Gosh lots of hugs. Don’t blame you at all for exploding. Probably best it just got a lot out.
And to @NoThankYouSatan too. Heart wrenching. Hope you and baby are doing well.
You say you are wondering why he threw his family away. I wondered that too. I don’t think they consider that. They take one step, away from the family, away from you, flirt perhaps, feel sorry for themselves, or entitled, and then just a look perhaps on internet sites, it just grows one step and they enter a world of lies, sneakiness and compartmentalising it. So his thinking won’t be like yours. It’s fucked up basically.
That’s why he panicked totally and first tried to deny it. They can’t even see themselves yet.
I don’t know if that helps, but you will be asking those questions in your own head or to him, and there’s no clear answer unfortunately. My ex tried to give me answers but they were all rubbish.
What matters is you and your family. Just processing it, slowly. You have a healthy brain that has not been lying or cheating, so you will be able to get through it. Keep your own strength as you have masses and you will be amazed at yourself.
Now I’m sure you just feel like you’ve been hit by a tonne of bricks. So think of it like a recovery ward, with your kids, eat well, sleep well (see your gp if needed), nurture your way through, have visitors who will help look after you, and curtain off as much stress as you can, which might include your DH trying desperately to want to talk and explain.