C and the (non-existent) FB messages

[JaysusWept]

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

I wouldn’t say anything at all.

It’s not nice for your DD but I wouldn’t be letting her anywhere near any of their DD’s out of school without you present.

They’ll come crawling back OP when they see C’s colours, stupid bitches she’s got them exactly where she wants them. I was all for K during that first thread but it sounds like she’s getting off on the drama too.

I’d be focusing on making new friends and encouraging DD to widen her circle too.

I fee quite sorry for the DH caught up in this absolute shower!!

@combatbarbieep yep that could be interesting especially an unannounced visit! She wont have time to have rehersed her tale of woe at that point hehe

There will doubtless be tumbleweed to that message, but hopefully it will make them feel guilty as fuck. They should.

Leave the WA group and find better friends OP. None of them deserve your friendship. Fuckers

Sorry about your DD but def make plans with her to do something else so she’ll be distracted

I'll be honest I wouldn't put anything in wa as you can bet your life one of the fuckers will send it to cuntface C.

(Wow this thread has really brought out the swearer in me. I'm so angry on your behalf)

If you see one of them at pick up I would mention it breezily. That you obviously don't want an invite but don't want it to affect dd. And cuntfaces lying and bitchy texts essentially means your child is isolated.

I wouldn't make a big deal of it. But just so it's noted. A grown adult being a fuckwit deliberately upsetting a child. It doesn't get much lower to be honest.

I’m sorry but I’m going to be a bit blunt here. My opinion fwiw...might be wrong disclaimer applies BUT

They are continuing to support C because she is more popular, well-connected and of greater social standing than OP. OP mentioned in the previous thread that C is very sociable, knows everyone, has gatherings at her place a lot and basically, that’s what it boils down to. It’s a popularity contest and they stand to gain more in social terms keeping in with C than by siding with OP.
They are covering their own arses and protecting the interests of their children.

I am so sorry this has happened to you OP. Truly I am. You haven’t done a single thing wrong, this has been foisted on you from nowhere and none of it is your fault or your failure.

Couldn’t it be that try are going to hear her side of the story before they make up their minds about what’s going on? IVe had a friend lie spectacularly before and I had to go to hers to find out her side of the story before making up my own mind... needless to say we are no longer friends.

However no matter the reason they are going round, i think you need to find better friends.

@pictish Sadly I think you might be right, such a shame that people are so shallow

I'm sure they must have seen this thread by now, one of them must be on Mumsnet!

Yes I reckon they know about it, and I also reckon that at least one of them has posted on the thread(s).

As to another PP's idea that the OP should send a message on Facebook to the DH to ask how he is...

You haven't been following this at all, have you? The OP and the DH don't have each other on FB for crying out loud.

They must realise what it looks like - and is! They have accepted an invite to a gathering the sole purpose of which is to exclude OP...after she has been dragged through the mud.
These women are not stupid. They know how it has been played and they are going with it.
None of them are offering any reassurances to the OP.

Kicked him out? Pft I bet she hasn't.

I don't think so either.

He's working and her mother's picking the kids up because C is "ill".

@gostiwooz that will have been me and how hard is it to search someone on Facebook and click message.... You don't have to be friends to be able to do that!!!!!!

So much more likely that C's DH has left her of his own will rather than walking out. But conniving C has seen an opportunity to make it look like part of her being the victim.
Very surprising she has the headspace for a sleepover if she's as devastated as she claims.

I’m so annoyed on your behalf with these people but I would take it easy on accusations and messages to the others purely because of your dd.

If they can do Friday night without reason, they can make it worse for her at school if they decide to.

Christ it’s ridiculous I know.

I agree with Pictish - she’s better connected, and that will play a part in this. I’d be interested to know how others in the playground have reacted - a lot of them will know by now. C will make sure of that. Has there been a lot of shuffling and looking at shoes op?

What a shower of shits they are

You shouldn’t be going through this

@pictish, you're absolutely right and its bloody shameful. OP, I doubt it's much consolation but you sound so lovely, they'll regret losing you as a friend far more than you will them in the long run. Utter fuckers the lot of them.

Op the only way forward is to rise the hell above this shallow, spiteful behaviour.
The others are now protecting their social standing, and that of their children. By not saying anything at all to C they have effectively thrown you under the bus, and are busy burying the evidence.

You may find this hard to believe, but from this you will go on to make better friends. I know I did, and when I looked back and realised they really not great even at the time.

You have not got time to ponder on it now though, please pick up the phone and start shielding dd so she isn’t left with this problem at school.

Does dd other friends at school ( please say yes 🙏🏻 )
Does she have friends at home/clubs etc?

Book your dd up until Christmas now. If she asks you why you are both not seeing the others, in your cheeriest voice you say it’s time to make the friendship circle bigger, and include some new children. Explain that the best way to always be happy at school is to have lots of friends, and be friends with everyone (isn’t that the truth)
If you preempt C’s next shitty move your dd won’t suffer.

There should be a script for people like C and a warning label.

At some point fully expect at least one of the group to come shuffling back head hung low, their dd will miss yours etc, and they will start to feel bad.
You can decide what to do about that when it happens, but for now defend your child from this shit storm.
C will be far far less effective if she isn’t getting to you and dd.

Stay absolutely silent or better still pull out of the new WA without a word.

Don’t forget this group can not and will not survive. Eventually it will turn inwards and savage the others and get default C. Karma can be a bitch. You will be long gone by then.

C has also suggested that some of the kids go round there as well for a sleepover

This is just spiteful - it's impacting a child.

What an unspeakable cowbag!

Sorry but not surprised to hear this.

C's one goal here is to get rid of you from the group. Don't burn your bridges and do her work for her.

The others are fence sitters, not bitches. If you snap, they will jump to her side.

C will already be using the fact that you told her not to contact her again against you.

Hopefully you will see at least one of them on Sunday. Invite their dd to play at the same time if you can.

You absolutely do not need these women as ‘friends’
Do exactly as has been previously suggested......seek new real friends for you and your Dd.
Invite different children for tea, join new clubs, you could even do martial arts or something together. You are a little team now ready to go and spread your wings and improve life!
Good luck OP.

Sounds like she was trying to push you put of the group/create a sub group that was against you, ridiculing you anyway ..before this. Now the missent text has just made her go scorched earth instead of insidious on it.

She does sound like she's more central in the group - you said she's one of the main if not the main social hostess .. they're going to go with the apparent stronger party/linchpin, sad evolutionary social pecking order shit.

Bit she was always going to try to do this, isolate you and demean you, shes been doing it for quite one time with whoever would join in (k clearly, who knows about the others) so it was always going to be necessary for you to find other groups for you and your dd. Say nothing and concentrate on that.

*quite some time

OP I'm so sorry they are excluding your daughter now 😢

They're awful. The lot of them

Hoping Pictish has underestimated KL or M. It's so sad to see this bullying behaviour play out amongst grown women

I'm hoping at least some of these bystanders know how to behave decently when they see bullying.

eyesonbullying.org/bystander.html