Dating thread 169: You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body...

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

Thread 169 open for business, roll up, roll up...

@EchoElephant He's telling you he's not interested in anything more than friendship, though the cheek kissing and handholding are waaaaaaaay overstepping that boundary. He's messing with you/getting an ego boost/using you as a fallback girl. Concentrate your attentions on someone who is available and wants you as much as you want them. Know your worth.

@JeSuisPrest you are on fire today!! Totally agree @EchoElephant listen to his words and not just his actions. He's told you what he wants so now he thinks he can act however he wants as he's been up front with you.
I've made this mistake.

@echo the moment he finds a new Mrs right he will dump you like a hot potato. Get rid of him

And there's a real disadvantage to posting here when not dating. It makes me a bit twitchy no euphemism intended!

BTW do we all agree on changing the you are the prize rule for know your worth in the next thread? Sounds so much better

@nowthefunbegins - what a knob, block him. I hate people getting conflicty with me!

@eyebrowsofinstagram good luck!

@jesuisprest no I haven't met Mr Three and won't be doing so now as I deleted POF and also deleted him off WhatsApp this morning because he is a child who won't even man up to a phone call so am not wasting my time with any more messaging to massage his ego despite how much I liked him as I was clearly lacking in judgement . So thank you for all of you on this site for pointing out what a breadcrumbing wanker he was.

My son is home for a week from tonight so am having a break from this - told my 2 remaining WhatsApp irons I'm not meeting them until next week at the earliest and actually am not that arsed either way if I do or not. And not going back on POF as I don't like the swarm of them when you are new, reminds me of zombies somehow. I may try Bumble as I like the idea of control, but probably not for a good few weeks as I am busy and have found it dispiriting

Read a really good book by Mo Gawdat recently which has an equation for happiness - it says your happiness is equal to or greater than the difference between the events of your life and your expectations of how life should behave. And my expectation of how adult men should behave (no offence to the lovely men on here) has not been met! But it's my fault in a way for having expectations about people who, as a wise person said on here, are just 'faces on a screen'. So am taking a break so as to remain happy!

I will be back in a few weeks (maybe) but thanks to all on here for wise words and laughs. Good luck to you all x

I always think the word prize suggests your an object to be won, rather than an actual human being

@Ndotto conflicty was exactly what it was, and for absolutely no reason. He is blocked now.
Have fun for the next few weeks, see you back here soon!

I’m in agreement of changing it, it gives a bad power imbalance, there are two people dating, they are human too, surely they would therefore be the prize too? And I don’t want to “win” anyone or be “won.

Something about bumble that does annoy me... does anyone find that some guys expect you to lead the whole conversation just because we initiate it?

I've had a few that seem to reply to my questions but not ask any of me..? I just delete them now. Had one the other day

So, Mr G (orgeous), is texting nice, polite chatty stuff every day... but not sure I'm feeling blown away by him. Or if that's a good thing or not. Seems a bit laid back. We're meeting in his city for our next date, so will see how it is in person.

There is another potential on bumble who is chatty with a lot more fun banter etc but he's not asked me out yet...how to steer it to that? Or should I just delete? I'm not asking him out... I always think if they're interested enough then they should ask, especially on OLD (or I'd suspect they enjoy the flirting and being chased as an ego boost).

@JeSuisPrest that was a lovely post with lots of good advice.

@HairyArsedMan thats exactly how I felt after Fireman. I'd made that leap with him and it took me a good while to nurse my wounds.

@SBD1 Can't quite put my finger on it but I'm getting warning signs when I read your posts. Maybe resonates with something for me.

Thanks for everyone's comments. I knew I was being the fallback girl but I didn't want to admit it to myself.
My friends all think he'll eventually change his mind and decide he does want to be with me. But because he's just come out of a LTR that ended badly he doesn't want to start another relationship just yet.

I'll speak to him tonight & tell him I can't be friends. I think it'll come as a big shock to him. But he's stopping me from moving on & finding someone else.

@echoelephant That was the limbo I was in with Mr Fireman... It just drags it out. He shouldn't be hugging you as he'll know that he's toying with your feelingsand giving you false hope.

