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Original poster

Humiliated by dh in middle of Costco

306 replies

Mummy20192 · 06/09/2019 20:29

I feel humiliated and broken... went out shopping with Dds and dh to Costco. Heaving with ppl. We qued up to pay for shopping, when dh asked to return trolley. On my way back with dds after putting trolley back, we were stopped by a promotional lady sampling eczema creams.. youngest dd suffers from horrendous eczema so we stopped to sample a bit of cream.. we were away maybe for 5 min tops... my phone was on silent so didn’t hear dhs missed calls.

He saw us standing and started shouting top of his lungs do my wallet with my Costco cards, I was shocked everyone stopped and stared at me.. I was like “I’m sorry I’m coming” he blasted back “well answer your phone”.

I was so embarrassed, everyone close by stopped at stared at me being screamed at.. the lady who was showing the sample was so embarrassed, she apologised. I have never been humiliated so badly in my life.

He said sorry for shouting, but I’m heartbroken and this infront of the dds.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 06/09/2019 21:23

Sounds like this is just the metaphorical straw OP. There's a difference between being shouted to and being screamed at but if you're used to him snapping at you and making you feel small and stupid, i can understand not being able to differentiate in the moment.

I guess the question is how much of a pattern this is and whether you want to stay with someone who makes you feel like that.

DeeCeeCherry · 06/09/2019 21:23

I thought this was AIBU..! Only just realised it's Relationships. I can hardly believe it.

WTF is wrong nowadays with MN Admin? This place is full of trolls who scorn women who aren't feeling good. Now they're on Relationships board too...?

Sites gone to shit.

Ikeameatballs · 06/09/2019 21:24

There must be more to this? What else is going in your life/relationship to make you feel like this?

XingMing · 06/09/2019 21:26

On a light-hearted note, if that's the worst thing that's ever happened in your life, step lively and do not give it a moment's thought.

LolaSmiles · 06/09/2019 21:26

DeeCeeCherry
The thread was in everyone's active page.

Whether it's relationships or not, the principle is the same: you don't walk off leaving your partner at the till to peruse some creams that will be there in 5 mins once you're through the checkout and have stopped holding everyone up.

It's not trolling to point out someone is being a bit silly in their response.

Mydogmylife · 06/09/2019 21:28

Well, to be honest I'd have shouted at you as well, and conversely if I'd been the one dithering about with creams I wouldn't have been 'humiliated and broken' , I'd have accepted that I'd been a bit of a tit swanning off with the cards and taken the shouting on the chin.

Is there about to be a massive drip feed on the way?

XingMing · 06/09/2019 21:29

Five minutes is not a huge amount of time, but it can feel endless.

AsTheWorldTurns · 06/09/2019 21:30

Jeez, OP. I'd be really irritated if I were queuing and my husband ran off with the cards.

I imagined him calling you a fucking slag or similar.

Nannewnannew · 06/09/2019 21:30

helpmeimatoad oh yes toad, I also cannot abide people who are totally oblivious to the world around them, and then, when they are confronted about it act all surprised and hurt.

OP, I’m not surprised your husband was angry, I would have been too.

AsTheWorldTurns · 06/09/2019 21:31

This thread is at the top of 'active conversations', by the way.

passionfruit11 · 06/09/2019 21:32

Why did you put the trolley back before the items were scanned and paid for? Doesn't make much sense. Why wouldn't you just put the trolley back on your way out like everyone else does?

Rosehip10 · 06/09/2019 21:32

Are you from a more middle class background than your DH?

HerRoyalNotness · 06/09/2019 21:33

You lost me at returning the trolley. At ours we take the trolley through and they load everything back into it to get it all to the car.

I think you’re overreacting a lot. He had to get your attention, he has apologised, time to let it go and don’t think any more about it.

Audreyhelp · 06/09/2019 21:33

I think you need to grow up . It was embarrassing for him not having the card .
What was he supposed to do.?

SaraNade · 06/09/2019 21:34

@DeeCeeCherry I just let the person behind me go in front of me
A little hard to do though if all the items are ON the conveyor belt already (she had already returned the trolley remember, so their items were already taking up room on the checkout conveyor belt), and there is no room for the next person to put their trolley's worth through, due to that.

DecomposingComposers · 06/09/2019 21:36

Im confused by the trolley - the cashier at Costco takes your trolley round behind them for you to reload your shopping into - why would you take it anywhere before you've paid for your shopping?

