Can anyone explain what I'm looking at?

[HeadLikeSpaghetti]

Hi all. I'm new to mumsnet and was pointed here by a friend.
This could really be something or nothing and I'm so confused. I've been married for years. Really happily, I've never had one issue with him in all the time we've been together. But... on Sunday I was walking past the spare room where his laptop is when I saw him quickly click out of an email account that didn't look like his. When I asked he got all flustered and said of course it was but Ive got a terrible feeling about his reaction.
This morning I still hadn't shaken it so started digging. I put his phone no in various providers and it was linked to gmail. (His isn't gmail). Now this is where it could be nothing. I can also get into this gmail with his other (usual) email. It then gives the option to convert his usual account to gmail. So I'm guessing it may be innocent but could anyone explain the following please

1. He has a few passwords he uses. The one to get into this gmail is different from his email one
2. There is a username that is not mentioned anywhere on his usual account
3. This username with gmail.com on the end is a recognised email address but the same password doesn't work with it
4. There are options to look at internet history and location history (this one says paused) but I can't seem to look at anything.

I'm just so confused with what I'm looking at. I've always trusted him and feel bad for even writing this but then keep thinking what if?
I know not all perfect husbands are what they seem!

Perhaps he was planning a surprise for you?

My google account is on 'pause' (I actually only noticed this the other day!) so doesn't store any history ..... I have no idea why or when that setting is in place

Perhaps he was planning a surprise for you?

RTFT @wishywashy6 FFS

You sound very strong OP. Your girls will be ok but I second not telling the 14yr old the full story. Knowing he cheated will be enough imho for now

So sorry I've just read to the end, what a prick!

Stay strong OP

Just to say so sorry. Must be awful.

Especially as you described it as a happy marriage. Must be devastating.

I’m just so angry at people who cheat and also with prostitutes. What the hell was he thinking? How are we going to stop this happening as a society?

I am bringing up two sons. I’m trying to make sure that they treat relationships with respect and love. My father cheated. My ex cheated multiple times and so much I think he must view women as just vessels. And yet others still think he’s ‘a good man’. And so all these boys have role models.

I honestly thought it was rare for people to do this. Like you OP it’s a terrifying shock to realize it isn’t. And such destruction. Hugs.

Wishing you well, such a shocking thread to read. My advice is lean on your friends they will help you get through this. You can do it. You may end up with a better life than you had before, with no lies. Good luck. We're all behind you here.

Im Sorry head Iv only just looked in on this thread so I hadn't seen the last few days updates.

I'm really sorry this has been the outcome! The only positive is you know now and you are not in the dark about it now. Just take your time and think about what you want to do next and as you and others have said you have time to get everything in place.

I'm really glad you started this thread as it means until you have some rl support you can come here when things are tough.

Hope you are ok today xx

I just wrote a huge post and it vanished when I tried to post it. Nothing to update on circumstances but was offloading my feelings
I will come back later as he’s not out for long and if my post hasn’t materialised I will write it again.
I want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has supported me, this is a lifeline for me and I’m reading all the messages via the internet even though I can’t log on much to reply.

OP, so many women here have had similar experiences to varying degrees and in what they thought were happy marriages too , they know the turmoil. I for one certainly know the mental strain about having to keep something tremendously upsetting to yourself for a short while for practical reasons. Our xx and thoughts are with you. What an utter knob, but I also know it can be very hard to just ‘switch off’ any feelings at all just like that.

We’re with you @HeadLikeSpaghetti. Sending you good vibes, a clear head and rested sleep. X

I had DSD full time and still the mother got maintenance! Bonkers. It got reduced in the end.

Oops, wrong thread.

Wishing you well OP. Hopefully my mistake might give you a small chuckle.

