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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

C and the (non-existent) FB messages

999 replies

JaysusWept · 18/09/2019 09:31

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Hmm Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 19/09/2019 19:52

By the way the single mum in BBC comedy “Motherland” was a source of distrust and envy to the glamorous, successful and popular Queen Bee (played by Lucy Punch). Sounds much like your situation with C.

It’s a common common thing, so common it’s now reflected in sitcoms.

So believe it. Honestly.

Travis1 · 19/09/2019 19:56

Sorry this has all gone this way op. Fucking hate shallow people and unfortunately I think @pictish is right on their reasoning

mankyfourthtoe · 19/09/2019 19:59

Are you prettier, more confident, more independent?
I bet her husband paid you a compliment or said I wish you could do that like OP.
might have stuck in her head

gingeristhenewblack43 · 19/09/2019 20:05

I have rtft x2 and it's clear to me that cunty chops is jealous of you. Maybe all the social media posts and posturing about her fantastic DH and marriage / perfect life are to cover that SHE is the one unhappy in her marriage and life, and she resents you having the single life. Maybe she knows her DH would never cheat on her so she has created a situation where she is 'justified' in kicking him out and she can be the victim. Yes people really are that batshit 😳

BarrenFieldofFucks · 19/09/2019 20:06

I would assume that to their mind, the potential break down of a good friend's marriage is a bigger deal than a mis-sent text. So they want to find out what is going on etc.

Marchitectmummy · 19/09/2019 20:08

Just sit this out, as others have said don't make life easy for C by pushing the others away. Think of your dd now. Stay involved and civil, maybe play C at her own game and invite them somewhere over the weekend or something.

Don't react and push them away keep them roughly on side.

wondertime · 19/09/2019 20:11

I’ve been following this threat from the beginning and like everyone else really rooting for you. It’s so unjust and so upsetting. From my personal experience having encountered similar crazy behaviour that’s left me wracking my brains I’ve come to realise that sometimes there are just people with very unkind spiteful hearts. In my case, it took an age to work out but I identified as typical personality disorder behaviour. I wish I saved myself the heartache of trying to work it out as they were master manipulators and many steps ahead of me. As unjust as it all was I never came out on top. They were always the victim. In time though a couple of people began to ask themselves questions and it took years but after feeling very isolated I had people who actually apologised for believing them, it came out in the end. My feeling is a text to the WA group, no one can argue facts. “ hi all, what a week it’s been, one I wish I could forget but it’s happened and I am so sad. As of .... (whatever day it started) I have received a text from someone I considered a close friend saying that I was doing my usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing I have stupid fucking laugh. Then furthermore been falsely accused of sending FB messages to her husband. I have been left out of a new WA group & excluded from drinks. My little girl is excluded too. A week ago I thought I had beautiful & sincere friendships, in the last week this feels turned upside down by it. I am so hurt, confused and sad by the whole thing. I am not sure what is going on for C I am totally baffled how I have come into any of this but either way have been deeply affected by it all.

theoriginalmadambee · 19/09/2019 20:18

@wondertime sorry you have been through similar, great reply text.

goldfinchfan · 19/09/2019 20:37

Many years ago a woman I thought was a very good friend iold others in our social group a load of lies about me. I was unwell and struggling with too much work and so did nothing about it.
Two years later one of those friends came and they owed me an apology. I was puzzled, what for?
Long story short she and the others had believed the friend and I had not defended myself.....but then a very similar incident occurred with another person and friend realised they had been lied to about me.
Weirdest part was why......she had everything and I had very little yet somehow I triggered this response in her.
We can't tell what goes on in some peoples heads!

I never spoke to that ex friend again and felt sad that people had believed her because I had said nothing.

So do say something to defend you and let people see it is her.

magoria · 19/09/2019 20:44

I don't think there is any point to sending a message.

They know what has been done. They know you/your DD is not invited to the evening.

They have chosen not to be chatting to you in your WA group despite what M witnessed.

Deep down they don't really give a shiney shit. They are just enjoying the drama. Look how they were all Shock Shock in your chat after the conversation at the school.

They don't care about you. I don't think they really care for C all that much either.

MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2019 20:50

Also they think someone’s marriage has ended and the dd is so upset she missed school.

Any message like the one below won’t go down well. Mis-timed.

wondertime · 19/09/2019 20:51

I should add that if it were me and I sent that WA I would leave it at that & cool my friendship with them and adopt that brilliant post regarding indifference. As for C & L it would be completely over forever more.

saraclara · 19/09/2019 21:01

If there's any mention of the evening at C's on your WA group, simply say "this whole thing has been many kinds of shit for me. But right now I'm just gutted that DD is being left out of a sleepover with her friends because of it. I have no idea how to explain that to her. When she finds out she's going to be so hurt and confused"

In other words, only mention it within a natural conversation.

