Dating thread 169: You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body...

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

Thread 169 open for business, roll up, roll up...

@onlymebutdifferent I'm so sorry to hear this. I can imagine how devastated you must be. Especially as you have supported him through such a difficult time. It took me a while to get to that point, but deleting all our messages and his number was a relief for me in the end. Mine also ended things abruptly saying he wasn't in the place for a serious relationship. Even though he'd been acting as if we'd been in one for months.

@WhatWhyWhen why are you talking to Mr Hf if it's over and he messes with your head?

Wow @RickDeckard sounds amazing!!

@shitwithsugaron glad that things are settling down all round

I have previously posted about Mr Elusive... Kind of my first OLD experience. Been chatting for a couple of months but only met a few times for a couple of hours. Very very busy work wise, I get that but contact has dwindled and always seems to be a reason we can't pin down a date to meet. I think for whatever reason he just didn't want to tell me he's not in to me.

So I decided to leave it and after chatting with a few more, have swapped numbers with Mr Posh. Feel like we click so have arranged to meet next week for coffee and see what happens. He seems much more interested than Mr Elusive!
I would be a bit confused if Mr Elusive came back and was actually interested but was just crap at showing it, I really liked him... I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next week

Thanks everyone yeah it was absolutely for the best and I'll just have to accept it and move on. I think the relationship we were building before he lost his mum was verging on the perfect and that's what makes it all so hard. We are absolutely perfect for each other and you never know what the future will bring when he's in a better place. He's asked to be friends but I've said I can't just yet as it's too painful. I need some time to process it all. Hope everyone else is getting on ok

I agree that friends would be too hard for you right now @onlymebutdifferent I think you will need to put self protection to the top of your list as he will be in a mess and used to having you there.

He's an amazing guy and I quite admire his honesty and the fact he wasn't going to let something run away and potentially get worse. I asked why he didn't end it before and he was hoping to feel better so he didn't hurt me. I think we'll be friends eventually as we have such a strong connection but I can't face it just yet

Yeh I agree with @shitwithsugaron
No matter how close the connection @onlymebutdifferent you aren't his friend and your feelings for him won't just disappear. Being friends has a long and painful drawn out saga to it. Where you hope for more. He sometimes gives more and then pulls away again. Imho.

@Notcoolmum yes you're right and I'm not going to let that happen. I've started swiping again but my hearts not in it so will take a much needed break.

Ah onlyme that sounds so bloody hard

HairyArsedMan thank you for the link, it was an interesting read

I send him one last message telling him exactly how badly I think if him for acting like this, had an almost 10 hrs of sleep and feel much better today. Still sad and angry, but keep on swiping right.

Shit notcool He got called MrHF probably unfairly. We went out for about 2 months, started off massively intensely, then while I was away we just started irritating each other and he ended it saying I wanted too much. In reality I think he had a date with someone else (you know the pattern!).

I called him HF as he went from full on (thinking ahead, gifts etc.) to zero in a few days.

Why are we talking? My fault, I contacted him a couple of weeks later to return something and it’s gone from there. He now contacts me. But it’s friends... he fills an intellectual gap for me, music and literature that the others simply don’t. I smile when he texts.

It’s not good, not good AT ALL. But it is stopping me obsessing that MrEP (who actually fits my life) is MIA.

He sent me a song that I totally overthought, Sunshine can attest to how angsty it was

I'm sorry I am right through @onlymebutdifferent
I'd wanted to stay friends with mine too. Although I didn't really want friendship of course. I wanted what we had and for him to come round.
I miss him still. I truly believed we had a great connection we will struggle to find again. Although after some time I can see it wasn't all perfect.

I did swipe and now have a casual thing going on which I'm enjoying. But I do worry he likes me more and I need to be clear wit him. Which I think I have been...

Azade I hope you're okay. It's horrible the way people behave OLD. But it's not you

shit you're just human!

only I think you need a bit of distance before you can be friends. Otherwise you're always hoping ...

