Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

C and the (non-existent) FB messages

999 replies

JaysusWept · 18/09/2019 09:31

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Hmm Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
FishCakesFishCakesLovelyLovely · 19/09/2019 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bloomburger · 19/09/2019 09:55

C's husband is shagging someone with same name as you I reckon!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/09/2019 10:03

Saying she has thrown him out is pretty out there though-I think he has been fucking around and she has been desperately trying to find evidence and her brain has puts things together wrongly-she has then mismanaged the situation.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/09/2019 10:03

People who lie like that will never admit they did and will lie and lie more to cover their tracks, I've met people like that in real life, anyone who calls them out on it, they will make an enemy. I don't believe C kicked the DH out, I reckon he's either still there or he left after confronting C about the messages. The fact she didn't want K calling round and doesn't want to talk about it is her hoping everyone will just shut up so she doesn't have to explain herself

AryaStarkWolf · 19/09/2019 10:05

Saying she has thrown him out is pretty out there though-I think he has been fucking around and she has been desperately trying to find evidence and her brain has puts things together wrongly-she has then mismanaged the situation.

If that was the case she would have handled the wrongly sent text issue at the start very differently imo

MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2019 10:10

If anyone who believes the same name thing could explain why the initial reaction was as it was that’d be great.

Cos I don’t get why you’d say oh it was about someone from work and then invite op for a play date (that was it wasn’t it?)

stephf72 · 19/09/2019 10:10

Anya is right it’s lies on top of more lies as she’ll never admit she’s done anything wrong, never apologise and create new dramas to further obfuscate. It’s all smoke and mirrors and you may never find out the truth.
Their marriage, their problems.
When I went through similar my c apparently left the martial home for a while. Her dh later revealed she’d been hiding in her bedroom for three days ???? Well that’s what he said - god knows if it was true

MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2019 10:11

Steph no way!

Yep lies are just a firm of truth to C

AryaStarkWolf · 19/09/2019 10:13

@stephf72 Yep, it's like a Liars version of "The Script"

MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2019 10:15

Form of truth - in for a penny in for a pound and all that

stephf72 · 19/09/2019 10:18

Yep, I’ve been thinking that for a while about the liars version of the script!!!!

AryaStarkWolf · 19/09/2019 10:21

haha great minds!

loobyloo1234 · 19/09/2019 10:29

C’s DH is not cheating. Come on. The initial reaction from C after the first texts show that. It is just a web of lies she is trying to spin to cover for being a spiteful bitch

I would not be surprised if her DH has now left her for being a complete fruit loop though

ThatCurlyGirl · 19/09/2019 10:33

People like this just dig a deeper and deeper hole. I think sometimes while they know they are lying, they justify it to themselves because they feel they are victims / the wronged party just the details are different, if that makes sense?

I have a family member who does this, she makes life difficult for us all by lying but she's so sure she's a victim of circumstance in life in general that she can't ever paint herself as the one in the wrong in specific situations.

ImNotYourGranny · 19/09/2019 10:35

If he has left, which I doubt, it won't be because he was cheating, it'll be because he's furious at being lied about by his wife. Don't forget she's been putting out in their small community that he has something inappropriate going on with the OP. I'd explode if my husband was going round giving people the impression that I was having an affair purely so he sounds better to his mates.

ThatCurlyGirl · 19/09/2019 10:36

For example C's thought process probably goes along the following lines:

Well I know he's cheated with someone, I can feel it.
And yeah I got the person wrong but only because he lies to me all the time and (OP) is over friendly with him so what was I supposed to think?!
Why is everyone angry with me when they've both behaved badly too etc

AryaStarkWolf · 19/09/2019 10:37

@ThatCurlyGirl I agree, in her head she's probably justifying it by saying "well Jaysus does fancy my DH, I know it but I can't prove it, so making up the FB messages was justified" Liars convince themselves that it's a round about truth so everyone else is wrong

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 19/09/2019 10:52

My bet is the DH isn't in the house. Not because he's kicked out but he's on a work trip or a trip with friends. K know C is a drama queen, but this may be the first time she's been actively caught lying rather than revelling in gossip. I suspect the DH line has been pulled because C wants the attention OP got when she was in the middle of the fallout from her Xs affair. OP was never meant to have spoken with witnesses to the DH.

LenoVentura · 19/09/2019 11:05

She hasn't kicked out the DH, she's just got her mother to do pick up to reinforce the lie. She's cancelled K because K will realise that the DH is still there and it's all part of the same lie. As others have said, she'll lie and lie again - next it'll be that they've patched things up and she's moving away from this particular friendship group for "a fresh start".

She'll probably even move her kids to another school - that's what these people do. She's painted herself into a corner but because she's immature, she can't come out on the front foot and hold her hand up. Pathetic.

stephf72 · 19/09/2019 11:28

Leaving the school is the last thing she’ll do - but I agree she’s pathetic

ThatCurlyGirl · 19/09/2019 11:31

The thing is that for people like her it's easier for her to run away and start a new lie than it is for her to face up to the consequences of the existing lie.

Compulsive liars have to justify their lying because otherwise they have to say to themselves that they are doing something wrong, which they can't cope with because in their world there are victims (herself) and villains (anyone who crosses their path in a way they don't lie).

They spiral further and further with bigger and more outrageous lies to try to get to the "well nobody would like about that so he must be telling the truth.

And IME they also rely on people being afraid to directly call them out. I've fallen for this many times when I was younger, when I would have had to say directly to someone "you're a liar, that is absolutely not true." I didn't want the confrontation whereas now I know that a short period of awkwardness is much easier in the long run than being anywhere near someone who has involved you in a lie.

ThatCurlyGirl · 19/09/2019 11:35

Oh and if she does move schools (which I wouldn't be surprised at one bit) her story to the parents at the new school will be that she moved because she was being victimised by another mum at the old school.

In her head because you won't play ball and just drop it saying it was a misunderstanding you are bullying her.

I bet she wails at the Sistine Chapel - absolute drama llama.

stephf72 · 19/09/2019 11:47

And sadly ime and as others on this thread have mentioned it is often the victim who leaves.
It hasn’t got to this point with the op yet at all, it’s currently all conjecture - but I really hope for their children’s sake that there will be some sort of resolution.

MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2019 11:50

Luckily the playground confirmation but a halt to that, one hopes. Op can quite rightly wash her hands of the crazy mess.

Otherwise yeh I reckon it would have continued to go down hill

GabsAlot · 19/09/2019 13:23

I knew a compulsive liar once years ago-spread nasty lies about several people luckily only lost one friend over it who believed everything she said think they only had each other in the end which serves them right

These sort of people will never admit to what theyve done they just make excuses and move on to the next person

Swipe left for the next trending thread