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Original poster

C and the (non-existent) FB messages

999 replies

JaysusWept · 18/09/2019 09:31

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Hmm Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 18/09/2019 17:14

You must be so happy and relieved to be out of it

babbydriver · 18/09/2019 17:15

Ok I have another theory I am way to invested in this thread.
C has been irked by your friendship with all of the group or just one of them, possibly L. She's trying to get you out for whatever reason, maybe she's jealous. She has been making little comments to L or whoever and when she saw you with her H this was the perfect opportunity to put the knife in a bit more. A first it looks like her plan has worked, the others believe her and she's maybe saying to them she should be watching your with they're H's.
Then you ask her H. He is obviously completely confused and goes home and asks her about it. She panics and tells him and he calls her a fucking fruitloop (maybe she has form) and walks out.

She then decideds to say she's kicked him out (he's either still in the house or sat in the pub pissed of with her) to get sympathy and attention hoping that the others will believe her.

XmasAnnoyances · 18/09/2019 17:23

It's a bit too much of a coincidence that him finding out about the messages and him leaving happened at the same time.

Grumpelstilskin · 18/09/2019 17:31

Wow that has been a rollercoaster for you OP! Sadly, there are some people that are incredibly adept in manipulation social situations to emerge as the victim, despite being the actual wrong doer. It can be a bewildering minefield. It’s hard to react to or deal with people who are so unhinged that they seem to engage in a scorched earth policy. An embarrassing and unpleasant moment, getting caught out gossiping has completely spun out of control with C digging deeper and deeper instead of just owning up and apologising. It really doesn’t matter what is going on with C though. None would excuse her subsequent behaviour to you. It probably would tinge my feelings about the others too, whether or not their initial stance is understandable. C may very well end up being a single mother too. If she encounters the kind of social downgrade as a result of it, then that is a bit of Karma. I would not reach out to her though because she went really too far.

babybabynames · 18/09/2019 17:33

Too many crazy theories here imo! I know we are all invested but still... Why give credence to Caroline's story- she is a proven liar, and has narcissistic traits- and by the way there is actually no point trying to work out a narcissist's motives.

The husband and Caroline probably rowed after the playground revelation, and he's left to get headspace. She's playing victim. Who cares.

I disagree with some of @tattyheadsmum points but not all. I don't think OP said she had 'a great degree of support' from the other 3 women at all. They were chatting away in another WhatsApp group whilst the OP sat there by herself diverting wtf was going on. They only came back to her after the playground incident which M witnessed. I agree the OP probably shouldn't push them all away dramatically, but she hasn't said she's going to do that - and you are super calm and mature about all this OP.

I think the best approach is to keep your own counsel, be very aware of the other 3 and not give them full trust. Spend more time with trusted friends like your sister in the meantime. Good luck xx

StormTreader · 18/09/2019 17:37

Has he really left? No chance he's just on a business trip or something and she's grabbing the opportunity for drama?

pictish · 18/09/2019 17:37

I am also totes invested, if only because I have been through similar (if not the same) and can relate to everyone involved...albeit mainly OP of course.

Many people will scoff at these types of occurrences as childish, a waste of time, drama etc...and while it’s fair to say that they do share those elements, they still impact on peoples quality of life!

If all your friends take against you (for whatever reason) and your kids are friends with their kids...and your social life depends on being part of that group, you can find yourself laid very low and hurt by being frozen out. Your social opportunities are curtailed, your support network is withdrawn, your children are no longer welcome, you become the target of general speculation. It’s a massive blow. I’d even go so far as to say that for some, it could amount to trauma.

As soon as the OP replied to C’s initial text with a simple ‘?’, C knew it was going to be her or OP. Her flimsy deflection didn’t hold up and now she’s a digging a hole for her life.

Instatwat · 18/09/2019 17:43

I’m so very over invested in this story. Well done for your dignified responses to all of this OP!

MamaGee09 · 18/09/2019 18:12

If he’s left it probably because he found out she is a lying idiot and can’t put up with her craziness any longer.