Hope you are okay op

I looked at the screenshots again and just lost it. I didn’t even know I was doing it until I could hear the words coming out of my mouth. I told him I want him to move out. He obviously was stunned and asked why. So I told him about the google account and how I’ve seen his history since 2012. Prostitutes, hook up sites, fake emails the fucking lot. And he can fuck off. The pp who said watch him go all shades was right, I thought he might actually die from shock.
I said I was taking the dog out and he better not be there when I get back. He chased me down the hallway begging me not to leave and telling me how I’d got it wrong, it was a fantasy, he’s never cheated on me, it must be some sort of addiction, and he may as well kill himself if I go.
I just slammed the door, literally threw the poor dog in the car and drive off.
I called his mum and told her her prostitute using son has threatened to kill himself and she should probably get round there.
So now I’ve been sitting on a park bench for an hour with the world going by and wondering how the fucking hell this is my life. I may not answer for a while as I had, and will have, mybohone switched off.
Thank you all for everything. You’ve made me so strong xxx

OP, can you go somewhere where you feel safe, is there someone that you can talk to who you feel safe with?

I Have to go home for when the kids get back. God I hope he’s gone.
I cheered myself up with my typo. Bohone?
I’ve messaged my friend but she won’t pick it up until she’s on lunch at 1

@HeadLikeSpaghetti We are all still here for you. Hope your friend messages you back and you get some support. Stay strong, I think anyone trying to keep a lid on the knowledge of this just to get their ducks in a row, must have the patience of a Saint. When I knew about my cheating ex, I had to deal with it there and then...no way could I sit on it.

Don't believe the further lies about it being a fantasy etc. You have enough evidence with the locations of him being near to where the escort operates etc. He will try to blag his way out of it for sure. Keep strong...you have got this and keep posting for support. Much love xx

Well now it has come to a head you can start emptying your head and heart of his shit finally , it hurts and it is in fact grieving , but I promise you this @Headlikespaghetti you get through it , you just do , you dont fking feel like you while but we are like little miracles... well maybe the children too are miracles and they are who help us soldier on and grow on our kick arse strength......... while he only had dirty lousy paid for hooks up .... will they cook his dinner do his washing look after his kids say good morning and good night to him each day , will they care for him when he is poorly will they be there to just be there
.. pah will they fuck !!!!!! He will get desperate mate , please always refer back to this post and never ever cave in ... sometimes they get in they just do .. even after all of that , so never pity him and be fooled. By all means pity his pathetic life. You are human ! Try to see old faces , old friends who haven't seen you in a while . I did this and they reminded me who I used to be .. was a massive tonic xx

I think I would want to to create as much distance between me and him as possible, you really really do need space and time to think away from him. Cut off all contact if you can except for messaging and don't get into any back and forth exchanges, whilst you are shocked and upset you are vulnerable your boundaries are shaky, protect yourself from him he will be trying to manoeuvre and spin things to his advantage

Well sometimes we just can't help ourselves.
It's all well good staying calm and getting things sorted but it's far easier said than done.
The relief when you finally get it all out is huge.
I held in my ExH cheating for far too long.
It just eats you up inside.
I'm glad you told his mum as well but... that's her son and she will believe what he tells her. Don't rely on her being on 'your side' because she won't be.
It's bloody hurtful but it's what happens.

Hopefully you get to have a chat with your friend.
Try to get some proper time with her to get all this off of your chest.

Well done!
And I hope he's not there but I think he will be. So be prepared.

You’re an amazing woman OP for holding all that in as long as you did. I think I’d want to tell his mum too, but he’s her son so she’ll probably forgive and forget.

Can you take someone with you when you go back home? That’ll stop any shit from him as he will be too ashamed to discuss in front of a third party.

Create distance and look forward to a better future without that duplicitous piece of shit.

The problem with the confrontation is that it creates a huge amount of shock and anger, this energy can go off in unexpected directions and it can be hard to control the fallout.
Try and get your own emotions under control, don't do anything rash.
What you have done is ambush him, he will be extremely angry and shocked and may behave in extreme ways.

boobomboobah - not really the most helpful comment right now, eh?

Personally, I’m glad you got it all out. As other posters have said, that must have been eating away at you. You’ve got the ‘proof’. Now you can really start the rest of your life, moving forwards and separating from him.

Bloody well done!!!

My ex couldn't even come up with the fantasy excuse, he just was blank and said he had no idea why the searches were there...

Stay strong, he will use every trick in the book to gaslight you.

As they used to say in the X-Files, the truth is out there. Well the truth is well and truly in your hands now. And it is up to you what you decide to do.

And well done on telling his Mum, go you!!!

Kill himself... good grief the drama - and how DARE he try emotional blackmail on you right now. He is more of a turd than I could possibly imagine.