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Original poster

C and the (non-existent) FB messages

999 replies

JaysusWept · 18/09/2019 09:31

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Hmm Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 10:12

Nope not at all. Even the op and all the WA group don’t know what is going on at C’s house

Well last update anyway

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 10:13

C can go hang read back I’ve done my swearing at the fuckers the lot of them

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 10:14

I’m just now thinking about the dd and what the op can do to help her not have a shitty school day

The rest are idiotic and not worth the dust on op’s shoe.

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 20/09/2019 10:15

What does it matter Marsha what is happening at C's house. It is entirely irrelevant.

All that op needs to do is make her own plans, protect her own child by preparing her for the changes ahead and keeping her own dd safe and secure.

I am sure op could not care less about C or her situation any longer! All she will care about is keeping her child out of the fray.

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 10:17

Yes I’m saying it’s irrelevant which is why I advise against not saying C has problems at home as per pp

By all means encourage new friendships

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 10:18

Grass can you be sure the dd won’t mention these home problems at school

And if she does then what will that do?

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 20/09/2019 10:19

I am sure op's dd will have a perfectly happy day at school, there is no reason to think otherwise. Unless of course all of her friends are excitedly chatting and planning what they will do later at the sleepover. Then of course dd might not enjoy the afternoon very much, and might wonder why she isn't going.....and what she has done wrong...

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 20/09/2019 10:22

C's dd already knows there are problems at home remember, she was off school. It will not be news to C's dd.

mankyfourthtoe · 20/09/2019 10:23

Keep thinking "I'm really sorry that you're choosing a liar's company"
And if it slips out to one of them then so be it.

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 10:23

And then the child she tells tells others and one mentions it to an adult

Ok prepare the dd for it in another way just don’t bring the adult (existent / non-existent) drama into it

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 10:23

The dd doesn’t know why how could she?

MyKingdomForBrie · 20/09/2019 10:27

Clearly C has told the others that her DH lied to M when asked about the messages and that they had been real. Probably told them you and her DH planned the scenario between you to make her look like a liar. The others clearly believe her or at least don't disbelieve.

I suspect her DH has been messing her around or she's paranoid that he is, she suspected you and so made up some 'evidence' to justify to the others why she was cutting you out.

stephf72 · 20/09/2019 10:28

It’s a hard one to navigate I get what Marsha says. When things with my c calmed down there were invites to parties etc from c’s friends for my kids (never from c obvs) so it was clear the other mums didn’t want their friendships with my kids disturbed by c’s drama.

I also found that when there were days out etc that didn’t involve my kids I made sure we were busy, and it worked out ok.

But if your dd is already aware she has been left out then I’d tackle it head on, age appropriate info etc.

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 20/09/2019 10:34

C's dd has been off school because of this. Please keep up Marsha.

So it stands to reason that she knows there are problems at home, because her father has left!

Her Granny is there and collecting the children.

We have had situations like this with our friends children. I have always spoken to my children about it, so they understand (and can be extra kind) in a child friendly way.

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 10:36

Grass how does the dd know why she wasn’t in school?

Some of us think C is making it all up and will ‘reconcile’. By tonight even. So wait and see what the deal is.

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 20/09/2019 10:37

When things with my c calmed down there were invites to parties etc from c’s friends for my kids (never from c obvs) Lets really hope so, it may be that your friends are nicer than op's though. I would be surprised if they were going to risk getting on the wrong side of C, they haven't shown any backbone to date.

Age appropriate info is the way forward.

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 10:38

Yep Steph

GilbertMarkham · 20/09/2019 10:41

I suspect her DH has been messing her around or she's paranoid that he is, she suspected you and so made up some 'evidence

I don't actually, I think she lied to try to get out of the text debacle, thought none could prove the FB messages op 'sent' didn't exist, didn't think op would confront her dh, and is now lying about what happened when her dh returned and asked her wtf it was all about. He may or may not have left. It may be temporary, but I don't think she entirely kicked him out. He left or she told him to or some combination because if an argument about her behaviour and the position she'd put him in.
Bug she's depicting it as throwing him out and going all out for the sympathy, crisis effect with the group. of course I could be wrong but o don't actually think there's been any infidelity (or even attempted infidelity) on her DH'S part.

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 10:42

No 8 year old leaps from child off (sick probably in their mind) and granny at school (so what) to problems at home. Only adults if they’re nosy enough.

GilbertMarkham · 20/09/2019 10:43

It does seem that C has some sociopathic, narcissist tendencies.

Sometimes these come out, relatively out of the blue.

I mean, average people don't even realise when people are psychopaths, until they commit some unimaginable act. Much milder stuff goes on too.

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 20/09/2019 10:44

Marsha you can be honest, you are one of the friends aren't you.
You haven't the interest of op or her dd at heart.

If C is lying about her marriage imploding, then what difference does it make that op's dd is prepared for changes to her friendship circle. Op could change the wording, but the message stays the same. Now lets make our circle bigger by including others.

There is nothing more confusing to a child than not knowing why they have been excluded. Nothing more hurtful than being excluded. So she needs to know why in a child friendly way, how you put that message across is a matter for the parent.

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 10:47

Read my posts Grass

I do not want the dd to mention to a friend about these non-existent home problems and C hearing that she has. C going ballistic and making it so bad the dd has to leave school.

Child-centred advice. Yes thinking cautiously but fuck it C has shown no qualms in making life hell for the dd.

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 10:48

Op rather.

Say something else anything just not home problems. It’s adult drama that may not be true. So wait.

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2019 10:49

Read again and point out where I haven’t said find new friends

stephf72 · 20/09/2019 10:55

I’m also of the opinion that there will be a ‘reconciliation’ between c and her dh. That they need time to work on their marriage and the op may find herself painted as bitter and twisted as her marriage didn’t work out - I’m not sure how I got there - conjecture and projection.
On a more practical note at pick up id plump for headphones, Michael Kiwanuka turned up to 11.....
“Don’t hesitate
Time heals the pain
You ain’t the problem”