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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

C and the (non-existent) FB messages

999 replies

JaysusWept · 18/09/2019 09:31

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Hmm Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 12:01

Like pp

BookwormMe2 · 20/09/2019 12:01

Every update just gets worse! Don't calm down though, this is the time to let rip. Not necessarily at your friends directly, but about what's happened. You've been so level headed in your responses that they may not have appreciated exactly how angry and upset you are. I think now's the time to let everyone know exactly how you are feeling.

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 12:03

And I’d say wait until after sleepover but I know I’d be the only one

It’s too much crazy for me I admit

Drum2018 · 20/09/2019 12:03

I'd also be tempted to message the group and tell them that, as your ex was accosted at the school gate this morning by a woman spreading lies about you, you are now taking the matter further both with the school and your solicitor. Let that info get back to the crazy bitch tonight. They'll be tripping over themselves to be the first to tell her.

bottlenose301 · 20/09/2019 12:05

To think all this started from a text message sent in error! What a massive escalation. Hope you are okay Op.

If I were you I'd start fighting back now. Fight fire with fire and stand up for yourself.

loobyloo1234 · 20/09/2019 12:06

OP. Enough is enough. I have said numerous times fuck all of these wankers off - including the 3 left in the WA group. You need to send your message to them - and include that you will be contacting a solicitor. Then leave the group

And do just that. Contact a solicitor. C cannot be allowed to let this escalate. It is defamation of character

I do feel for your DD but by the sound of it, she needs better friends also if this is how their DM's carry on

amiapropermum · 20/09/2019 12:07

Cease and desist letter from solicitor (doesn't need to be full legal route, just a letter) and talk to the school. Tell K, M and D just before/after you do this so C doesn't get a heads up. She's clearly batshit crazy

stephf72 · 20/09/2019 12:08

If you send the letter then you have to be fully committed to legal action. Some people will understand, others will think it’s an overreaction but what you can guarantee is that It will spill over and create deep divisions in the class.
Think carefully and strategically op - is there someone you could get free initial advice from. Work out what the next best steps are for you and your dd.
Sometimes the answer is to grit your teeth - whoever is behind this will eventually trip themselves up.
As a wise poster remarked on a previous thread.
Never mud-wrestle with a pig, You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 20/09/2019 12:10

Do NOT Facebook message anyone

Do NOT do anything right this moment.

This evening, sit down and date and time every incident that you can that relates DIRECTLY to C blackening your name.

The initial message sent in error, the works.

To get a cease and desist letter from a solicitor they will need to see a body of evidence.

Make an appointment with a solicitor TODAY.

I truly believe that spineless twats like C and cronies will pee their pants with fear at a solicitors letter. Yes she may be unhinges but I don’t think she’s 100% certifiable.

Finally approach how you speak to DD about this with caution. @Thegrasscouldbegreeener is right on one hand about wanting to head trouble off for DD at the pass but I agree with @MarshaBradyo that to a degree your DD is living in blissful ignorance about all this. (You two need to stop squabbling all over this thread BTW it’s really derailing).

I really would get a solicitors letter to her though ASAP.

Oh and please tell the school.

Sorry it’s come to such a serious level.

combatbarbie · 20/09/2019 12:10

There must be a solicitor in here that is as invested as the rest of us that could help a fellow MNer out, I'd bloody pay for it myself if need be!

captainpantbeard · 20/09/2019 12:11

Bloody hell OP I’m not surprised you’re angry. This is such a shit situation - you’ve done nothing wrong and you’re getting all this fallout.

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 12:12

Agree Paul Grass do stop name checking me when I don’t post. I can let others post for a while, happy to do so. They will know more about letters.

burnttoastandjam · 20/09/2019 12:13

I also agree that the time has come to take legal advice. I can't believe that someone had the audacity to involve your ex. I hope that things have remained amicable between you both.

whitebowls · 20/09/2019 12:17

It's time to go and talk to C.
If the 'friends' are going there tonight get there 15 minutes before them, be calm and talk to C. Ask her why?
Let the other 'friends 'arrive, talk openly. Stay calm and dignified.
Ask questions. Leave time for the answers and count to 5 before you answer anything.
Don't cry or get angry.
Treat it as a business meeting.
It's time to take the bull by the horns.
I'm saying this because I've been in your position and I deeply regret letting the situation control my life, feelings and outcome.

I said earlier in this thread that if you were my friend I'd be standing beside you solidly.....and I still mean that. Thanks

SnackBadger · 20/09/2019 12:20

Those who are saying to send a solicitor’s letter, wtf?!! Complete overreaction and in any event no law appears to have been broken. Solicitors don’t just send threatening letters out with no legal basis.

testingtesting111 · 20/09/2019 12:23

Keep a note of this. c is clearly not quite right. You may unfortunately end up having to escalate this to police. It amounts to harassment.

amiapropermum · 20/09/2019 12:25

@SnackBadger you can send a cease and desist letter in relation to people spreading rumours. A family member of mine had to do it before and it nipped it in the bud

SVRT19674 · 20/09/2019 12:27

@combatbarbie my facebook is set to that only friends can message me. Yes, you've got to be my friend.

stephf72 · 20/09/2019 12:29

There is no way c will talk to the op. Op shouldn’t be talking to c at this point.
If you were to go round you should take a witness, but she’ll make you look like the aggressor - you will gain nothing.
Gather your evidence, wait and see what what you are told from her gathering this evening - then take advice.

ChevalierTialys · 20/09/2019 12:29

I agree that you should get a cease and desist letter sent to Caroline. She's not stopping with the lies, even though she's been caught out.

If you do message the WA group, don't tell them your plans. Keep it simple and express your feelings. Don't tell them to go fuck themselves, they could be useful should you need to take it further.

combatbarbie · 20/09/2019 12:29

Op cease and desist letter does not need to come from a solicitor, you can do it yourself.... Its the initial stage before taking formal action. Loads of templates online.

combatbarbie · 20/09/2019 12:31

@SVRT19674 that's your settings.... The DH like me is more likely to have message option open.

beatriceprior · 20/09/2019 12:33

I think if the op went round there then c wouldn't see her.

This whole drama of the husband having an affair/being kicked out or whatever has be created to move the attention from c's lies.

She will either claim she's too upset to talk to the OP right now and will play the victim "I can't believe you want to have this out now whilst I am going through all this with my husband" or she will make OP look like the aggressor.

I don't know what the best thing to do is here because C absolutely needs confronting but I think she is using all this and will say they will speak once her marriage is sorted/not sorted and and she's banking on keeping it up until she thinks this with the OP has blown over.

beatriceprior · 20/09/2019 12:35

Then she will minimise it all with the rest of them and it will be along the lines of "can't believe your still going on about his op it was weeks ago"

Figgygal · 20/09/2019 12:38

Wtf
Actually I would be now involving the school as you are being defamed by other school mums in the playground through zero fault of your own

I'd still not burn bridges with the friends but I would be making it very clear what impact this is having on you and your dd when it's all done from C sending a nasty text to you in error SHE has created all of this out of nowhere yet she gets support and you get what??

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