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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Humiliated by dh in middle of Costco

306 replies

Mummy20192 · 06/09/2019 20:29

I feel humiliated and broken... went out shopping with Dds and dh to Costco. Heaving with ppl. We qued up to pay for shopping, when dh asked to return trolley. On my way back with dds after putting trolley back, we were stopped by a promotional lady sampling eczema creams.. youngest dd suffers from horrendous eczema so we stopped to sample a bit of cream.. we were away maybe for 5 min tops... my phone was on silent so didn’t hear dhs missed calls.

He saw us standing and started shouting top of his lungs do my wallet with my Costco cards, I was shocked everyone stopped and stared at me.. I was like “I’m sorry I’m coming” he blasted back “well answer your phone”.

I was so embarrassed, everyone close by stopped at stared at me being screamed at.. the lady who was showing the sample was so embarrassed, she apologised. I have never been humiliated so badly in my life.

He said sorry for shouting, but I’m heartbroken and this infront of the dds.

OP posts:
Ilikethisone · 07/09/2019 22:56

OP you say you would never embarrass anyone in public.

Yet also think that people should be bothered in any situation, where you hold a queue up for 5 minutes.

You dont really think much of other people and their feelings at all.

I have to agree with pp, has a distinct whiff of sistine chapel-gate about it.

CandyLeBonBon · 07/09/2019 22:57

Of course it's not ok to be abused. Either in public or private. However there are elements of the OP's posts which don't make sense. It's not rude or bullying to try and make sense of that.

Ilikethisone · 07/09/2019 22:57

And yes, if I was getting ready to go through the check out and dp pissed off for 5 minutes with my card AND wasnt wasnt answering his phone, I would be annoyed too and yell to get his attention.

Skittlenommer · 08/09/2019 00:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Drogosnextwife · 08/09/2019 00:10

However you shouldn't have gone off doing your own thing if you had his wallet and cards.

Ffs sake, it's like people can't read. He sent her away with the cards and she didn't even know she had them. My dp puts things in my bag all the time and I don't t know he's done it. Not that hard to understand.

marzipanballsrule · 08/09/2019 00:13

I feel your pain, it's inconsiderate to put you in that position he could have been nicer

We were having some work done in the house the builders and electricians needed to know some details do I phoned my dh on speaker phone (he was not at work so no excuse) and was vile and snapped at me and put the phone down! Think the builders were more embarrassed than me, at least they asked if I was ok and said he was out of order, dh only excuse was he was busy.......sometimes men are inconsiderate idiots

Drogosnextwife · 08/09/2019 00:15

It's not rude or bullying to try and make sense of that.

That's not what most people are doing here though is it. They are completely mocking the OP. Capying and pasting sarcastic remarks from the most hilarious posters among up and sticking a laughing emoji next to it like we are in the playground.
Yes you all win, OP must be a liar and a drama queen, and you are so clever and witty.

mehmehmehmeh · 08/09/2019 00:23

There is clever slight changes to details and use of specific words that would have had me believing her at one point. I’m a bit wiser now and see it a mile off. Not nasty to call this out.

Nah you're not. You're just enjoying making fun and mocking the op and now you're trying to justify it.

Davespecifico · 08/09/2019 00:30

I think people have got hung up on the details of the COSTCO trio. The issue is that his behaviour was disproportionate and that he is likely (from what OP reports) to be like this at home.
OP. Give us some other examples of how he treats you.

Davespecifico · 08/09/2019 00:30

Trip not trio.

homertonb · 08/09/2019 01:05

Completely agree with ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents

MNHQ
LouMumsnet · 08/09/2019 10:25

Morning everyone and thanks for the reports on this thread. We've deleted some posts which broke TGs.

We'd like to remind you that Mumsnet is here to make parents' lives easier and also thanks to those who've already offered support to the OP. Whilst we can never vouch for anyone 100 per cent on MN - we have no reason to think that the OP is posting with anything but the best of intentions here.

If you have concerns about particular posts on the thread, please report them directly to us at MNHQ rather than troll hunting, which isn't allowed on MN.

Peace and love.

