How to spoil husbands illicit weekend - ideas please!

[WGC3]

We are still together but on verge of separating. I know where and when he is going, cant stop it happening but would like to make sure it is less than perfect - any advice??

You can't "fight" to save a marriage unless your spouse wants to fight right along with you. It's sad, but that's the way it is.

I'm sorry, that sounded much harsher than I meant it. I grew up in this household, it's hard to see someone else putting up with it for the sake of the DC.

@user1493423934

Great ideas!

Not like the police have got anything better to do, is it?

FFS.

Why would you want to fight for a man who is planning to shag his wife's friend while still living under the same roof as her and their child? He's not who you thought he was. Marriage is supposed to be for life, not until a better option comes along.

If 'illicit' means he thinks you don't know, I would time it to ring him when you expect him to arrive where he's staying with her, let me know you know and that he's not to come back as he won't be able to get in, and he needs to get on with the divorce.

How about grow up!

I fully understand comments re dignity etc but sometimes you have to see the bigger picture if you can find a way to move forward

Seeing the bigger picture is not about doing some prank.

@LolaSmiles, go back and read some responses. Zero empathy 100% judgment.

Omg don't do what @user1493423934 suggested. You'll end up in more trouble and not good for the child involved.

I think you need to lay everything on the table and tell him how you feel. Get emotional and beg for this not to happen. It's your marriage, fight for it.
Your friend sounds like a fucking bitch. Does she know you know? Is she the co-worker?

And everyone being nasty on this thread are pathetic. It's her fucking marriage - you don't just pack up and say oh well!!!!!

Laxatives in his food would be considered assault/deliberately harming a person, as would putting things in his clothing to irritate his genitals etc, you could actually be prosecuted for it if he reported you so those reccomendations are just plain stupid.

As you wave him off, say,

“I’m really broken hearted that you are leaving me and [child name] to go off to shag [name of ow]. Please don’t do it.”

Can I just ask you.. are you completely SURE that this is an illicit weekend? If it's a work weekend, and they're colleagues, surely they both have to go?

I only ask this, because I have been accused of being "the other woman" before now. I had a very close friendship with a guy, and his wife didn't like it one bit. I also had to go on business trips with him (and many others) and she too had it in her head that we were shagging at any available opportunity.

It has NEVER been like that, and NEVER will be. ALL of my close friends are male for some reason. The ironic thing is that this guy was the only person I could talk to about previous abuse, and what I went through meant that I wouldn't have been able to talk myself into having sex even if I'd wanted to (which I certainly did not) because I just couldn't even think about that for years. I also talked him out of suicide once, when he had depression, and talked him out of leaving his wife because his mind was all over the place and I said you shouldn't make decisions like that in this frame of mind. So she spent a good few years accusing us of having an affair and me of trying to break their marriage up, when in actual fact he would have ended the relationship and maybe even his own life without our friendship.

Myself and this guy are still close years later. Still haven't shagged. Men and women really can be close friends and confide in each other without it being an affair.

Are you really REALLY sure that this is an affair, and that you are definitely on the verge of separation?

Sorry for my life story, it's just that there are situations that people overthink, that are completely innocent on both sides.

@user1493423934 My goodness, you are so vindictive and sound insane. Did you even think about what you suggested there? Just despicable.

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OP, your husband is wrong for starting an affair, without doubt. Your hurt is also understandable, but it's clear now that the relationship has ended and you two are to go your separate ways. Therefore, although legally you are not separated, you two are no longer together so he is able to go ahead and continue to live his life.

I understand you are hurt but the fact you are wanting to do something to cause issues is not reasonable and it is wrong for you to ask for ideas. If I am honest, if you were a man and you were asking all of this, you would have most definitely been called abusive and would have had a stream of responses calling you out.

You do not want to separate, but ask yourself why you should be with a man that would hurt you by starting an emotional affair, and one that does no longer wish to be with you? Value yourself and your life higher than what he brings to the table. You deserve better and you should want better for yourself.

Be patient with yourself and kind to yourself also, do not allow his actions to make you a person you do not wish to be. Heartbreaks are painful, but the end of this chapter means you can start a new and better one.

Let him do what he wants, and you begin to do the same for yourself. Start focusing on what you need to do to move forward and surround yourself with a good support system - I do hope you have one?

I agree with WhereYouLeftIt, look him in the eye and ask that question.

Keep your pride even though your heart is breaking. Just now you are the wronged one, but if you did any of the stupid things some pp’s have suggested it would help to justify his actions with family and mutual friends (had to get out as WGC3 was batshit)! I think that if there is even a 1% chance of you staying together, doing some of these things suggested would quite simply destroy that chance.

I completely get that you would love to spoil his weekend (I would too), but believe me, it wouldn’t make you feel any better! It’s easy for me to say do this and to be completely honest I think it’s highly unlikely I would be able to keep calm either! However, in this situation, please do as I say, NOT what I would do!
For you 💐

Why do you have to be the baby-sitter for this event? Make him take the child for the weekend.

Posters, including me, have responded to the seemingly light original post asking for ways to spoil his weekend.

If OP had posted her actual situation, I expect responses may have been very different. Mine certainly would have been, as I have stated.

Ironic. Women on here constantly tell posters to leave their husbands for near to just burning the toast (and they'd leave for the same reason obviously) but this op gets slaughtered by the same crowd.

OP - I'd pay for a private detective to get as much incriminating evidence as possible. Then give a couple of pics to him later with a card saying see you in court.

