'Emotional rape'

[Eckhart]

I was emotionally abused a few years ago, and ended up quite a wreck. It took me a long time to get my head around what had happened, and the way I'd been treated, and, after a while, I allowed myself to call it 'emotional rape', as I felt fully emotionally violated.

When I told my recent partner what had happened, she told me she didn't want me to call it 'rape', as she had been physically raped in the past, and the word was not appropriate to describe any other circumstance.

I repeated to her that I'd said 'emotional rape', and that I was not under the impression that the two were the same, but she insisted that I was not to use that word in front of her. She told me it was correctly referred to as 'emotional abuse'.

Am I not supposed to decide for myself how to define what happened to me? Or is she reasonable in claiming the word to describe purely physical rape?

@sagradafamiliar the op already said they weren't going to use it again, I was just giving my opinion. As a rape survivor I feel it's an educated opinion. Please explain why you called me a dick then? As far as I can see I have done nothing wrong?

I didn't. Read it again.
Opinion doesn't come into it. I'm pointing out a fact, like everyone else has.

When speaking in terms of criminality, there is one and only one meaning to the word in the legal sense and anyone looking to appear clever and enlightened by claiming otherwise is being a dick and they know it.

There you go.

Fact is that there is more than one meaning and the op did nothing wrong.

There isn't. I explained why.

I don't need your explanation. I said nothing about legal definitions did I?

Sorry if you're triggered but rape has more than one definition.

As for people calling others names I hope you raise your children to be better than that.

It has more than one definition is the OP was a place, not a person!

Aww. You really tried in that last post didn't you. You tried.

I raise my children to consider the impact of their choice of words on others. To be considerate. Not to be dicks.

They are fierce.

@chickenyhead My whole point when I posted the thread was that I was considering the impact of my choice of words on others.

Plus I think it really strange that people who have genuinely been emotionally abused would be happy going around using loose vocabulary triggering distress to others.

Disingenuous indeed

@Chickenyhead Please stop attacking me. I wasn't 'happy' about any of it, and I wasn't using loose vocabulary. I wasn't deliberately causing distress. I used the wrong word. What do you want from me?

I think in that context that word can be used if the person wishes since it can mean to 'violate'. Sorry you don't agree with me.

And no I didn't try anything. I just see quite a lot of bullying on here to be honest when people don't agree with each other.

Calling someone a dick on a forum isn't a great way to act and you clearly don't consider the impact of your words on others, but at least you're teaching your children to 🤔

I am not a very thick skinned person and I find getting called names upsetting especially when having what I thought was an adult discussion.

If you find the word so triggering that you resort to name calling maybe don't click on a thread that has the word in the title.

Yes, anyone can use the word INCORRECTLY because they've twisted a new meaning to it based on another word.

That's the second time you've mentioned my children and the second time you've tried to use 'triggered' as an insult (although I'm sure you're all faux-innocent, wide-eyed not meaning it like that). You're trying, bless you.

Oh dear, so here we go with being the victim. I hope anyone reading this reads the last few pages.

The name calling came after the dismissiveness and crybaby (lol) I didnt even call you a dick.

There is no point to this disgusting today thread. It is a disgrace.

Use whatever words you want. Reap the consequences of those choices.

Leave others to have their own experiences.

@Sagradafamiliar I've just spotted your post asking what my view is now.

In terms of abuse of a person, the word 'rape' is generally used to denote penetration by a penis, so I won't be using it to describe my abuse anymore.

I would not pull a person up on terminology whilst they were trying to share something painful with me. Supporting them would be my priority, in that moment.

My partner was not raped, but was sexually assaulted, and should also stop using the word.

People who have been abused need support and this should come without question from those who love them.

That's it.

So saying the word triggered is now an insult? I've heard it all now. Genuinely wasn't trying to insult you but if you choose to take it that way there isn't a lot I can do about that.

How predictable. I predicted you'd pretend you weren't insulting me. That's so funny!

I don't believe in calling people names because they don't agree with me. And I didn't dismiss anyone. We are all entitled to feel the way we do but not police other peoples choice of words. I didn't say anyone should use triggering words if it upsets someone, just that the voice of word wasn't 'wrong'.

I'm glad you find it funny... For what it's worth I don't go out of my way to insult people I don't know, what would be the point? It wasn't me throwing around insults.

I'm glad I found it amusing too because I didn't rise to you and now this thread will stay up for longer (unless it gets removed for other reasons) and everybody can read your posts and see what you've attempted to do.

For the record...not triggered. Just passionate about supporting the abused. Considering the suffering which could be used by inappropriate use of trigger words.

If you know that the word rape is triggering, which you clearly do, why on earth would you justify the misuse of such a word????

Beggars belief

@picklemepopcorn I'm the same with rapeseed oil etc...it just makes me shudder. I always thought I was being a bit over sensitive.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered not just me then. it's like a scream. Blah blah blah RAPE blah blah