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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to spoil husbands illicit weekend - ideas please!

270 replies

WGC3 · 11/09/2019 22:55

We are still together but on verge of separating. I know where and when he is going, cant stop it happening but would like to make sure it is less than perfect - any advice??

OP posts:
EmbarrassingMama · 12/09/2019 10:26

A bottle of champagne ordered to their room. 'To my darling husband, and your mistress. Enjoy your weekend. Your wife x'.

Sorry to hear about your DH OP. Sounds like a dick.

Tractorgirlz · 12/09/2019 10:27

Change the locks whilst he’s gone. Put hair removal cream in his shampoo. Rose hips were a good idea for the itch. Clean the toilet with his toothbrush. Open the condom packets slightly then soak in chilli oil.

YouJustDoYou · 12/09/2019 10:35

Change the locks whilst he’s gone

DON"T fucking do this, for Christ's sake. It's illegal.

Madmog · 12/09/2019 10:44

If you're sure you'll separate, I just wonder if you can get any evidence out of this to throw some weight behind the reason for any potential divorce in the future.

I'd either leave him over the weekend, or change the locks if you plan on staying it the house.

Abraid2 · 12/09/2019 10:53

You can't 'fight' to save a relationship. It's unethical to try

Why is it unethical to try and save your marriage, if there's a child involved, especially? I'm genuinely interested, not picking holes!

DameFanny · 12/09/2019 10:54

What about a simple "please don't break my heart. If you sleep with her I don't think we can come back from that, and we have a child to think about"

Worst comes to worst, at least he'll have open guilt to contend with - and he can't gaslight you if you've named all the behaviour

Tweetingmagpie · 12/09/2019 10:59

Sorry I’m with the guys who said you need to keep your dignity, it’s all you’ll have left by the end of all of this so hang on to it.

I can’t imagine wanting to be with someone who treats you like that! Marriage and kids or not! You must have very low self esteem.

NewFoneWhoDis · 12/09/2019 11:00

By all means fantasise about it - that's normal and natural. But for gods sake don't act out any revenge scenarios that may make you look petty, unhinged, or are illegal or abusive.

If you must do something then the bouquet of flowers with a message "enjoy your weekend Wink" is probably enough to unsettle them if they are planning to have sex for the first time and is cryptic enough that if it genuinely is a work trip and has nothing untoward happening you won't come off like a loon making baseless accusations. You can just innocently state you just wanted to wish him a lovely weekend away.

hsegfiugseskufh · 12/09/2019 11:03

Change the locks whilst he’s gone

DON"T fucking do this, for Christ's sake. It's illegal

I don't think its illegal, but it would be equally legal for him to break into his own house and change them back afaik. So pointless really!

Op I would just ignore it and get on with separating... you ruining his dirty weekend isn't going to get you back together, why waste energy on being spiteful? the best revenge is getting on with your own life and being happy.

GummiberryJuice · 12/09/2019 11:12

Op if you are still reading I think lots of posters have read the thread title and not our actual posts, and rushed in with replies.
I agree with other posters, if you don't want to separate, tell him before he goes, so at least he has something to think about when he is away.
Do you know for definite they are having an emotional affair?

VaggieMight · 12/09/2019 11:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 12/09/2019 11:18

Dear OP. I'm sorry you're in this terribly hurtful situation. But there is a way in which you can sabotage his weekend, bring about some peace of mind for yourself (even if this involves facing further emotional pain in the medium-term) and retain your dignity, all in one fell swoop.

Tell him you know where he's going, and that if he does, the marriage is over and his bags will be waiting for him on his return. And mean it categorically. Follow through on it, and have his belongings packed and waiting when he comes back.

There are all manner of possible outcomes from this. One is that it will certainly ruin his tryst if he has to spend most of it on the phone looking for alternative accommodation. Two is that the thrill of an illicit fling and the prospect of actually living with someone are two entirely different things. A short sharp shock might bring that home to him and make him fully aware of what he's doing. Both he and OW have to want to come to the decision to leave their spouses and be together, and very often the reality isn't that simple.

If he really has emotionally checked out of your marriage and is set on leaving, it will happen anyway and there's nothing you can do to stop it. You may as well know the truth and start to deal with it now. It will hurt, but death by a thousand cuts (playing the painful game of trying to catch him out or sabotaging his time with OW), will end up hurting more. But following through with this will likely force his hand one way or the other, and knowing he has to find a new place to live when he comes home should take the gloss off his weekend a bit!