If she's also married the obvious answer is tell her husband! Not as revenge necessarily but because the poor bloke deserves to know!

My ex also cheated (a supposed mutual friend) I had many revenge fantasies which I never carried out...

...I'm so glad I didn't because they're now utterly miserable together and have nobody to blame but themselves!

LACK of action can actually be very powerful. My ex actually propositioned me the day before THEIR wedding! I had the texts and a voicemail to prove it if I'd chosen to...

... I did exactly nothing beyond letting ex know i had "got his messages"

I later heard on very good authority that he basically spent their wedding day SHITTING himself every time her phone went in case it was me dropping him in it! And I didn't need to do a damn thing!

SunshineAngel sorry but that very much sounds like you are in an emotional affair to me - just as unacceptable!

If you know who her husband is once you have evidence I'd also make him aware ASAP

I've just seen that this person was a friend of yours, that level of deceit is awful, I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you.

You cannot fight for a marriage when one person wants out, and why should you fight to be chosen? You are better than that and should be with someone who wants to be with you. Do not fight for his attention, give him the reaction he least expects and become aloof.

It's good you are sorting finances, it's also sad that there is a child involved, but you can walk away knowing you did not cheat or destroy your relationship.

Sometimes, no matter how much we want things to work out with one person, it just does not. Of course it's painful and you are more than entitled to grieve the relationship, but throughout all the heartache and sadness, please do not forget your self worth.

The best you can do now is to ensure the child you have is least effected by the end of the relationship, and hopefully you both can co-parent successfully.

There will be a new and better life that is waiting for you to cease it.

I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship that I had to beg, fight, plead or try to maintain by underhand methods. It's supposed to be a 2 way, consensual thing.

WGC3, I was thinking, if you have children, when your husband comes home but planning to go off for the weekend, you could tell him you're going out - and go out until late! I wouldn't want your children to be upset but you could just tell them you'll be out visiting x and will see them tomorrow.

That would at least reduce his weekend away and you could possibly do the same next day - going out shopping, tata.

Just a thought.

Be an adult- keep revenge as fantasy only

A dirty little secret amongst psychologists is the therapeutic benefits of revenge. Therapist often preach the benefits of forgiveness but they all know the truth. When one ruminates on a perceived sleight or injustice, by far the most effective ‘therapy’ is seeing the perpetrator undergo a misfortune or a degradation in status in some way. This aligns with our innate need to see the universe reward virtue and punish betrayal. Karma is rooted in this human belief, as is Schadenfreude.

With that in mind, your mindset is not unusual nor unreasonable nor unhelpful. The real question is - how do you exact revenge? Your current approach, of ruining an illicit weekend is rather petty, if I may say. Far better to become indifferent. Become distant. Become checked out. Embark on a focussed programme of bold reinvention. Only you will know what that means to you. Just commit to it 100%. Grow in such a way that your STBX becomes an insignificant footnote in your life. I know that feels hard; I don’t minimise your pain. But you have been handed a tough choice you can’t dodge: spend your time looking backwards and feeling miserable or spend it looking forward whilst the pain of the past fades behind you.

In the meantime, take comfort from this: everyone eventually sits down to a banquet of consequences.

Girl, these people on their high horses when we all know in the same shoes we'd be going for gold trying to think of a way to screw things up for the other half.

I'll let you into a little secret. When my ex was being a controlling and abusive on top of cheating, I took the apparent high ground. People praised me for handling it like I did, said I was a model example of how break ups should be, ex was driven mad to the point of restraining order being needed.

Reality is I was pushing his buttons in a passive aggressive way, seemingly unintentionally, I was pregnant so more of a "victim" (not his kid, see, I was the worse person lol) and making sure to get all evidence of his crazy behaviour and abuse to then use against him and make him a fool to everyone including his family. Teaches him for cheating, I cheated back (got pregnant lol), and teaches him for being abusive and controlling, his ass was dragged from his mother's house in handcuffs whilst she watched in horror and she found out the nasty truth about her son and so did everyone else. Result. Now if a woman checks clares law or whatever it is, it'll also warn the women he dates.
(he did make me out to be the bad guy, abuse for a couple of years, his cheating. Everyone hated me because he was the "victim" but my revenge was showing what his true colours were, destroying his facade, thus his narc personality couldn't cope and he went between being in love stalking me to threatening me for a few years).

But what people have said about laxatives is amusing, same as chilli in his pants. Both you can be sly about lol. Im sure it's just nice to make these evil plans in your head to keep you sane, i doubt OP will act on it.

I mean make him too unwell to travel lol, then look after him!

I have the benefit of being late to the thread but OMG, some of the responses egging you on, OP. It's not their esteem at risk, not their reputations being laughed at by other people and not their recovery to work through. They're pathetic, it's all so easy on a screen to say 'Oooh do this OP, do that'. Not they're backlash.

You don't need that in your head OP. I understand that you're hurt. If your husband has decided to go then, let him. Begging, pleading, arguing, clinging on will only damage you.

Have a cry when he's gone and just start the painful process of disentangling yourself from him, you will - in the longer term - be much better off without him. It just doesn't feel like that now.

Do nothing. Don't lower yourself and don't put your heart in his hands to crush any longer. If you do any of these ridiculous and frankly spiteful things, it will only hurt you and make him more steadfast that leaving you was the best thing ever.

Look out for you and what you need, never mind him, he's gone already. It won't always hurt like this.