C and the (non-existent) FB messages

[JaysusWept]

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

That's just every that your dad is getting excluded through no fault of either of you 😥

Hate hate hate my iPad keyboard.

That's just evil your DD is getting excluded though no fault of either of you,

They're also all.gling round there to get the Goss on c and her marriage.

They can only presume her dh had been locked out of left as they don't know otherwise.

Op being wrongly blamed for sending some FB messages and the nasty oops text she saw before that are relatively small fry compared to the drama and gossip and "support requirement" of a marriage breakdown, an apparently happy, secure marriage and home.

• chucked out or left

I know your DD hasn't been invited to C's but would you have let her if she had? There's no way I'd let my child. I'd have a cinema trip booked for that night. Hopefully the other women aren't such cruel bitches and will still include your DD

We have the OP. We have C and her DH. We have K, M, D and L.

Suppose the DH has been having a fling with someone we can call X, and C is highly suspicious but has no idea who the woman is.
(X could be a total stranger or K, M, D or L).

Suppose that one day, C told either K M D or L of her suspicions, but that she doesn't know who X is.

If C has picked the guilty one to talk to, then she isn't going to admit it is she? She's going to divert the suspicion away from herself. If she isn't the guilty one, she will try to come up with suggestions of who it could be. Who better than the OP, who innocently walks the school run home with the DH on a fairly regular basis, and is conveniently single?

So it is one of KMDL who has pointed the finger at the OP all along, either deliberately or mistakenly.

And the messages? They probably did exist, but with X under a nickname, quite possibly weeks or months ago, the DH has long ago deleted them and has no idea that C found them. Which would explain his bemused expression in the playground.

What a damn cheek she said you are always the victim. She manipulates situations to make herself the victim so she doesn’t have to account for her actions. She is a horrible person. What can I say. And the others are horrible to not see this.

*Sorry but not surprised to hear this.

C's one goal here is to get rid of you from the group. Don't burn your bridges and do her work for her.

The others are fence sitters, not bitches. If you snap, they will jump to her side.

C will already be using the fact that you told her not to contact her again against you.*

I agree with this. Don’t burn your bridges, for the sake of your daughter. By all means, step back but don’t do anything rash.

Bold fail sorry.

I would have to put something in the WA group about the sleepover and DD's exclusion. Something like:

"I understand that all your children are having a sleepover at C's on Friday that DD isn't invited to? I've done literally nothing to cause any of this drama, so I'm really upset that DD seems to have been excluded. Could you suggest moving the event to one of your houses and inviting DD?"

I understand that all your children are having a sleepover at C's on Friday that DD isn't invited to? I've done literally nothing to cause any of this drama, so I'm really upset that DD seems to have been excluded. Could you suggest moving the event to one of your houses and inviting DD?

Please don't do anything so desperate OP.

Lets stop over egging the pudding people.

OP, Walk away and take your dd with you.

I cannot believe the drama on this thread. Yes these women are a nest of bitches (all of them) but the OP's happiness doesn't depend on them.

Slam the door Op and don't look back. often we can get too wrapped up in school yard politics. Clearly here, this C has hierarchy, it's laughable in the grand scheme of life. Learn and move on.

No don’t post that
Just let it be for a while

You really think it's desperate to ask people to act like grown-ups when their drama is starting to impact on OP's daughter?

OP I think it's really time to look for new friends on the school run. Ask DD who else she would like to invite on a play date. Get to know some different mums. I had something happen to me which meant one mum broke up our friendship group in reception so I made an effort with some of the new mums and my son's new friends and it worked out well in the end.

Ask DD who else she would like to invite on a play date.

I like the idea of suggesting DD invites someone on a playdate on Friday. She won't be upset at her friends getting together if she already has plans with someone else.

I have to say, I'm inclined to agree with posters who say a note to the WA group with tC saying how unfair it is that your DD is being targeted when you have done nothing wrong is worth while. It might not change anything (because I agree with Pictish, it's about who has the most social standing and who is the one whose friendship is the most "valuable". And god, that hurts to say because I was you), but at least it MIGHT make them think. In my case, I didn't say anything because I just assumed none of these other women would exclude me from their lives just because I'd had a fall out with another woman. I was wrong. And by the time I worked it out and did say something, it was too late.

You really think it's desperate to ask people to act like grown-ups when their drama is starting to impact on OP's daughter?

I do yes. Why turn the girl into a victim.

Why let her become a victim in the first place when the adults could be reminded to act like adults?

I really wouldn’t message them, they will thrive on the idea you are suffering, given how callous they have turned out to be. If they had a conscience of decency they would not be doing this.

You show weakness they will seize on it, capitalise on it, and leave dd out anyway. These women are bullies. Like the school playground.
Treat them like children by showing them how adults behave.

The best thIng you can do is sail past them with indifference. That will be far harder for them to exploit/take advantage of. Be strong op.

OP, you appear to be collateral damage in a marriage break up.
Hopefully things will improve.

Thanks for all your messages.
To those saying C is threatened by me and wants me out of the group - I really don’t understand this. Up until a few weeks ago we were all friends and everything was normal. I’ve wracked my brain to think if something happened in the past few weeks to cause her change towards me but I really can’t think of anything.

She is very social and does like attention and to entertain. She would have absolutely no need to ever feel threatened by me. On the outside, she appears to have it all - big house, good car, happy marriage (!), part time job that she doesn’t really need, no money worries, lots of holidays, supportive family, good friends (!) Whereas I’m stressed to fuck in a busy f/t job, live in a place that needs so much work done to it, drive a banger, am in debt and am generally just run down and not living my best life!
I do not believe that she feels threatened by me. If she wants me out of the group - and she clearly does! - then I have no idea what the motive behind it is.

The WA group is very quiet this evening. I can’t help feeling paranoid that they’re all in the other WA chat that’s excluded me!
My DD told me that C’s DD wasn’t at school today but she hasn’t said anything about a sleepover so I assume K’s DD hasn’t mentioned it to her. (Sorry for all the initials, they do my head in too!)

But she is threatened by you now OP - she sent you that bitchy text by accident and in her mind, you could've told everyone and potentially destroyed her social standing. And when you didn't lie down and take her excuse like she wanted you to, she had to improvise. Now it's spiralled out of her control and you've proven you're not going to back down, keep your mouth shut and become a social pariah just because she fucked up and wanted to pretend she hadn't. So she's had to keep going and going. She's in this for the long haul: in her head one of you is going to end up an outcast and she's trying everything to make sure it's not her.

No not before accidentally sending the text but now you threaten that she might lose her friends - hence the don’t you turn x w and z against me text

Also laughing too loudly at her dh is probably enough to make her hate you

Is chatting on the walk home a new thing?

I do not believe that she feels threatened by me

You better start believing it as it’s crystal. It could be a simple as you are a single woman and therefore a) everyone needs to lock up there husband or b) you may think your life looks a grind but to others it could be a blank canvas of amazing opportunities and a fabulous life free of marital restriction.

If your DD is telling you that C’s DD wasn’t at school today nod and don’t say much. I know you’re not stupid but don’t mine for info. Ask nothing of your DD about the others’ children.

This is all part of you extricating yourself from the drama llamas.