Finally, remember that the best revenge is to live well. If you hold onto your dignity you'll feel so much better in the long-run. For your own future happiness, you need to accept that if one person in a marriage decides it's over then it's over, and it's probably best to let them go.

Flowers for you.

dontgobaconmyheart · 12/09/2019 11:42

A lot of bizarre, dangerous and illegal suggestions here Confused. Tak8ng pleasure in somebody else's physical pain/discomfort by bloody drugging them or burning them with chilli or hair removal cream antics (it's a dangerous) or via mental anguish (making them think they have an STD?!) - you lot aren't normal if you find the thought of that funny just because someone upset you.

I've been there OP and remember feeling I'd do anything to stop it. Ultimately he knows what he's doing and wants to do it if he does though. Knowing he's excited to see someone else and imagining them in a bubble (that used to be your bubble) is a killer. I would just talk to him and plainly say that you are aware he's having an EA and won't sit at home while he pursues it, as he is causing you hurt. Don't let him go off guilt free. And don't ask him to admit it because he'll deny it. Just state in the affirmative that your opinion is what it is, and things will end if it continues. People who care about each other don't do things like that.

Forthesakeofit · 12/09/2019 11:44

Shove a potatoe up his exhaust pipe.

Forthesakeofit · 12/09/2019 11:58

Seriously though, you need to look to yourself as to why he’s having this weekend away.

Where did it go wrong ? Then talk to him and fix it.

I’ve done what he’s doing many times. It will not end well unless you make a move to mend things. I wish I could turn back time.

HappyHammy · 12/09/2019 12:04

I agree with Mariel. The best revenge is no revenge. If he is going on Friday can you stay somewhere Thursday night. Dont be there when he leaves or when he is due back. Tell him how you feel and if a separation is inevitable then go through paperwork ai hone and make an appointment to see a solicitor. He should move out if hes causing you pain. If you have children then I hope he has photos of them in his suitcase. Does he really have to go away. Could he not say no.

Armadiloes · 12/09/2019 12:13

You need to accept that its over, you can't change the way someone feels and you wouldn't want him to stay when he doesn't want to.

Don't do anything (although tempting) but start to gather evidence of the affair etc... then go see a good solicitor and get what you can out of him then move on with your own life - take your time to grieve but you'll come out better at the end.

carly2803 · 12/09/2019 12:18

OP - they havent done it yet but going to?

and you want to fight for this?

i feel for you i really do, but this is time to let him know youknow and move on.

tell him, he goes, he best pack his stuff and take it with him

Flyg · 12/09/2019 12:34

Why should the OP stay at home being all well behaved while she knows he is away and possibly shagging?

Cancel his cards, tell him you know where he is going and who with before he leaves, then book yourself a couple of nights in a nice hotel with a pool and spa

HappyHammy · 12/09/2019 12:38

A weekend away being pampered sounds lovely, starting before he goes but sometimes it's hard to relax and enjoy yourself when you're hurting

HotChocolateLover · 12/09/2019 12:41

I can’t really think of anything you can do where he wouldn’t realise it was you. However you could clean the loo with his toothbrush (I used to do this to my ex) or anytime he’s at home, spit in his tea, wipe his dinner on the floor when he’s not looking (would work best with something like a steak)

choli · 12/09/2019 13:38

Teaches him for cheating, I cheated back (got pregnant lol),
LOL indeed. Nothing funnier than a child born out of revenge. Well done Hmm

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/09/2019 14:18

That's what I was thinking too, choli. I had as little sympathy for that poster as I did for her cheating husband. Vile the pair of them.

Forthesakeofit... Why would you even bother to post that to the OP? You're so unenlightened you're a mushroom.... and you know what they live on.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/09/2019 14:19

I also think eenymeenyminyme's 'revenue' was excellent; tasteful and effective whiplash, no physical assault or pathetic 'pranks' in sight. Star

LaurieFairyCake · 12/09/2019 14:22

Turn up and hide behind a plant pot in lobby. Make sure he catches a glimpse of you but isn't sure as you're dressed differently/enormous hat.

Do same through the window of the hotel room.

Scratch hotel room door so he thinks it's mice.

When they open the door be there dressed as a waiter with a bottle of wine and a huge wobbly custard tart which you heave calmly into his CUNT CHEATING FACE.

If you need help with this PM and I will come and hold spare tarts Wink

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