Dating thread 169: You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body...

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

Thread 169 open for business, roll up, roll up...

Have you tried calling him @Azadewow because I'm sorry I would want my say as that's just rude

coffee gosh I hope you feel better soon - it sounds like you’re in the best place for now.

lifegoes I did, he didn't answer, and I also sent him a msg to at least tell me what happened, as I am very confused and hurt

Azadewow that is the pits, I’m so sorry. It’s horrible not having the chance to get your word in, but don’t call again. Delete chats and number etc. Apply Rule 6. Wish bad things on him and move on.

@Coffeeandchocolate9 I hope you're feeling better soon

@Azadewow I would ignore him now, don't let him think you care. Let him see you back on the apps, a strong woman, who isn't going to dwell on a shitty wanker.

Then I'd def leave him be. What an utter cock. Hate people like him. Hope you are ok @Azadewow

@Azadewow it is confusing and hurtful, but I would take some consolation from the fact you didn't see it coming, you didn't notice any change in him, and therefore this is clearly about him and not you.
He's exposed himself as a prize bellend, and it's better that you realise this now rather than weeks or months down the line, when you would hurt even more.
He's a twat and it's his loss! I would recommend moving on and getting yourself back on the apps and swiping again. I can confirm it's good therapy 😉 but if you need some time then do what's right for you.
(Feel like a bloody hypocrite saying stuff like this because I'm useless at taking my own or anybody else's advice 😂)

@Azadewow I echo what others have said and add “fuck him”

Mr Cactus messaged me earlier and we’ve bantered a bit, then he said something about hoping he represents the non sleazy side of men

I responded

You’re doing well, as long as you’re not giving anyone else your blueberries

“Only my mum”

MoreNiceCereal not unusual to me, I’m not sure I could ever live with someone either, maybe one day but not whilst I still have dc’s at home (maybe not when then move out either).

Ant330 I think he’s burying his head under the sand a little but he obviously has more going out each month than he has coming in and still talks about things he wants to buy and spends a fortune taking the kids to eat out instead of cooking for them (he likes to take me out too but I would be happy to cook).

I guess I’m worrying too much because as long as he doesn’t live with me it’s not really my problem.

Yey SBD !!!

Everyone's situations are far more advanced than me but Mr Racing messaged me today (my messages on OkCupid have been unread since Wed and I was panicking as I genuinely thought we would be a good match). And a really long, yet interested message! WOOHOO!

The weird thing is we first spoke 3 years ago, but never met and I ended up back with ex. He found me on pof and messaged me again. U d think for someone who remembers u after 3 years he would show interest for longer

It was the first guys I opened up to in ages and let my guard down so it has hit me hard. But you are all right, it's not me it's him. Even if I had done something he could have talked to me first.

Back to the drawing room to find someone who is actually decent, and not just pretends to be it lol

azade that does sound weird, I can understand your confusion about it. But it’s definitely him, not you.

mytime good for you. You are far more patient than I would have been!

@CassettesAreCool i really wasn't patient but couldn't understand how they were unread but I suspect he doesn't use OKCupid much. Here's hoping messaging picks up!

I haven’t managed to get on here for a while as life is mega busy in school holidays but would love some wise MN advice as I’m feeling blue.

Have been dating MrTri a couple months now and it’s really cool relaxed and easy with him. Last night he was telling me about his ex wife (few years ago) and I asked him about his ex from earlier this year.
Wish I hadn’t
They met on POF got on really well, things moved quickly and he was practically living there when she suddenly went cold and called it off - after about 7 months. He was really upset, said for weeks he was hoping she would come back....
Then he woke up to that fact that if she cared she wouldn’t have been so cruel and he deserved more.
Agree totally, he is worth way more than that.

However I now feel shit. Feel like I am second best and if he could have her he would. I don’t want to walk away, but I don’t want to feel not good enough. I felt like that all through my marriage.
I think it’s my problem rather than his but I need to work out how to get through it...

So Mr Tall and I are no more...I feel sick

@onlymebutdifferent what happened?

@Azadewow your bloke sounds awful, words fail me, how can people treat others this way

Not a great start to OLD. Exchanging nice messages all week, date arranged for this evening, then blocked. Wtf?!

Sorry it's kermitrulesok but name changed! I can't believe it after 3 fucking months!

@savoretti we've all been heartbroken at some point and wished things weren't the way they were. Your a couple of months in and take solace that he's sharing his vulnerabilities with you at the stage you're at. You're not second best, he's with you now and clearly wants to be. He might be taking it a bit slower too after being burned like that before.

Have fun, don't over-over invest, have boundaries, take your time and don't worry about his past unless he's always dwelling on it at your expense.

@onlymebutdifferent Oh no, what happened 😟? You know where we are if you want to talk 🌻

@Azadewow What they all said. ⬆️ Monumental arsehole, and you've had a lucky escape early on, but it doesn't make it hurt less 🌻

@Savoretti This is why I really try and avoid any discussions on exes. My mind starts working over time and within an hour I've convinced myself I'm just a nice distraction until they get back together. It's all crap of course. He didn't know you when he was with her. Leave the past where it belongs. No good will come of imagined scenarios. She farted, plucked her chin hair, had morning breath and PMT spots like the rest of us. I've been guilty of much SM stalking of BL. Having met her in real life I can confirm she is a big fan of a filter...

Thanks so much guys. I needed to hear that.
I do overthink I know, and in the past I would have just walked away in order not to get hurt.
I don’t want to do that.... I like him and I wish I had never asked. Serves me right, but will try and forget it and appreciate that he is with me now.
Bloody hard his dating when you start out with all sorts of insecurities and vulnerabilities....

I need some advice guys. I am Ms Unavailable, but I would really like to find out why and do something about it. Over my time on these threads quite a few of you have mentioned getting counselling to work on yourself, boundaries etc. How do I go about this? I've looked at IAPT services in my area and they all seem to start with a sort of self-diagnosis - low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, sexual problems. I don't think I have these at all. Does anyone know what my inability to open up and have a relationship is called? Thanks.

@Savorett If you think about it everyone could be ‘second best’ if their partner has an ex. If that person hadn’t cheated, been a dick etc then they wouldn’t have become exs. It doesn’t mean future partners are loved less.

@onlymebutdifferent I’m really sorry, I hope you’re okay.