Also.queues in Costco can be horrendous. I can't believe the other shoppers were best pleased at having to wait for you to finish sampling creams before deciding to return to the checkout. I'm surprised it was only your DH complaining and not the rest of the queue too.

dollydaydream114 · 06/09/2019 21:36

Unless there's a huge drip-feed about to start here, I'm really struggling to see why someone would be 'humiliated and broken' by a 20-second row in a supermarket.

He was holding up the queue because you'd buggered off with the Costco card, and you'd been faffing about with free samples despite knowing he was in the queue, and also, he only shouted because he'd been trying to phone you to tell you he was at the front of the queue. He didn't just suddenly snap. If I'd been him, I'd have been stressed to hell.

Unless there is a whole lot more here that you're not telling us, I really can't see what the big deal is here. Your reaction just seems so extreme and I'm a bit baffled.

SaraNade · 06/09/2019 21:36

And by the sound of it, it wasn't like an 8 items or less, register. If the conveyor belt is full, how is the person behind (with their trolley full to the brim as well) going to be able to be scanned?

Bluntness100 · 06/09/2019 21:37

started shouting top of his lungs do my wallet with my Costco cards

I'm sorry op, what does this mean? This story is so confused.

Metempsychosis · 06/09/2019 21:37

Baffled by the “there’s no excuse for shouting” posters. She had something he needed pretty urgently because he was holding up the queue and couldn’t proceed without it. He tried to phone her but couldn’t get through. Running off to get her would be tricky from the middle of a queue. Surely shouting to get her attention is the logical next step? Our voices go that loud for a reason - sometimes you really need to get the attention of someone who isn’t close to you.

Of course if what he actually shouted was “get your fat arse back here you lazy cow” or similar then YANBU, but the volume per se is not the problem.

Timandra · 06/09/2019 21:37

I don't agree that this is trivial behaviour.

Screaming orders at someone at the top of your lungs so that everyone around turns and stares at them is shitty behaviour designed to infantilise and humiliate them. It isn't something you do to your loved ones.

If my DH did that to me, I'd walk straight out of the shop and leave him to be the centre of attention on his own.

Whether your DH needed to cards or not is neither here nor there.

If this is just an escalation of how he treats you all the time, you need to consider whether staying with him is the right thing. Allowing your DDs to grow up watching you being treated like that isn't OK, to say nothing of the fact that you should not have to live like that yourself.

ThirstyGhost · 06/09/2019 21:37

I don't know about this because it entirely depends on tone of voice, expression on his face, etc... and most importantly your history. My ex-H once humiliated me in a fish and chip shop of all places. He said I was taking too long to decide and pulled me over to the counter and held me by the wrist while he read out all the options in an incredibly loud voice, glaring at me like he hated me. It sounds stupid when I repeat it here, but at the time I felt humiliated. So like I say, it depends on so many things. Personally, I don't think shouting in a raging way is ever ok - if that's what he did?

londonrach · 06/09/2019 21:38

Roles reversed op... you queuing at the till to pay and the person who thought was with you to pay disappeared...the queue is building and people are tutting...suddenly you see the person who can pay and they playing around with samples....yabu. You knew he was going to pay. How many people were held upwaiting for you to return!

Oblomov19 · 06/09/2019 21:39

Eh?
Confused.com
Seems like a total overreaction on your part.
Events is right, as a fellow Costco customer, you know that they can't start scanning till they have your card. So you held Dh up. Which is embarrassing.

Notverygrownup · 06/09/2019 21:39

Bloody hell, I can't believe the bashing you are getting here. I hope that you are still reading None of us were there, so we can't judge the tone of how he spoke to you, but you make it quite clear in your OP that he was screaming at you in a shop.

[You also say that dh asked (you) to return the trolley, so he sent you off with the cards, and clearly forgot that you had them.]

It may be that he was flustered and stressed at holding up the queue, but only you know how he behaves whilst stressed, and whether he responds just loudly or unpleasantly/agressively. Either way the fact that you have posted here suggests that you were looking for some support and solidarity, so here are some Flowers for you, Lovely.

If it was a one off, then don't let it upset you. It's done now and he has apologised. If it is part of a bigger pattern of him losing his temper and using you as his punching back to take his stresses and strains out on, then perhaps you would be better starting a new thread, in relationships, asking whether the dynamic in your relationship is a healthy one, or how you can work on it.

Best of luck

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