You could say you're happy to be friends at some point, but that you need some time and space for now. And take it. Don't contact and ignore any of his.

@EchoElephant that's because your friends aren't dating and we have all been fed a diet of romcoms where she gets her prince in the end by sheer tenacity.
Well done. That was a brave step 👍

@Notcoolmum exactly! My friends believe in romance because they've found their perfect match.
I don't know how brave I will be. I might just meet him tonight but be unavailable if he asks again.

@KhaleesiTargaryen it's so hard, isn't it. When you like someone but they're not
giving you what you want.

And I'm the most non-tactile person you'll meet so I find getting hugs etc from him very difficult to deal with. I have told him this.

@EchoElephant He's toying with your feelings and he can't be unaware of that, this is not an admirable quality in a human being. I think were I did (probably still do) get confused with people I was dating - is I saw compatible personalities as a sign that we were a good match. But character is different and more telling. If you don't match there it's a done deal ime

@echo he doesn't deserve to meet you tonight.

I'm going to bow out of this thread and dating - it's my birthday today and I was meant to be spending it with Mr Tall. I've been crying most of the day and can't even smile. Hate dating, hate men and am feeling really out of sorts. I've had lots of lovely birthday messages which have made me cry more...good luck everyone and I'll catch you all in a few threads time 😊

Aw @onlymebutdifferent happy birthday and I'm sorry you are feeling so sad. Mr Tall is an idiot xx

Happy birthday @onlyme So sorry you are upset. Glad you had some good lovely messages. We are here if you need to brain dump more

@ndotto good luck and hope to see you again in a few threads time

@onlymebutdifferent So sorry you're feeling down and on your birthday too! Happy birthday, chin up love. It'll pass x

@onlymebutdifferent Happy Birthday. Sorry you are feeling so sad today x

@onlymebutdifferent I'm so sorry you're having a bad day. As a pp said we're here if you want to let off steam.

Oh @onlymebutdifferent sorry you are sad. We all think you are an amazing woman, he's not worth your tears at all. Try and enjoy the rest of your birthday. Use this as an opportunity to mark the next year as him gone!!!

@EchoElephant I think you are making the right choice. That's the thing with friends who aren't dating etc. They live in a world of false hope. Because unfortunately dating is not like it was and it's a massive headfuck. Sometimes you have to even remove men out of your life, just for your own mental health.

@Ginmel I agree with changing prize. I think it should be something about remembering your self worth and what you deserve.

I'm intrigued with how people move on after a "situation" has ended. I'm finding it hard to want to sleep with anyone else. Mainly because I feel guilty somehow on the other person. As if I'm cheating still. Or worried they'll find out. Yet he was only a FB for a year. And it's finished for a reason. But I also struggle with meeting more than one guy anyway. I have a guy hanging around that would just be sex only, but I just keep thinking the above AND it won't be as fun as what I had with my FB. And I'll probably compare (I don't know how people have affairs btw, I couldn't jump from one bed to another).

I'm not even sure that makes sense. But Any suggestions or thoughts.

Aw happy birthday @onlymebutdifferent Try to enjoy yourself with friends/family and give yourself a break for a while. The relief I felt when deleting my profile was real!

Not sure who mentioned it as I’m in bed groggy from sleeping for 4 hours, we both got STI tested. I did after my ex assaulted me and also got tested in prep for getting the coil fitted. And he did because he works at a hospital so I asked him if it was something he could do there and as they have a clinic he popped in.

Maybe the way I write my posts are what gives warning signs but honestly, he’s lovely and really kind. I’m not saying he is perfect but you know how someone’s mannerisms can often give off a vibe about whether they have a dark side etc? His doesn’t. On our first date we bumped into a friend of his with his daughter and I remember he said hello to his friend and then totally got down on the child’s level to say hello and that was the first heart pang for me.

He isn’t a dog person at all but he tries really hard with my dogs to tolerate them (the spaniel loves him) and it’s really funny watching him trying to exert authority over them and he just doesn’t listen. Because he’s so kind and sweet his “bedroom” side took me completely by surprise. I was actually worried he’d be boring in bed lol