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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

C and the (non-existent) FB messages

999 replies

JaysusWept · 18/09/2019 09:31

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Hmm Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
Inishoo · 19/09/2019 14:55

This won’t be an event that your DD will be excluded from - it will be everything that this group does with the children - because even if it was something one of the other 4 organise - C will claim that her DD won’t be able to go if yours does - yet again she will make them pick sides - and yet again they will pick hers. This will run for years - I have seen this happen before.

Your 100% focus on how you emotionally protect your DD from the fall out of this. She will be confused and socially excluded. C’s daughter could say to her your Mummy made my Mummy sad so I can’t be your friend. Or K (seems like the shit stirring flying monkey) might give that job to her DD. The kids will pick up on the tension between the adults, overhear bits of conversations or will be told some direct lies.

Figgygal · 19/09/2019 14:57

Nasty fuckers the lot of them

WhoKnewBeefStew · 19/09/2019 15:00

They all sound bloody awful tbh. Sounds like they are all equally into the drama. I'm not surprised you're passed off with all of them OP. I'd be hurts and fuming. As for the dc ahh having a sleep over, that's just C being a cunt and getting at you via the children. Fuck em all

combatbarbie · 19/09/2019 15:01

Oh do you know what, I'd just start fighting fire with fire now she's using the kids now.....

Just because of the way I am, I'd be dropping a Facebook message to DH saying that you are sorry to hear he has been kicked out and hope everything is OK..... And see what he comes back with, you have the WhatsApp group message.... Fuck them all OP

Or....... KMD are playing the long game to get proof C has kicked him out?? clutches at straws

cleanasawhistle · 19/09/2019 15:14

They sound awful,you have found out who your friends are.

Feel so sorry for you OP you dont deserve any of this

BringTheBounceBack · 19/09/2019 15:14

None of these women are your friends.
None of them.

So busy running after her because she’s “so upset” but who the fuck was there when you were (and are still) a victim? No one ran off and set up a group WA with you. No one set up a drinks date with you.
You’ve been alienated AGAIN!

They can all bolt!

stephf72 · 19/09/2019 15:16

So sorry op.
The ostracising of your dd is unforgivable. It is interesting that shes kept her dd off school as she’s so upset etcetc. As anyone who’s been through family difficulties knows the best place for a kid is school when this is happening. School is a great distraction at difficult times.
It’s just bizarre - just a week ago could you even have imagined this happening.
Onwards and upwards for you op. I promise it’ll be great. Seriously how do the c’s of this world sleep at night

stephf72 · 19/09/2019 15:18

And I’d expect this to run and run, you’re friends are clearly scared of her

fedup21 · 19/09/2019 15:21

The fact they are all pandering to her despite mowing she has made the whole thing up say sit all.

None of them are your friends

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 19/09/2019 15:21

Op

I have been through this, and have learnt the hard way. This was always going to happen to DD (because C is a bitch and she is going all out for the jugular) The whole ruse about dh was to bring the others to her, and didn't it work out perfectly for her. Even though they know damn well she lied, they are still sticking with it. That tells you all you need to know as far as friendship goes.

  1. Get together a group of school friends for your dd (anyone will do) and organise a sleepover. Explain that it is important she expands her network. Ensure to make it fun so when there is talk next week of C's sleepover she won't care

  2. Line up as many playdates as possible with other children and try and steer dd away from this. Believe it or not , you might wish you had done this before, as c's children are likely to end up as toxic as she is given her influence.

  3. Try to get involved locally so you no longer look to them as friends. You live in a major city you should be able to find new friends easily if you want to.

  4. Change your pick up routines if you can, so that she can't organise group playdates with all the girls but yours.

  5. Reevaluate the Sunday lunch, K is no friend of yours, even if it goes ahead how can you sit there with her. She will probably bail at the last minute anyway.

You can move on but you need to be quick. Work out other school friends and shield dd from the worst of this.