Wolfcub · 19/09/2019 21:02

I’m sorry that your friends are not being more supportive of you op, they should be rigorously defending you whatever C’s current personal problems

Grumpelstilskin · 19/09/2019 21:05

At this point and after all that happened, I don’t think there is much point posting anything like those messages suggested, even if they are sincere and heartfelt. They all know what happened. They had the proof on a silver platter but it still did not prompt them to rally round and support OP. On the contrary, they are rallying around the abuser. OP still has her dignity though and I completely understand about pulling back and being cautious around them. Normal, kind people would be touched by such a message as suggested above but it actually gives them the drama they appear to crave and more ammunition for C. Much better is to do something with DD instead, so that she won’t feel like she is missing out with that sleepover. It probably is pointless trying to figure out why C behaved like such a fucknugget. You cannot approach it from a normal, rational mindset. OP is far too busy working and trying to look after her DD to indulge in petty shitty actions. Sometimes, people do mean things out of sheer ennui and because they have too much time on their hands. Despite having this privileged and easy life, C obviously isn’t as happy and content as she makes out. Boredom appears to have made her and her cronies quite spiteful. I am so sorry OP that you were put through the ringer like that. I would feel emotionally bruised in your place. Like others, I would try to form some new friendships.

Original poster
JaysusWept · 19/09/2019 21:08

@mankyfourthtoe I’m none of those! I think I said on the first thread that she’s younger (31, i think - I’m 39), she’s much prettier, slimmer (not that any of this should matter!) I’m definitely not more confident. And, as for independence - well, she has more scope to be able to afford stuff and have babysitters etc, whereas I have more the scope to know that the life I’m living right now is because I wouldn’t put up with a cheating cunt, and to me, that’s priceless.

There’s still been no messages on the WA I’m in...
I’m doing school pickup tomorrow. I’m pretty much resigning myself to the fact that I may need to distance myself massively from all of them. Cheery but non-committal and ‘aloof’ is what I’m aiming for.

OP posts:
EileenAlanna · 19/09/2019 21:11

Can you get a nice T shirt printed up?
1,465 MN Posters And Counting Are On My Side
& wear it on the school run. You've got celebrity status & they don't know it. C's a Z lister & they'll drop her like a hot potato once they realise.

sauvignonblancplz · 19/09/2019 21:16

They are an absolute pack of bitches!!!! Fuck them!!
This all started over a message and the dumb cow was so hell bent on maintaining her perfect image she has created this mess.
In a month she’ll have everything back to normal. This is all a distraction because she’s a jealous , twisted dick!
OP I really hate them for you. The other ones should hang their heads in shame!!!

BykerBykerOoh · 19/09/2019 21:20

OP - it seems you don’t see yourself the way others do. FYI you come across as strong, independent, self-assured, modest and with enough confidence to refuse to put up with shit from anyone. Regardless of how crushed you may feel underneath, you have a lot going for you and you are clearly an excellent role model for your daughter. You have behaved impeccably throughout this ridiculous drama. Hold your head up. I hope you find your tribe soon.

Hidingtonothing · 19/09/2019 21:22

1,465 MN Posters And Counting Are On My Side

Eileen has it, if only they knew you would be flavour of the month! Shallow as fuck Angry

stephf72 · 19/09/2019 21:27

Oh op, don’t tie yourself up in knots trying to wok out why she’s done this to you. You’ll never know. We’re all with you tomorrow for pick up.
When I told a close friend what my c did her simple reply was ‘she really doesn’t like you does she’ at the time it stung but with hindsight she couldn’t have liked me at all.
Some people get a kick out of being cruel. Grey rock for c and l - smile and bright and breezy with everyone else.

SirVixofVixHall · 19/09/2019 21:31

I think it is pretty crap of them to all go round for drinks, when they know you are being excluded and that you have done nothing at all to warrant it.
Why are none of them telling her how badly she is behaving ?

FrancisCrawford · 19/09/2019 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

burnttoastandjam · 19/09/2019 21:35

I hid in the car for two years during pick up. Not the best solution but the easiest.

I did, however, build myself a very powerful and strong network of friends away from school.

Try not to let them get to you (I know it's easier said than done) x

oabiti · 19/09/2019 21:36

Don't be upset, op. Do as one of the earlier posted suggested, and stay aloof. Things with come crashing down and all of her disciples will come running back to you, telling you what an unhinged bitch she is.

I'm not saying you should 'take' them back. But this is what will happen. Not today, perhaps not next month, or even next year, but it will happen.