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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

C and the (non-existent) FB messages

999 replies

JaysusWept · 18/09/2019 09:31

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Hmm Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 20/09/2019 11:39

Make an appointment with the head op, and ask them to assist with this matter.

Call a solicitor and ask them to draft a letter. I was all for letting the matter drop, and remain dignified but there is no chance of that now, and you are far better to get some proper support in place.

timetomakeachange1987 · 20/09/2019 11:40

I'm so angry on your behalf. This women really is toxic to spread such lies with no regards to your feelings.

Grambler · 20/09/2019 11:41

Time to talk to the school.

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 20/09/2019 11:41

She has totally taken the gloves off both with the sleepover and with sending in her friends to tell your ex such lies.

You are dealing with one nasty fucker (I never swear but the occasion demands it) You need to respond accordingly.

combatbarbie · 20/09/2019 11:42

Holy fuck.....

Op Facebook message the husband now and ask why C is telling people you two are having an affair, and whilst he's at it put a leash on his wife.

This needs to stop now!!!!!!!

squeakybike · 20/09/2019 11:42

Those people aren't your friends if they are still going over to her house tonight. Fuck that shit. Making out like they've got your back but they haven't. I'd also be confronting C and there is no way in hell would I be remotely nice about it.

What a complete and utter bitch.

Iamdobby63 · 20/09/2019 11:43

It just gets worse. That woman has a lot of front to approach your ex..

This is completely out of hand and I think you have to do something, not sure what though... a face to face with C to sort it out (with a witness).. a solicitors cease and desist letter regarding slander?

You definitely need to contact that busy body though and put her straight.

AhNowTed · 20/09/2019 11:48

Time for a solicitors letter.

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 20/09/2019 11:48

Watch the others in the group fall away from C as you escalate it through the school. They prefer the C club but they won't be so keen once they realise this has become a serious school matter. The very weak will rush to you op, and try and clear their name and put distance between themselves and C.

I would seriously block them all, inform the school. This is unacceptable on every level.

combatbarbie · 20/09/2019 11:48

And now is the time to make your feelings known in the WhatsApp group, C is nothing but a manipulative back stabbing bitch and the fact they are all pandering to her speaks volumes about them as human beings and never had your back when the truth was outed, now the fact your DD is being ostracised and your ex accosted at the school gates has made you realise who your real friends are and then promptly flounce......they are a coven of witches who care about social standing not emotions.

But link these threads in as your parting message......

I would be going for blood as an East coaster so I fully expect you to be going for Cs head on a stick 👍

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 20/09/2019 11:49

I think I would say something to busybody woman in person, op - along the lines of 'I am very unhappy that you chose to spread scurrilous, untrue gossip about my personal life to my ex-partner. I want you to stay away from me, my DD and any other member of our family in future. Have you got that? Good."

If other people hear you (at your normal tone of voice), that's not such a bad thing.

DarlingNikita · 20/09/2019 11:49

If it was me I'd also be messaging c directly and stating she puts this rumour right.

I think if you're going to send a solicitor's letter you don't want to approach her direct, not at first anyway (although I can imagine a solicitor might advise you to approach her initially and request that she stop).

BatmanLovesTheCircus · 20/09/2019 11:50

Solicitors letter and speak to the school. This has gone beyond petty bitching now.

AIBanUemployee · 20/09/2019 11:52

OP, I think I'd consider seeing a solicitor. This is clear defamation of character, libellous and slanderous. I'd target C and the playground gossip woman who approached your ex. I know it's not a cheap option but a strongly worded legal letter could be what's required to stem this.

It's been an uncomfortable unfurling of events to read so god knows how you're coping being the target of this.

stephf72 · 20/09/2019 11:54

Yes cease and desist re slander / harassment. I still have mine for c - I never sent it. But I’ve still got it just in case......
They work sometimes, but her personality type suggests she’d struggle to understand it, and it would only ramp up the war.
It is something to consider though. But I’d see what the next 24 hours brings. You need people around you op - could your sister visit? Also how are your relations with your ex - is he likely to be supportive?
I would also talk to school, just so they can keep an eye on dd. Don’t be surprised if she’s spoken to school already though and told them you’re the modern day Mary Magdalene

Grrrrrr fucking bitch

BatmanLovesTheCircus · 20/09/2019 11:54

And tell the coven of witches in the WA thread that you’ve gotten legal advice and the solicitor has informed you you have a clear case for slander and you’ll be taking it further. Watch them all flap and shit themselves, and it’ll definitely get back to C(unt).

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 20/09/2019 11:54

Get legal advice, get the letter drafted and sent to C. Do not talk to her or message anyone in the meantime.

Feel free to set the gossip straight on the truth, and warn her to stay out of it as it is being escalated at school. That should shut her up, juicy gossip is one thing, being dragged in a legal case is another.

Op I am so sorry you are going through this. You may be wishing you had ignored that text now, but this would have all happened anyway, she would have chosen her moment more carefully perhaps, but nonetheless it seems she has been gunning for you for a while, and this would have come to a head in due course whatever action you would or would not have done.

fiveleftfeet · 20/09/2019 11:54

This is getting really out of hand. I also suggest you see a solicitor.

Don't tell the others to go fuck themselves just yet as they may give you useful info for the solicitor.

Ask them direct if C is telling them you had an affair with her DH.

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 20/09/2019 11:57

**whatever action you would or would not have taken.

LazyLizzy · 20/09/2019 11:58

How weird that some random woman approaches your ex who she has never spoken to, and starts talking about your supposed affair.

Do people do that in real life?

jessycake · 20/09/2019 11:58

I honestly think a face to face meeting or speaking direct to your friends would be the best way to go about this . They get to hear your account from the horses mouth and they may fill you in about C . I would tackle C as well ,I am sure it's the last thing you want to do , but thinking forward to the future for you and your daughter it might be best to get it into the open and stop the speculation and gossip .

fiveleftfeet · 20/09/2019 11:58

Yes, speak to the school. At least to inform them that this is happening and that you're worried about the impact it may have on your DD so they can keep an eye.

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 20/09/2019 11:59

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Lulualla · 20/09/2019 11:59

What do you expect the school to do? Squabbling amongst parents is nothing to do with them. They have enough responsibility.

But it has risen to the level of slander. I think you need to be much more forceful with the 3 'friends' to find out exactly what has been said, and exactly what C has been claiming. I would also ask them to handover their phones so you can read through the other chat. If they believe you, then they will do it.
And try to pin down the husband to find it exactly what is going on. Or perhaps go around to C's house (and have your phone audio recording) to confront her.

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 12:01

Lol I’m reading but I know nothing about solicitors letters so I’ll let others advise

People like C no problem but nope no idea on that. Any solicitors here?

Like app I also can’t imagine it happening at any schools I’ve used so others who can are better placed.