking to the others op. Stay well away from this. You can't argue with silence.

GilbertMarkham · 18/09/2019 14:45

that person B had completely lied about that happening for no apparent reason and had also lied about seeing the fictitious messages.

But she did have a reason; she'd just been caught out viciously bitching about op and saying op was all over her husband/going after her husband ... She was trying to make it sound justified (instead of looking insecure jealous, paranoid and Uber bitchy).

GilbertMarkham · 18/09/2019 14:47

All these theories about C's husband being involved with someone, she's kicked him out etc. Maybe but it seems more likely he's actually left (temporarily or permanently) due to a big row over C lying about him (and his interaction with op) to her friends.

goldfinchfan · 18/09/2019 14:47

I wondered if the real issue was between C and her DH.

Could be that he has been lying about someone else and she accused you OP but perhaps because she already doesn't trust you and possibly on because you are single. Nothing you have done wrong.

GilbertMarkham · 18/09/2019 14:47

Not to say there aren't other issues in their marriage.

billybagpuss · 18/09/2019 14:49

I don't think you'll ever uncover the full story, there's clearly something going on in her marriage (or head)

Figgygal · 18/09/2019 14:49

There sure is a Lot of people with big imaginations on this thread

sailingclosetothewind · 18/09/2019 14:51

C got her group back though....minus op.
It will be very interesting to see if he remains 'kicked out'

Russell19 · 18/09/2019 14:51

I was about the say the same as @purpleboy I don't think you're done with this drama yet unfortunately....

Apolloanddaphne · 18/09/2019 14:51

Gosh, C has some serious issues i think.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 18/09/2019 14:53

C’s husband probably has no idea he’s been “kicked out”. He’ll come home whistling while K is consoling C.

tattyheadsmum · 18/09/2019 14:54

Why are people so intent on winding the OP up and having her implode her own support structure?

You might very well say that they haven't been very supportive, and you'd be right, but this gleeful insistence that OP isolates herself from people who up to now have been her close friends is really distasteful.

I don't believe there has been a load of bitching about OP behind her back, or certainly no more than there is in other friendship groups. More likely a lot of Hmm what is going on between C and Jaysus??

How does it affect anyone on here if OP is left without any friends and her DD left isolated? Not a jot, but it affects her a lot.

CandyLeBonBon · 18/09/2019 14:57

If I found out that my friends had been bitching about me like that I'd definitely want out. I don't and have never bitched about friends behind their back. Because I'm not 6!

Agreed the tone on here is a bit excitable but the suggestions to withdraw trust from people who may or may not have your back is actually quite sensible.

Fakehair83 · 18/09/2019 14:57

We are strangers hanging on to this drama obviously people more closely connected are going to want to know exactly what is going on and hear why C is being so mad making all this up. I would meet her and hear what she has to say it’s human nature nosiness.

OP don’t write your friends off

Lulualla · 18/09/2019 14:58

You might not want the drama but you must be curious to know how it all ends up and what the hell she is up too!

jessycake · 18/09/2019 15:00

I would just take the bull by the horns and ring C . Despite the husbands apparent surprise ,I reckon he won't turn out to be the wholly innocent party involving you in all this . My money is on that she saw part of the messages , he said it was you to ask about plumbing , him not realising your dad was a plumber and thought that she wouldn't question it as you were friends , and then he deletes the messages . She then becomes paranoid looking for evidence .

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/09/2019 15:00

Wow - just read all of this and the previous thread and I have to say I feel for you, jaysus.
It's amazing what supposed friends will believe when the liar showers their shit around - some of it sticks, no matter how much they liked you before (been hit like this before).

What it boils down to is that too many people are fucking tricoteuses - they like to watch the drama and someone being trashed - and they don't want to pick the "wrong side" so they hedge their bets and get all the goss from both sides.

I have no idea what C is playing at but if she's not having some kind of mental breakdown then my next guess is that SHE is the one having an affair and is engineering this situation to create a reason for breaking up with her DH that doesn't involve him finding out about her affair.

Granted that's a bit far fetched but I can't see for the life of me what other motivation she has for all this!

INeedaBiggerBoat · 18/09/2019 15:01

I really feel for you OP, what a load of awful drama thanks to one woman's bitchy mistake and inability to just fess up and apologise.

While I understand your reluctance to stay close to this group of friends now, I wonder whether it would be worth just being relatively honest about how you're feeling and asking them to put themselves in your shoes? Something along the lines of 'I know this is a bizarre situation and none of us understand what's going on with C right now, but please could you bear in mind that I am being targeted and accused of something I didn't do and am now apparently the subject of gossip from people who I thought cared for and supported me. I would like to remain friends with the three of you and understand that you just want to get to the bottom of this and have everything go back to normal, but some thought for how it feels to be the subject of this kind of defamation would be really appreciated.'

PanamaPattie · 18/09/2019 15:02

I bet C’s DH has just gone to work as normal, C creates “I’ve kicked him out” drama on WA. K goes over to console her. C then tells K that she’s forgiven him. K goes home. Tells everyone on WA. DH comes home from work none the wiser. No one will raise it with him as it’s too intrusive.

sailingclosetothewind · 18/09/2019 15:04

Tatty What a strange thing to say. To 'implode' op's friendship structure.

These are the same people that ignored her messages, aired her invitations, and at least one was being unkind behind op's back. I would say it was the most sensible thing to do, take a step back and let the dust settle. Most of us on the thread feel quite protective of op, and would not want her dragged into C's latest drama again. Hence the suggestions (and there are lots and lots of them) that she does not get involved and keeps out of it.

It is called preservation.

There is no point have a friendship structure if those people can not be trusted. It is best for op to not make any judgments at this point about anyone and to stay out of it.

MarshaBradyo · 18/09/2019 15:06

Panama has it I reckon.

Wilmalovescake · 18/09/2019 15:06

Oh OP, bloody hell.

I also think he’s confronted her and then walked out.

But, like you say, steer well clear.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/09/2019 15:07

@tattyheadsmum yeah I tend to agree tbh, on the face of it C's story is more believable than the OPs, lets be honest here The OPs sounds completely bonkers because it is bonkers so you'd be asking the friends to believe that their friend is an actual mental case rather than your other friend is flirting with someone's DH

Cherrysoup · 18/09/2019 15:08

She's kicked him out? So maybe he was messaging someone and C thought it was the OP? So weird!

Whoops75 · 18/09/2019 15:12

Explains why C has been acting like a loon.

I think if she had previously been a good friend I would (maybe) extend the hand of friendship. Send a text saying sorry life is tough, you’re around if she needs a chat.

What she didn’t was very wrong but stress and suspicion is tough. She’s obviously not ok.

Could you be the bigger person??

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