Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Couldn't help but notice that this new thread kicked of way down there, in wedding vegetables region. I'm the last to have any opinion as I haven't had sex for so long I'd quite easily pass as a virgin but, mmm, this whole STD situation isn't really helping. Condoms are ok and can be a lot of fun (as far as I can remember) but the whole idea that I could potentially catch something scares me shitless....
@KhaleesiTargaryen Sorry to disappoint but my bio was completely different. A little bit about myself, enough to be informative yet short enough to take into account concentration span of a potential reader. If I find it, I'm more than happy to drop it here.
Fun fact- as soon as I was outside London I was getting a lot of likes and chats, yet in London hardly anything. How does this work? Is there a shortage outside London???

That's helpful. Thanks Simon

Fab has blocked my account. Wonder if men complained I wasn't a swinger

It was definitely deliberate as I tried another account and it was fine initially until they caught up. I've deleted my accounts. The break will be good for me

@ILoveFreckles I'm glad it's not )and perplexed for you that it's not getting the swipes... ) .

So MrEP was a maybe for tomorrow and I’ve heard zilch, a good morning (from him not me) and that’s it really. Though I couldn’t reply until midday as I’ve been so busy.

Assuming he will text tomorrow am with either w cancellation (I knew it was possible due to work) or a “still coming”. But to be honest I really don’t have the time available now.

If he doesn’t cancel, and I do, do you think this will be dead before I get back from my trip in 2 weeks?

In person I like him, but communication between is just poor, and we are both so busy I can’t see it building. Bit gutted because life match wise we are perfect. But the rest I’m just not feeling it.

notcool she was frustrated but ok. We'd both admitted that in all likelihood it was going to be a short term fling, just neither of us thought this short. We had a good chat on the phone Sunday morning and wished each other all the best.
sunshine I can't sugarcoat this answer at all... yes I spent the night on Thurs, MissH then rang me on Sat completely out of the blue and asked to meet. Bad timing which I cannot help, but in all honesty it's clear now I wasn't over her so shouldn't really have been getting involved with somebody else.
MissH does not know and I have no intention of broaching the subject. Might be wrong but it suits me to say that what I did while we weren't together is my business. If she asks then I will tell her the truth, but she hasn't as yet.
Some may disagree with this approach but I don't intend to willingly chuck a spanner in the works. If it comes up and screws things up then that's my own fault.
I don't come out of this looking great I know, which is why I'll just be keeping an eye on the thread from afar. Like many I'm overinvested in seeing how people get on, but I think offering any advice would be pretty hypocritical now.
Not sure why I felt the need to explain myself to a bunch of internet strangers, but it didn't seem right to just bugger off with no explanation when many on here have been incredibly supportive right from the start of my OLD journey earlier this year.
Good luck all!

@HIVpos hope you know you are more than welcome to join in the daily trials and tribulations here now that you are dating again. You can keep your nickname of course. From my point of view though, its only a part of you, it doesn't define you and you are so much more. All the best anyhow

@Ant330 am sure you are not the first person who has ignored a whole lot of advice (though you may be up there with the volume!) and certainly won't be the last. Equally you won't be the first or the last to say one thing and then can and do the exact opposite yourself. Think that's called life and being human.

So there is no need for piety or anything else. Post if you want to or don't if you equally don't want to. Good luck

Just wanted to echo ginmel sentiments HIVpos
And ant no judgement here. 🤞 for you. Bf managed to pop round again tonight once dc in bed which was lovely just for a cuppa and we just spent the time talking about various things.will have to tell the dc soon I think.😬

ant no judgement from me, lots of luck with MissH. I hope MissTiny took it well, and you've given her some confidence to get back out there.
sunshine I can see why you'd take that badly. I'm having the opposite confusion in that Mr Young is keen and has instigated the exclusivity chat and I've said I wouldn't go on any more dates. I wonder if this is the kid in a sweet shop mentality?
I saw Mr Young again yesterday and it went well. Not sure when we'll see each other again now as life is getting busy.

I don't think you look bad @Ant330 Miss H dumped you and you looked for comfort/distraction on the apps. I'm doing exactly the same. It sounds like you were honest with Miss T. I wouldn't tell Miss H at this point either. She ended things with you. What you did in that time isn't her business as she chose for it not to be. Likewise you will need to be the same about her activity in the time you were apart.

@Ginmel
I've just joined fab and it's an interesting experience.
I'm perplexed how people know you're not a swinger and why your account is blocked?

I'm chatting to a few guys but have over 250 unread messages and I cant reply to everyone so potentially they could report me as not willing to meet and not on there for the proper reasons?

God, it's a minefield!!!

@sortingitout have you got your filters turned on? That will help

People can report what they think are fake profiles. And of course I'd written text too. Account still isn't working this morning.

