Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

@MoreNiceCereal i wouldn't worry so much. I've had it a few times and actually it helped me (they unmatched me). It stopped me checking their location etc. Plus if you are chatting on WA. Don't even mention it. You have numbers, you've had a great time and spoke after.

@nomorecereal I think some people Unmatch once you have moved off tinder to WA (cynically it stops you checking whether his distance keeps changing). I unmatched someone I was chatting to once as I was a bit vigorous with clearing out my inbox. He may even have come off tinder?

Ok, I'll just ignore the unmatch and see what happens over the next day or so.

I doubt he's come off Tinder, knowing what little I know of him, but maybe he likes to keep his Tinder tidy.

Its funny you mention this @Ginmel I was talking to my therapist at the start of the year.

And we spoke about how we would handle certain behaviours in our work life, family life and friends.

So if we took a situation that happened in dating, what would I do in work etc.

I replied that I'm very very good at my job and I don't tolerate any level of disrespect, poor behaviour etc. If it was friends I would call out how they made me feel. Yet in my love life. I constantly doubt myself. (Whilst this is now getting much better) so if a guy does something I don't like or treats me in a way I don't like. I would often, dwell on it or overlook it etc. Worried that I'm wrong or that I'm overreacting.

Yet in work I absolutely would not doubt my decision.

So now, I try to look at something and think how would I react if this happened at work. Would I tolerate it, would I say something. Would I just leave it etc.

We are just casual anyway so I have no desire to make any fuss.

@lifegoes We hardly ever doubt decisions we make when we are in possession of facts and in control of the situation and as emotions are mostly illogical and irrational we end up getting stuck or making mistakes. And once we've made enough of them I can only hope we can get better at emotional stuff.

@MoreNiceCereal Relax, this wasn't your only communication channel. Also, isn't waiting a complete PiTA??

Yeah I totally agree @ILoveFreckles I just remember at the time of discussion, Thinking I never once second doubt myself in work/family/friends and if I don't like the behaviour of someone I walk away. Yet with men I always seconded doubted myself - never wanted to say how I felt, incase I was classed as overreacting or acting stupid. Walking away - incase I got it wrong. Not wanting to trust my gut etc.

Now though after my therapy and having two wonderful friends around me. I will never second doubt myself with men (she hopes)

Ant There is no need to run and hide - you have followed your heart - nowt wrong with that. Everything crossed for you - keep communicating- sometimes our head gets it wrong and hope this is true in your case.

I'm not freaking out, Freckles, just trying to gauge what is standard behaviour? I'll message him later on.

Wishing you every happiness @Ant330.

Well we've just had a short conversation (this is not unusual), so whatever his reasons for the unmatch he isn't ignoring me.

@morenicecereal thing is if he says he did it accidentally are you going to believe him? I unfriend any peopleon fab I'm losing interest in. Of course that's just me but it's like a little hint and there's rarely many on there anyhow

Xpost

So far not ghosted. We'll see what happens as time goes on. 🤷

Cereal I didn't say you are.
You can always ask him if it bothers you...

Read the HIV thread, very sobering

Very @sbd1 especially because she thinks she caught it during the window of her then partner testing as positive.

Reconfirmed for me whilst 3 months will be min before we stop using condoms.

You also can’t forget super gonorrhea, unlike HIV you can’t take medication to stop yourself contracting it and it can take months for treatment to be successful.

Lots of places do instant tests now as well, rather than waiting a couple of weeks.

It's the incubation period that I'm most concerned about.

If people want to answer would like to hear how long you waited before having tests

@lifegoes that is so me!!!!

@Sunshineandflipflops I get asked out fairly frequently, or flirted with on insta and messenger etc if I post a nice pic - I would never tell my partner this as I've dealt with it and feel they don't need to know. (Maybe I'm wrong here?).
I would never suggest they had competition. That doesnt sit right with me, I'd feel taunted a wee bit.

@MoreNiceCereal It's not worth trying to read his mind as frustrating as that may be - and I'd be the same! Just try to take it as it comes.

@Ginmel yes - know your worth is such a good motto in all respects.

@ILoveFreckles Just a thought - does your bio say things like "I'm just a regular guy looking for no-drama woman. No chat = unmatched" or similar? Or something a bit cynical sounding? Because the rest sounds fine...

@ILoveFrecklesnot being cheeky but some of the bios are... questionable.

@ginmel also no test for herpes is there? So you have to be vigilant with symptoms.

Hi all. Thanks for tagging me @JeSuisPrest and always happy for my story to be told - (also noticed you said I was in my 40s in the last thread - as I'm well into my 50s I don't mind a bit and a lot of my dates say I look younger anyway!

It's always as well to be aware of this stuff - and to be honest if in a new relationship and planning on ditching the condoms, I'd want any partner to get STI testing with me, just so I could be reassured they have actually done so, and for all tests offered as some don't bother with the HIV/syphilis blood test. Perhaps just me being paranoid but then I really don't want to catch anything else.

I'm actually trying to date at the moment - along with the rest of you - Match, OKC etc. I've been on quite a few dates, some leading to others, but as yet haven't met anyone that I've wanted to take things further with, let alone disclose to! It's been an interesting experience on who and what I am looking for. We do live in hope

@KhaleesiTargaryen exactly. I don't really care, I just wanted to show him to a friend. I have a busy life, I don't have the energy to consider why he did it. Doesn't matter. I was simply curious if it was a common thing to do.

@Ginmel The UK now almost exclusively uses the circle blood drop test, it’s accurate four weeks after exposure, rather than the older three month tests.