Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

@Marlboroandmalbec haha! I'm wondering if i'll ever see someone I know on there. So far only folk from Tinder .... the ones 'looking for relationships' suddenly you're looking at their 3rd legs from every angle in HD

@Marlboroandmalbec34 @ginmel OMG! I never ever want to see the genitals of a work colleague! Must avoid fab! or recommend it to my ex husband for a laugh

For any newbies that missed this from June this year here's HIVpos's post about her experience and very importantly timing of STI testing which she shared with us, hope you're doing OK @HIVpos

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a3604484-Dating-thread-161-Can-anybody-find-me-somebody-to-love#87791193

Also her original thread about how she contracted HIV:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2942589-Getting-back-in-the-saddle-and-HIV

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I don't think I'd be able to look at him without blushing to my feet!

@Ginmel Sorry MrSussex was a non starter.

@iamthrough Some people can do the multi dating, some can't. I tried it - enjoyed it initially when I was in my "kid in a sweet shop" phase, then it all got a bit stressful. I ended up with 2 irons and I really liked both of them. Got lots of great advice here, put all my eggs in one basket and let one of them go, though he became a good friend and is coming to move a radiator for me next week

I've always really struggled with multi dating @iamthrough like you. I will only give one person my full attention and the others will just get thrown to the side. I really need to learn how to multi date. But it does also feel disrespectful to the one I am chatting to. Yet I have no doubt that they will be multi dating

I've been having a browse through fab again. Thanks Ginmel for reminding me that I still have an account on there.
Most of my best dates have been from fab. So far I haven't seen anyone I know in RL. But it always surprises me how willing some blokes are to share photos of their dick.

My meeting with Mr FO (friends only) has been moved to tonight. I think I'm ready to say what needs to be said

Mr HK (Hong Kong) knows I'm multidating and doesn't care. He's only in the country until November and is back working overseas again, so we'll probably just meet up a few times and that will be that. He is enjoyable company so I'm quite happy with that.

I have a few irons on the go, but won't name them until we meet. I am considerably busier now that the school year has started, which I feel works in my favour. I won't get too attached, all I want is fwb for the foreseeable. If I start getting too close to anyone, I will call it off. I've done that before and it was the right choice.

Hiya all :)

This this thread is hilarious, been peeping since I went on OLD, January or so. Currently all apps deleted and I'm trying to work out what exactly my problem is...

I started looking, as after being alone for 5 years I finally admitted that I don't like it as much as I thought. I've soon discovered that this whole OLD is much harder than advertisers claim.
I've been honest in my profile (does anybody actually read them??), 40, divorced, 2 kids, don't want more, don't mind if potential partner has kids, looking for relationship, recent (neutral) pics, 6.2 tall, longish hair.
Not looking for a princess in her teens, just another soul to build something with...

It's been fun to begin with but after a while it turned out I attract a very strange women

I know I'm new here but if possible, in another incarnation of this thread, could point 14 be added?
14. Do not go on OLD if you are not ready to date.

Also, really nice to see the change from "you are the prize"

@echo I'm sure I'll never get used to seeing mens bits and usually from several angles before their faces

Welcome @ILoveFreckles

@ILoveFreckles OLD is just... weird. It's an odd premise, isn't it.

@MoreNiceCereal I wouldn't say it's weird but some ppl who are on it, well that is a completely different story... Worst part is, I kind of miss it a little bit.
Will probably make myself a t-shirt with "Swipe Right" printed on a back and hit the town...

Hahaa it might just work.

Crap, not enough space to print all T&C's :(
But honestly, wouldn't it be nice if ppl who are looking/ available had some kind of unique marker stating that fact?

Sad fact is that since all of this marvellous communication devices have been invented and shoved in front of our eyes, we lost ability to communicate...