@ant330 stay with us we all give advice that we wouldn't necessarily follow ourselves

It is so rare to find someone we have a connection with that we have to do what we can to keep it. As I said please stay with us, I hope it works out, but if it doesn't we're here for you.

Plucked up courage to join you guys after reading lots of your freds 🤗

Started OLD in August. Divorced 12 years ago and then had 6 year relationship which he ended in April. I just looked for a while as it was a bit whole new world/mending broken heart.

Am on Bumble and Hinge...glad I did this before (pre apps though), I see the same thick skin is required!

So far:

Reported 2 catfish last week. First one was a 48 y/o airline pilot, pics of a (more like) 30 year old in BA uniform. First message 'Great pics, which airline do you fly for?'....'I fly jet. Sometime Delta'. I don't think so.

Next up on hols with a girlfriend, an iron starts messaging us both with the exact same copy and pasted messages (not obviously realising we are on hols together), we therefore did the same back a couple messages and he didn't realise...didn't end well.

Two days ago I got matched with MrActor...he's changed his age to be 54 so he comes up on younger matches by goes on to say he is 62. Standard. I mentioned to one of my dear friends in village last night (her DH is actor, and her exh is well known), she nearly spat out her wine, 'Oh MrActor, he is such a ligger, only turned up at our parties looking for drugs. Avoid.' 😂

Good news is that tmw I have third date with MrGorgeousandlocal. Am trying not to overinvest, but am TOTALLY excited. I'm not in London and v few irons local to me...and he is a couple years younger, went to my sixth form college, have a few mutual friends etc. We are going out to dinner, he has booked table at lovely place I have wanted to go for ages, he asked earlier in chats if I'd been and I'd said no but would love to. So far it's been a drink and a coffee and peck on lips only. I've found difficult to get used to less communication than ex DP who text me constantly, but am trying to relax as he's poss got other irons, plus moving house this week.

Last OLD story...one of my mutual friends with Mr Gorgeousandlocal who I have on my FB, and has had a very tricky life, I have only known on periphery but since a child. MrG&L has stood by him and supported him many times when his life has gone off rails. He popped up on Bumble (left swiped quickly!) and I mentioned to MrG&L who was sad to hear as he has a partner. It may be an old profile only had one pic, but awks nonetheless. Good news is MrG&L seems to value honesty and isn't impressed as he's dug him out of numerous holes.

Anyway wish me luck tmw...especially as I currently am trying to shake a dodgy tummy...he did offer to rearrange but I just can't wait to see him!

Finally am pleased to see Bumble have released photo verification thingy (especially as I've already reported two suspected catfish) has anyone used it yet? I missed that by a week, would have been handy!

Ant don’t go away, we can still share advice as you go through the journey with her.

Listen we’ve all been there, if MrCNeeHF asked me round I’d be there like a shot, against all logical reason.

Some things just feel like they have a chance and you have no judgement on here. Advice is just that, advice, no expectation to take it or go away!

@Ginmel
My message filters are on so basically only males between 26 - 50 can message me.

I assume large numbers of messages are because I'm so new!!

Also @Ant330 I actually find your story quite uplifting. I was worried that men appeared to bounce back from a break up quite quickly. It's been comforting to see that men can get just as attached as women and value a strong connection and find it hard to get over/walk away from. I know we are all the same species. But I often seem to be the one on the hurt side.

@sortingitout for sure. If it gets too much you can hide your profile and then only mne you want to message will be able to contact you

You may have seen there's a search filter for new people so men can search just for that. If I ever have a new profile on fab I will hide it for the first week so I don't appear in that search. Definitely makes it worse

Thanks for the new thread!

Ant don't leave - no judgement at all from me, many of us have ignored advice (or even our own gut instinct!) and we're all still on the thread!

I'm feeling a bit of an interloper, as things with Mr BC and I are going well. With regards to testing and condoms - we're still using condoms after nearly 6 months. I'm going to get tested soon (peace of mind) but we need condoms for contraception (if the menopause could finally arrive that'd be awesome ...) so we won't be stopping using them.

Echoing everyone else's thoughts @Ant330. No reason at all for you not to still continue contributing to the thread. I really hope things work out for you and MsH now, and if they don't you know you gave it everything you had 🤷‍♀️. Word of advice if the MsTiny situation ever raises it's head.

WE WERE ON A BREAK! 🤦‍♀️😂

@Ginmel
Thanks for the advice, I did hide it on Monday night but didnt realise I would be hidden from everyone including those I was chatting to so I changed it back!!

It's definitely exactly what I need though...its clear from the start why people have joined so no pussy footing around

@sortingitout people who you are messaging can still d so if your profile is hidden. They can also still see your photo album.

@Ginmel
One of the guys I was messaging checked my profile after I hid it and said he got a message to say it was a hidden profile...

I guess I'll just get used to not answering every message....

Yes they can't see your profile but really that's just an intro anyhow.