Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How to spoil husbands illicit weekend - ideas please!

270 replies

WGC3 · 11/09/2019 22:55

We are still together but on verge of separating. I know where and when he is going, cant stop it happening but would like to make sure it is less than perfect - any advice??

OP posts:
AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 12/09/2019 07:00

Op, have you confronted him about the emotional affair? Does he know you know?

CorBlimeyGovenor · 12/09/2019 07:00

@UncleMatthewsEntrenchingTool

Am laughing so much at your ideas.

dontdoubtyourself · 12/09/2019 07:03

Everything jabbercocky said!

CorBlimeyGovenor · 12/09/2019 07:04

Repack his suitcase at the last minute with really camp see through mesh underwear.

Whenitsoveritsover · 12/09/2019 07:11

The best form of revenge is to live well.

Yes definitely. OP, I have been there and was devastated. I knew for certain he was having an affair although he denied it. It was his birthday and he went away with the other woman. When he came back I told him I was filing for divorce and he got the shock of his life. I followed through and he moved out. I was heartbroken. He moved to a different part of the country to be with her.

I met someone else, we are now married and he is everything my ex wasn't, one of the best things to ever happen to me. Fast forward a few years and I get an email out of the blue from ex saying he had split up with the woman he left me for and that leaving me was the worst thing he ever did. He said he never thought I'd push for divorce and that is why he made me wait so long to agree to it, he thought I'd take him back and was shocked I had remarried. I just replied saying thank you for the best gift you ever gave me - leaving me for another woman. .

Morgan12 · 12/09/2019 07:12

When you look back on this time in years to come you will be so glad you kept your dignity.

I'd be letting him know you know what he is up to and that you will be sorting a solicitor whilst he is away.

Good luck Flowers

Letthemysterybe · 12/09/2019 07:26

Sorry for your hurt OP. Perfectly normal to want to indulge in a little fantasy revenge. But the only realistic thing to do is to tell him before he leaves, that you love him and want to work it out but if he shags her while you are at home hurting, then that is the end for you.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 12/09/2019 07:28

The best revenge would be to start divorce proceedings to present to him when he gets back.

People saying change the locks, she can't do that if the house is in his name also!

OP, this idea of "keeping a family together" at any cost doesn't work to be honest. The days when women had to put up with this shit are long gone. A separated family is NOT the worst thing that could happen, staying in a marriage where you continue to be hurt and lose your self esteem is worse. I'm divorced, I'm happier for it, my ex is happier for it, and most importantly our DS is happy too.

You can't force someone to stay together when they have already checked out of the marriage.

PhilSwagielka · 12/09/2019 07:42

Go out on the lash, have an amazing time and show him you don't need him. Live well is the best revenge.

Amazonita · 12/09/2019 07:52

What exactly is the legal comeback if OP does change the locks? It's not a police matter IME. He'd have to get a court order to get back in which would take time, money, and inconvenience. I'd make him do that rather than lay down and let him walk all over me by refusing to move out!

WitsEnding · 12/09/2019 07:55

The best revenge is living well, and many of the pranks suggested could be cited as unreasonable behaviour in divorce ... they certainly wouldn't help save your marriage or your self-esteem.

GrouchoMrx · 12/09/2019 07:55

Don't be a fool.

Have some self respect and concentrate on getting out of this marriage with the best settlement possible.

Northernparent68 · 12/09/2019 07:56

Did you behave this vindictively during the relationship ?

Frith2013 · 12/09/2019 08:02

Get some counselling.

LazyDaisey · 12/09/2019 08:04

I’m laughing at the idea of being charged with assault and arrested over rubbing peppers in someone’s underpants.

So, how would that work? The A&E doctors notify the police their patient has a foreign substance in his underpants, he doesn’t know how it got there but it he says it must be his wife, because she thinks he’s cheating on her?

And then what? Madam, did you rub chilli in his pants? No I didn’t. I’m sorry madam we will need to take you down to the station and charge you with assault. Your fingerprints are all over this one.

PaterPower · 12/09/2019 08:17

I know our Police are pretty crap at solving crimes these days but it doesn’t take Sherlock bloody Holmes to assume the complainant hadn’t done it to himself, and that the list of people with access to his underwear drawer isn’t a long one.

And for the poster who said “what’s he going to do” if OP changes the locks. I don’t know, gosh WHAT a dilemma Hmm

How about he hires a locksmith to drill and replace the locks? Or just break in as he’s perfectly entitled to. All OP would end up doing is spending money unnecessarily.

LazyDaisey · 12/09/2019 08:24

Well thankfully our police still need to prove someone is guilty. Of course the complainant could have self-inflicted and tried to frame his about to be estranged wife.

OMGshefoundmeout · 12/09/2019 08:24

You love him presumably if you don’t want to separate? If so, tell him so. Tell him you know where he is planning on going and ask him not to go.

Or do you not love him any more but don’t want to separate for financial/security/status reasons (all valid reasons If that’s how you feel)? In that case you could play some of the vengeful games suggested here but I don’t think it will help heal a broken heart.

Life is not a Hollywood sitcom. Playing some funny jokes on his dirty weekend away won’t suddenly make him realise that the grass is greener at home and his loyal wife is the one he loved all along. It might make him realise that he’s better off without you.

SluggishSnail · 12/09/2019 08:25

It's a WORK TRIP. They will have separate rooms. So the suggestion of phoning the hotel and asking for two singles doesn't make any sense.

SuperSara · 12/09/2019 08:28

@Amazonita

What come back does he have if the locks were changed? Do you mean with the police?

It would be the same as if he'd accidentally locked himself out. He would just break a window to get in or get a locksmith.

Not sure what you're thinking?

MouseInATelescope · 12/09/2019 08:33

Tell him before he goes not to come back. Don't play games. Make sure you're the bigger, more sensible person. If there are kids involved believe me it'll go in your favour.

amillionwishes · 12/09/2019 08:51

Op the best thing you can do is see a solicitor and start getting your ducks in a row.

You can fight as hard as you possibly can for the relationship but the truth is that he is not fighting for it at all right now, in fact he's checked out completely.

You never know, you taking legal advice and steps to properly leave may prompt him into realising that he does want to fight for the marriage but please don't lower yourself to doing the pick me dance, or worse, turn a blind eye to his affair.

I know you must be hurting but ruining their weekend won't make him want to stay with you, all it will do is make him believe he's making the right decision. Good luck Thanks

shinynewapple · 12/09/2019 08:53

@30to50FeralHogs post of 02:24 is really good- best on the thread for empathy and advice

JacquesHammer · 12/09/2019 08:56

just a wee bit of salve for a broken heart after many, many years of marriage

Any act of revenge won’t salve a broken heart.

Live well, love yourself, be happy without him.

Windmillwhirl · 12/09/2019 08:59

Changing the locks is pointless. He can just get a locksmith, or break in as he is entitled to do.

That suggestion is thrown around on here a lot. As he is on the mortgage as well he is entitled to remain in the home.

Be smart op.