WelcomeToShootingStars · 08/09/2019 12:57

Jesus! Why are so many people trying to pick holes in this woman?? It doesn't fucking matter why she was moving a trolley. It was a bit of an oversight that she had the card. Everyone has gotten distracted from time to time, we're all human. The delay is an annoyance for a few minutes, not the end of the world.

I understand the husband may have felt stressed by it. But I wouldn't personally accept someone raising their voice and shouting at me for any reason.

Timandra · 08/09/2019 13:10

I agree with Shootingstars. The comments on this thread are vile.

If you care about someone and they irritate you by becoming distracted when you need them, you use the minimum fuss to get their attention and then politely explain how you feel.

You don't ball them out publicly so that everyone in a busy shop stops to turn and stare at them.

This man was using humiliation to punish and control the OP as she wasn't being attentive enough to his needs. I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that he expected his needs and wishes to be paramount in every aspect of their family life and used his temper to ensure that's what he got.

ILoveHumanity · 08/09/2019 13:12

Welcome I’m not sure why but past few days many users have been trying to prove their wits by picking holes in other women posting for help..

Inspired by school gates competitiveness or something.. it’s been happening for a week and frankly disturbing.

RJoneszy · 08/09/2019 13:17

This thread is absolutely disgusting. I'm not surprised the OP has left. MN has changed.

Chamomileteaplease · 08/09/2019 14:59

You might get more sympathy if you tell us what is was exactly that your husband shouted.

Weedinosaurus · 08/09/2019 16:01

@mehmehmehmeh I have not joked or mocked OP. I would never just pile in on a thread to be nasty. Maybe I’m projecting my own issues in my response and maybe I’m wrong but my gut feeling is as I stated in my post above. I’m not out to pick holes.

I lived in a home with someone who always very subtly and carefully worded things to make other people side with them. At times they had me genuinely believing I was in the wrong. This person used to seek validation from others. The word ‘heartbroken’ was frequently used to describe how I’d made them feel. They changed very subtle details in stories when things didn’t go their way. Eventually people saw the light when they couldn’t keep it up. Eventually I saw what was happening. Eventually I walked away and I’m extremely cautious now. The OPs post and responses rang alarm bells with me.

LolaSmiles · 08/09/2019 16:17

You might get more sympathy if you tell us what is was exactly that your husband shouted.
This.
And if there's a history that's relevant too.

Otherwise there's nothing unreasonable about shouting across to someone to come back to the till when you've already called them multiple times (which people have covered multiple times).

This is going to be one of those threads where nobody can give practical advice because it feels very much like crucial information is being missed out and bits keep changing. For people who are in normal healthy relationships, shouting across when someone's gone AWOL in a shop and isn't answering their phone is a total non event and they can see why the husband was irritated. For people who've had bad experiences, they're more likely to view the situation as a controlling incident.

JealousOrFair · 08/09/2019 16:22

Weedinosaurus

I guess sometimes people aren’t comfortable sharing too much details which could be outing and they like their privacy and they’re just seeking support and validation for the feelings.

It’s not malicious. And yes it’s not wise to ever take sides without knowing the facts which at times requires hearing both sides.

Non the less support can b given without the personal details and without jumping to conclusions.

You don’t have to assume the intentions to be wrong or bad or fake.

Your relative and whatever they did is not the best but it’s reallt the fault of people around them who believed things without verifying the details. It’s not wrong for someone to seek validation for their feelings

JealousOrFair · 08/09/2019 16:23

Assumptions are always bad, whether cynical or puts the subject in good light.

Timandra · 08/09/2019 17:22

The language the OP used made it very clear that he wasn't merely shouting across to her. That sort of minimising is about minimising abuse and it's a shitty thing to do.

Timandra · 08/09/2019 17:27

Too much minimising!

Original poster
Mummy20192 · 08/09/2019 17:33

Thank you to all those mumsnetters who have shown support respectfully.. and a special thanks to those few ladies who have stood up for me. Thank you 😘

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 08/09/2019 17:57

Weedinosaurus

You had one experience with one person, it hardly makes you an expert on manipulative language does it?

The victim blaming on here is an absolute shambles. None of you have a clue what the OPs life is like, and this incident screams of there being a bigger picture, yet you could all have a person in an abusive relationship convinced they are wrong and the one to blame.

Swipe left for the next trending thread