Someone asked Mr Ad out yesterday. Being the honest person he is, he told me and I'm ashamed to say I felt a bit jealous. I'm not a jealous person. You would think I would be after my ex husband having an affair, and maybe that's how he did it right under my nose, because i like to think I can trust whoever I'm with.

Anyway, I obviously went a bit quiet over text and he read more into it and didn't know what was wrong (I didn't either at that point) and it was all a bit horrible for a while but he apologised for telling me about the other woman asking him out (he turned her down and told her he is with someone...me!), I told him I'm glad he's honest and it just stirred up some unwanted feelings in me but that I would never compete for anyone (he jokingly said I had "competition").

We sorted things out, which was largely due to miscommunication and not being able to talk face to face and I CANNOT wait to see him on friday after almost 2 weeks.

All sounds perfectly normal sunshine that's the sort of 'joke' I'd make without thinking through how it might be perceived, and your reaction is perfectly understandable. Glad you've talked it through.
So my update is a very quick one as I'm going to run away after posting it. Long story short, I cancelled MissTiny on Sunday, and MissH and I are giving it another try.
Who knows if it will work, but we spent a lot of time talking through how things need to change going forwards, and I'm happy. Heart definitely overruled head in the decision.
Don't intend to take up anymore thread space talking about her, as I know I've ignored all the advice given (not just from here), but will be keeping an eye on the thread to see how everybody is getting on 😉

Sad fact is that since all of this marvellous communication devices have been invented and shoved in front of our eyes, we lost ability to communicate

ILoveFreckles that is so true. And such a common complaint, yet things never seem to improve.
No idea what the answer is though.

Sunshineandflipflops good that you were able to sort things out. Mr Ad sounds lovely.

Can I be honest @Ant330 I see certain things posted on here and often think (in my own mind) noooooo what are you doing??!! But try to give my advice and be supportive.

But I don't know why, in your case I understand why you have. I've always read and kept up to date with how things have gone etc. And I always wished that you and Miss H could get past it all. There seems something there and I'm not sure if it's because things you've said remind me of me. But either way, I for one are supporting you here. I just feel it in my bones - something feels good and maybe just needs a bit of work. I'd rather live life with a bunch of oh wells than what ifs.

@Sunshineandflipflops Does he have self-esteem issues maybe?

I wondered that @supercali77 as it's exactly the sort of thing I might say if I was fishing for a bit of attention. I'm probably very guilty of doing it. And yes I have self esteem issues!

How did Miss Tiny take it @Ant330? There is clearly something about Miss H for you to want to go back. I hope she realised whilst you were gone not to mess you about.

@Ant330 good luck to you, I somehow empathized with Miss Hair because I could see some similarities in how I've behaved in the past. Hopefully she sees that she has to change a bit to make it all work but I'm glad you are giving it a go.

Yes @supercali77 he does. As I do.

@Ant330 Those in glass houses and all that...good luck to you both and I hope you (she) can communicate better this time.
Does she know about MissTiny and did you end up staying the night with her in the end?

I always find it disrespectful when you tell someone you are dating, about your past and then they throw things up like that. Things they would know, would impact you. But then I guess it's good he's being honest with you @Sunshineandflipflops I really hope his low self esteem wasn't what drove him to drink.

Hmmm.

After a pleasant morning spent with Mr HK, I noticed this afternoon that he has unmatched me from Tinder.

I really don't want to make a big deal of this. Is it a big deal? He shared a quick joke on WhatsApp about an hour after he left this morning but no comms since. (not concerning in and of itself)

He seemed fine when we parted ways, but now I'm remembering he said something about not liking to plan ahead when I mentioned my schedule next week so I'm thinking he's ghosting me.

Any tips on how to handle this? I'm genuinely not bothered if he doesn't want to me again but it seems cowardly to go about it this way.

Sort of related to self-esteem. Was just thinking how know your worth doesnt just apply to dating but all aspects of our lives even family, work and every day people in the street...

we shared a joke

If he doesn't want to see me again