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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How to spoil husbands illicit weekend - ideas please!

270 replies

WGC3 · 11/09/2019 22:55

We are still together but on verge of separating. I know where and when he is going, cant stop it happening but would like to make sure it is less than perfect - any advice??

OP posts:
UncleMatthewsEntrenchingTool · 11/09/2019 23:38

Grate some 85% dark chocolate inside his shoes, socks, wash bag, suitcase. It melts at not much more than room temperature and everything will be covered in brown stains.

PointlessUsername · 11/09/2019 23:39

To be fair it wasn't actually the OP who mentioned any nasty pranks ect..

Original poster
WGC3 · 11/09/2019 23:39

why do you ask?

OP posts:
Owlpoorlypaw · 11/09/2019 23:39

Sorry my love, he is gone. If you were to follow ideas such as laxatives, sabotage etc and your relationship continued how do you think you will feel six months on? It sounds horrid and I really feel for you but agree with the posters above to spend the time getting your ducks in a row. You deserve more than someone who cheats, albeit emotionally for now, and it will come. Ignore those saying the completely natural urge to hurt the perpetrator is wrong - it isn’t, its human nature.

OneToughMudderFudder · 11/09/2019 23:40

Oh and empty any bank accounts and cancel credit cards if joint as well so he has a problem paying when he leaves.

Pipsqueak11 · 11/09/2019 23:44

I would feel exactly as you do OP. If only life and emotions were as simple and black and white as some posters suggest . Sadly it's not and where you are is a painful and raw place to be . Hope you're ok OP.

latexsalesman · 11/09/2019 23:45

Petty, vindictive people don't make good partners.

Ah but cheaters do!

Op this must really hurt. I'm sorry. They work together - does his work know? Is she married?

I know you've said you don't want to separate but you deserve more than this. What have you started doing in the way of organising your finances etc? I would start going out, behaving separated just like he is, planning my life.

tolerable · 11/09/2019 23:45

meet him in the reception area on arrival?

latexsalesman · 11/09/2019 23:46

I did read on here once that someone sent a bouquet to the hotel room her partner and ow were in with a message to enjoy their weekend. That probably ruined it for them!

Nancydrawn · 11/09/2019 23:47

OP, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I understand that you're hurt, angry, and frustrated, and you have the absolute right to all of those feelings.

But I'm afraid people are right when they say that pranks, etc., aren't going to help your cause. It won't stop him from hurting you, and it will just make it more awful as you'll feel more powerless.

I would just be entirely clear to him: "I know what you're planning to do. I don't want this marriage to be over, but if you do it, you know that it is. Think about that before you make decisions that are going to change your life, and my life, for the rest of our lives."

Frankly, I wouldn't give him that kind of power; I'd tell him that going on this trip meant the end and that you were done. But if you can't, I would be calm, clear, and painfully dignified.

bigfatmoggy · 11/09/2019 23:48

Poor some milk onto the carpet in the footwells of his car. It might take a couple of weeks to smell really bad - when is he going? Also I suppose if it really stinks he might take a different car - or perhaps he's going by train - but it will still smell revolting for about 6 months and he'll never work out why, so you may get some joy out of it......Grin

bigfatmoggy · 11/09/2019 23:48

pour not poor......

wasnotwasweregood · 11/09/2019 23:51

I agree with @Nancydrawn, I'm so sorry OP. Does he know you know about this?

Sparrowlegs248 · 11/09/2019 23:52

@WGC3 I think you're getting a hard time here. On another day you would have had a thread full of gleeful, ever more outrageous a d funny suggestions.

HappyParent2000 · 11/09/2019 23:53

My wife wants to separate but I don't.
She's meeting another man this weekend.
What shall I do to her??

In both cases, let things be. Grab your own life and make it the best YOU can.

Anything else is a waste of effort.

Original poster
WGC3 · 11/09/2019 23:53

yes she's married, was a friend of mine actually, and yes am getting finances etc sorted but we have been together forever and have a child so the dilemma is how hard do you fight to keep your marriage and family together? I fully understand comments re dignity etc but sometimes you have to see the bigger picture if you can find a way to move forward. As I said, its at the emotional level at the mo, still v damaging but not quite at game changer level - unless they do this weekend...

OP posts:
Winterlife · 11/09/2019 23:56

Are you 100% positive this is an illicit weekend? Or is it work related?

Do you have children?

I’m sorry so many posters are perfect. I think the fantasy of revenge is better than the reality.

I agree with others to put your ducks in a row. Start putting aside money for your separation. Tell him to move out. Get some counselling. You deserve better than a husband who disrespects you.

user1493423934 · 11/09/2019 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LolaSmiles · 11/09/2019 23:59

I’m sorry so many posters are perfect. I think the fantasy of revenge is better than the reality
It's not about being perfect at all. It's precisely because he fantasy is better than reality that it more helpful to offer support and useful help to a poster in this situation instead of fanning the flames of emotions that aren't going to help the poster in their situation.

It's easy for people to sit at home fishing not all kinds of revenge/advice that will inflame situations and the the like on threads like this, but it's not helping the OP most of the time.

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 12/09/2019 00:01

Umm, you asked for ideas to ruin his weekend Confused If you are content to be treated like this I'm not sure why you posted with that title?

Most ideas were probably tongue in cheek, letting you imagine a scenario without necessarily doing anything about it. Apologies if that didn't come across.

But please don't put up with this. Seriously. Don't do the pick me dance. This should not be the rest of your life.

ReanimatedSGB · 12/09/2019 00:03

You can't 'fight' to save a relationship. It's unethical to try. Everyone has the right to end a relationship at any time for any reason: the only obligation a departing partner has is to be as fair as possible about finances and to refuse to use any DC as pawns or weapons.

WingingWonder · 12/09/2019 00:06

Overseas?
It’s awful when you misplace your passport

FeeFee832 · 12/09/2019 00:07

Gosh some people are so mean!

FeeFee832 · 12/09/2019 00:07

Sorry to hear this OP. Are you defo separating? Can you stop him from going?

3dogs2cats · 12/09/2019 00:09

Make your own plans. Show zero interest in his. Don’t enable don’t ask, don’t respond, unless kids ask where he’s going tell them to phone and ask him.we do all the emotional work , if we stop they have to do that for themselves. Book your weekend for next week, and tell him nothing. If you end up in a travelodge on a bypass by yourself, spend the time planning your future.
Countdown how long it is before he tells you that you are “cold”.