You are well out of it!

So glad you managed to out her as a big liar!

Blatherskite · 18/09/2019 18:39

Wow! My guess he's been messaging someone and either has this OW in his phone as you or OW shares your first name and C has assumed it's you. He's gone home, asked about the messages and she's blown up about seeing them.

Biancadelrioisback · 18/09/2019 18:44

Yikes

Bouffalant · 18/09/2019 18:59

@Blatherskite That actually sounds possible.

wineandcheeseplease · 18/09/2019 19:03

She's bonkers

DawgLover · 18/09/2019 19:09

Given that C had been off with OP for a while, and already bitching about her to L I was also inclined to think the same as Blatherskite

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 18/09/2019 19:15

Perhaps now he has admitted the messages were from another woman, because of the row with you.

She has kicked dh out because he has finally admitted the truth.

It could be that C really believed it was you op, and may be keen to make amends, it does in no way make it forgivable that she has been talking behind your back. However discovering your marriage has imploded can play havoc with your ability to think clearly.

Continue as you are, not getting involved, not commenting and see how it shapes up. If she really was such a good friend, I am pretty certain she would have asked you herself long before now, but maybe she was not sure. As it turns out there was an OW, it just wasn't you.

Walnutwhipster · 18/09/2019 19:18

C is a maniac but L is as bad.

pictish · 18/09/2019 19:22

Let’s not forget, there are no messages. They’ve been ‘deleted’.

MarshaBradyo · 18/09/2019 19:27

I know people are filling in the story but C would have spoken differently to op on that first call if she thought she had sent messages.

Also in the crying out laughing victim text it was all about saving her friends rather than anything to do with her dh.

No idea what’s going on now however, will admit.

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 18/09/2019 19:36

pic The only part of the C's charade I do believe is there is some reason to believe her dh is cheating/or planning to, it is her paranoia that has caused op such a problem. I can't help but feel C's dh is not innocent in all of this.

ChuckleBuckles · 18/09/2019 20:08

Hope you are coping OP, this entire thing is a massive head wreck and I am sorry that C seems determined to drag you through her issues, whatever they are.

GilbertMarkham · 18/09/2019 20:10

As I've pointed out before if C's DH was using op as a cover in any way .. wouldn't his reaction have been the slightest bit more guilty,/aware when op confronted him?

FantasticButtocks · 18/09/2019 20:20

Bloody hell! Shock
I reckon that he went home, asked her wtf was going on... and she spun him some kind of story about how you were trying to besmirch her name, saying you had got it wrong, were confused etc and ending with telling him if he doesn't believe her and can't be loyal to her he can get out now! Cue him leaving...
Marriage crisis now gets all the sympathy from friends... attention and concern now all firmly on C.
Marriage crisis, him 'lying', messing with another school mum, causes parents to have to go to playground for collection.
Good idea to keep your distance Jaysus, while also keeping an eye on WhatsApp conversations.
Hopefully C is having a hideous time within this drama she's created, all coming from bitching about you by text.
Or... he's shagging someone else and she has got it wrong who the person actually is. Now knows it's not you but can't bring herself to admit how wrong she was.

MadeForThis · 18/09/2019 20:26

Disengage. They all seem to be revelling in the drama. They seem more interested in what happens next than in their supposed friends being hurt.

Whatever the truth is, you have been hurt and ostracised. C clearly has issues.

None of the women have been a good friend to either of you.

ValerianV · 18/09/2019 20:27

You don't chuck your DH out because someone sent him flirty messages, the whole thing is weird.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 18/09/2019 20:33

Kicked him out? Pft I bet she hasn't... she'll now tell everyone that they are trying to reconcile and work through this, and she'd rather no one spoke to them about it, to help them heal Hmm

Job done, she plays the victim, it's still the OPs fault and no one is allowed to talk to the husband. In the meantime, the husband is none the wiser and wondering why no one is talking to him anymore at pick up - she's a fruit loop