I am not surprised she weaponised the kids - anyone who can lie and manipulate to this degree will not think twice.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/09/2019 15:23

You should tell KMD, that C DH is here with you and to tell C not to worry, he's fine, you will take care of him

I joke but that would be hilarious

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 19/09/2019 15:23

Each and every one of their da’s sells Avon.

whitebowls · 19/09/2019 15:23

OP. I've been in exactly this position. It's devastating on so many levels, isn't it.
They will see the error of their way in time but it'll be too late for you.
How very, very mean they are.
Regardless of your tough exterior I'm sure you're hurting.
There is no excuse for their behavior and lack of support for you. They are just following the drama.
I just wanted to show some solidarity with you at this hurtful time. It's impossible to defend yourself against something you have not done.
Be kind to yourself and enjoy your DD.

whitebowls · 19/09/2019 15:27

.....and, if I was you friend I promise you I'd be standing solidly beside you.

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 19/09/2019 15:27

Me too white

burnttoastandjam · 19/09/2019 15:40

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut 

@JaysusWept dignified silence and smile (from a distance) is the only solution to this.

And find yourself and DD some new friends.

stephf72 · 19/09/2019 15:48

Me too white - shoulder to shoulder

SunshineCake · 19/09/2019 15:56

I know you are pissed off at your dd being left out but would you really have sent her to a sleep over at C's house now ?

AryaStarkWolf · 19/09/2019 16:01

I know you are pissed off at your dd being left out but would you really have sent her to a sleep over at C's house now ?

I think the issue is probably how easily the other 3 have accepted Op and her daughters "pushing out" knowing how malicious and nasty C has been to the OP, the OP is the one who should be being supported and comforted as she is the injured party in all this

Flossdancing · 19/09/2019 16:02

The advice @Thegrasscouldbegreeener gives above is spot on.

Id stay civil with the group but at a distance. They all deserve each other imo. Not one of the three left has really been there for you in all this- even when M saw the Hs confused reaction as clear cut evidence there were no messages/C was lying. That would be it for me.

Definitely plan something special for your DD either Fri night or early Sat morning so there is a reason she can see that she wasnt able to go round.

This is shit but give it six months- who knows who will be next on the radar once you show her your not fussed/have taken a step back. I do like the idea of turning up Fri night tho whilst they are all there (H too none the wiser that hes been ‘kicked out’) and asking her wtf is going on Wink

CandyLeBonBon · 19/09/2019 16:03

I can't quite believe how disloyal your other 3 friends are being. That must sting for sure. But don't engage. You know your truth and it will all come out in the end.

fiveleftfeet · 19/09/2019 16:03

C cancelled K going round - said she was not in a good place right now and too upset to see anyone and will call her tonight

The husband hasn't left IMO. This is a ruse to get the others pandering to her again, and looks like they've fallen for it.

C is highly manipulative and is spinning a web of lies IMO. She's just getting deeper and deeper into it though, this is going to all blow up (more than it already has done).

NigellaAwesome · 19/09/2019 16:05

Holy fuck.

They are all shitty friends.

So C, in discovering she has been rumbled, creates a distraction in which she is the victim, and they all go running.

She quite possibly has kicked her DH out because he didn't keep up her charade, or he has realised she is an absolute psycho and left.

Regardless, the way they are behaving is really unforgivable. Find new friends. Find new friends for your DD. Sad Angry

combatbarbie · 19/09/2019 16:05

I know you want to watch from afar OP but I'd be asking in the WA group if they are so concerned about her someone should go round tonight unannounced to check on her.... Ill take bets DH will be there oblivious

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 19/09/2019 16:07

Surely you have to send some sort of message now OP, or they will just continue to sideline you.

Something along the lines of: "I understand that you're all going to C's house on Friday, and I know I'm not welcome. I'm upset about it, as I haven't done anything wrong, but I respect it.

However, all your DC are going to have a sleepover as well, and my DD is not invited. It seems very unfair to me that personal feelings amongst the adults should have an impact on a little girl, who will undoubtedly be very upset when she realises she has not been included. I would appreciate your reassurance that my DD will not suffer as a result of adult disagreements. Thanks."

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