@onlymebutdifferent / Kermit. Noo I’m devastated for you. I felt like we were in line as both met at similar times. I don’t think I could be just friends or like you said not straight away.
I’ve got a date for keys for my very own house! Eek. Mr local continues to be pretty amazing too. Keep feeling like It would be natural to say the l word but holding back

So people, shake a bit of sense into me. I wrote to Mr Racing on Wed on OkCupid, he wasn't online, then didn't read till Friday and then responded with a very long message back. I replied but it hasn't been read. We have already matched.

Am I flogging a dead horse here and do I sound too needy? I don't want to unmatch yet but I am overthinking as to whether interested at all.

A quick update from me from I think it was the last thread. I had my appointment at the breast clinic on Tuesday, the original lump I found has disappeared as it was only an infection but I had found another on the opposite side that I was worried about but it turned out just to be a cyst so nothing worrying at all. Mr Caribbean is far more level headed than I am and had told me it was probably nothing to worry about. He checked in with me after the appointment quickly as he wasn't supposed to be texting as he is in the army and was on exercises this week.

Things are going well for us despite my best attempt at self sabotaging last Friday. Sometime I think things are going too well and too perfectly that I look for any small reason that he might be sleeping around or not being 100% honest. We have fallen into a routine as to when we see each other we usually have dinner, relax and listen to music, DTD and snuggle in bed watching a film. I like it though so no complaints here. The insecurities from my last relationship are seeking is as I was accidentally the other woman for 6 months as he had a partner and child I knew nothing about.

I have decided that I'm not going to be talking with a friend about him as she keeps telling me it won't last as he has kids and I don't and because of his job and the distance between us it won't last. I refuse to believe that because it might last between us and he makes me so happy and I'm going to take it one step at a time with Mr Caribbean and just ignore other people telling me what to do or their opinion on my relationship.

I've done it...I've deleted all of the 20,000 messages/pics/videos/links from WhatsApp. Not going to block him as I genuinely care and I'm not going to message him. Was actually really hard to delete everything and my finger hovered for way longer than it should have! Feel a bit better now

@JeSuisPrest thanks for that. That’s exactly how I want to act. I suppose I was upset as he had the chance to say ‘what we have is way better than I had with her anyway’ and he didn’t..... but am focusing on how well we do get on, and rather like MrC not saying the L word, hopefully he will suss things out in his own time...

So love that your DD is involved now so you can see MrC even when she is around. He sounds more wonderful each time you talk about him

mytime I had a guy like this once. Maddening but the messages when they arrived where thoughtful and funny. I stuck it out for a while but got increasingly grumpy about it and deleted him in the end. Goodness knows what it was all about, but I kind of regret being so impatient.

@dancerinthemoonlight The insecurities from my last relationship are seeking is as I was accidentally the other woman for 6 months as he had a partner and child I knew nothing about.

Could have been my ex!

@onlymebutdifferent Staying friends with someone is really hard, BF and I went a good six months without seeing each other before we started repairing the friend side of our relationship, it was hard work. We had been friends before however (for about 8 years), personally if we hadn’t before we met neither of us would have bothered to remain friends.

MrNN flies home tonight, he’s had his braces off when he’s be over there, so somethings will be less risky. He’s also shaved his head, it looks awful 😂 full on egg head.

I need some advice... I've enjoyed chatting with Mr posh so much, but our messages got a bit steamy and we haven't even met yet! What if he's got totally the wrong impression?! What do I say when we meet?! I'm so nervous...

Well done @onlymebutdifferent I know from experience how hard that was to do. I felt sick as 5 months of conversation and photos disappeared in a flash. But stopping me rereading and reanalysing everything he'd said was a really positive thing for me. It took me 6 weeks and me breaking NC for me to pluck up the nerve to press delete. He's likely to be back in touch. I'd be surprised if he just disappeared.

Glad your checks at breast clinic went well dancer 🤗