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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend has just blocked me, everywhere

169 replies

Blockedandfarted · 03/09/2019 09:35

My relationship (under one year) ended yesterday and he's blocked me across all channels, WhatsApp Facebook Instagram and I'm guessing text.

A pattern was forming where he'd blow hot and cold so I addressed it yesterday for the second time as I was quite frankly sick of it and wanted to know where I stood once and for all.

After a tense exchange he apologised for the hot/cold stuff and cited having alot on his plate. I said that may be and I'm sorry to hear that but it doesn't give you an excuse to treat me like crap by blowing hot and cold.

He then told me he thinks it's best we leave it between us because he's a good person and I'm making him feel like shit about himself by saying that, he said goodbye and blocked me everywhere without a proper chance for me to respond.

All I did was point out the obvious that it's not ok to push/pull me at his convenience.

He was looking for a way out wasn't he?

I'm hurt that he felt the need to be as drastic as to cut me off completely, I was nothing but good to him. Just last week he was love bombing me with declarations of hope for the future and now this.

OP posts:
75Renarde · 03/09/2019 12:54

Yup hes a narc.

Yours is an unusual case as it's clear in your responses you are more annoyed than actually hurt. This is why you were disengaged from. He wasnt getting the energy the narc supply, he needed.

Those hot cold behaviours were instigated to get you to pump fuel. It musnt have worked.

You've done NC, well done AND told your mate not to relay infor. That's fucking magnificent work!

Rivkka · 03/09/2019 13:00

He'll be back 100%.

Be prepared for it and don't entertain him for a second.

Onemansoapopera · 03/09/2019 13:04

His social media is his own concern, and he is single so . But anyway yes he's left you in no doubt where you stand. I've been there and its crap but you'll be fine and so will he 🤷 I think it's better not to start thinking too negatively about him and just try and channel your kind thoughts that you put in your email because otherwise you might just subconsciously convince yourself you have terrible taste in men and pick another non starter and repeat the process again....

Bobbins19 · 03/09/2019 13:13

How old is he? He sounds so childish! I agree with everyone else that your so much better off without him. He will be back in touch some how and he will expect you will have been upset without him and be so pleased that hes back that you wont risk losing him again by questioning his behaviour!
As for changing his relationship to single on Facebook..... we all know those types of people are attention seeking !

Original poster
Blockedandfarted · 03/09/2019 13:50

He's 45 which is why I'm very Hmm about how he has gone about things, it's teenager behaviour not that of an adult man with a respectable job.

I think that he knows i was onto his game playing and didn't want to hear me tell him that again, so blocked me because his fragile ego cannot withstand being told he's anything less than perfect.

A few days ago after he'd gone silent I went to send him a breezy "Hey, how has your day been?" message on WhatsApp and it showed as seen immediately. He was sat on our message thread watching and waiting to see if I was online or going to message, clearly.

Once he got the attention he wanted, me messaging, he read it and went offline again and I left him to it.

I agree with what a PP said about him not getting the supply that he wants from me.

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QualCheckBot · 03/09/2019 13:54

45? How sad he is. He won't change. His destiny is to be a wrinkled man who will forever be looking around for that perfect woman, but never able to find her. Because women don't go for wrinkled mid forties men who spend too much time on the internet. He sounds like a real loser. Does he have a job? (the internet usage suggests not a very formal one, as most people would be too embarrassed that their colleagues might read this).

Mr. Vegan is really wrinkled, despite his suggestion to me that I should cheat with him because "its all over for women over 40".

Welliesandpyjamas · 03/09/2019 13:57

Laugh at him. Move on.

A handy mantra for dealing with any nonsense thrown at you throughout your life 🙂

Original poster
Blockedandfarted · 03/09/2019 13:59

Another big red flag was later on that evening he removed his WhatsApp profile picture and turned his phone off, so anything I would have sent then onwards wouldn't show as delivered and I would think that he had blocked me.

I saw through it straight away and now in hindsight it was a sign of things to come.

Most bizarrely, all of this came about after we'd had a wonderful week together where we both seemed very happy and made some fantastic memories. There was no reason for the devalue other than for the sake of devaluing itself.

He was paving the way for a big discard and wanted to have me on some sorts of emotional rollercoaster it seems.

I've now blocked him on email text and WhatsApp but can't block on Facebook as I'm blocked myself but if he does pop up there eventually I'll be quick to do the same.

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Original poster
Blockedandfarted · 03/09/2019 14:02

He does have a job yes, it is one which casts him as Mr important which I'm sure is wonderful for his ego.

I do plan to laugh about him, I'm going for tea with a friend who will no doubt echo everything you lot have told me here Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Blockedandfarted · 03/09/2019 14:04

And yes he is wrinkled.. and bald Grin

The ego is compensating for what he lacks elsewhere too.

Ok I'm done being bitter now. Just had a giggle Grin

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NameChangeNugget · 03/09/2019 14:05

He sounds like a right prick.

You’ve had a lucky escape

Richymondo · 03/09/2019 14:09

He'll be back.....just make sure you don't engage at all. It's really really difficult to ignore someone like this, but you just have to go cold turkey. You also need to stop thinking about him Literally every time he comes into your mind, deliberately think of something else...kittens, sunsets....or repeat to yourself "He is a total dick". Good luck, and don't give in otherwise you'll be back in the cycle and back on the board.

Original poster
Blockedandfarted · 03/09/2019 14:50

I'll be very surprised if he does come back but he'll be met with a brick wall should he decide to, onwards and upwards it is

OP posts:
whattodowith · 03/09/2019 14:56

I wouldn’t expect a 45 year old to act this way, he’s acted like an 18 year old. You’re better off without.

Rivkka · 03/09/2019 15:13

45?!!! Holy fuck what a sad sap.

Marking himself as single. He sounds like a 17year old.

Keep running op he's definitely one to swerve.

EKGEMS · 03/09/2019 15:57

I think the previous poster who called you "desperate" must've read a post differently than the 99% of the rest of us on here! He sounds like an emotionally stunted ninny!

ReanimatedSGB · 03/09/2019 20:22

Oh, one of those. He was probably fairly good looking in his younger days, might have been in a shite band, or had a bit part in some obscure film, or DJed somewhere, that sort of thing. Men like this have usually done a bit of something cool-ish in their youth, which gives them the idea that they are Better Than The Rest and that there will always be women panting after them. But the losers, the ones who didn't have the talent to make it (I know luck is worth more than talent, but a lot of the talented ones are somehow less likely to be absolute tossers if they don't hit megastardom) will spend the rest of their lives acting as though they are Somebody, even when they have become utterly ridiculous.

Emmas1985 · 04/09/2019 00:53

Sounds to me like he’s met someone else, instantly blocking you so you see nothing, hot and cold, talking to you when the OW isn’t? I’ve seen people do it to people they no longer want to be with

PhilCornwall1 · 04/09/2019 06:05

*said "what I wanted to say before you blocked me was that it was a pleasure knowing you, I'm sorry things didn't work out but I don't want our parting to be unpleasant. I wish you the best of luck for the future, do take care. No response nessecary"

I now regret sending that because I've made myself look desperate,.*

From a male perspective, I'm not seeing desperate in that message to him at all.

If anything, the "no response necessary" makes you look the opposite of desperate.

Scott72 · 04/09/2019 06:14

I'm not sure what "blowing hot and cold" means exactly here. My guess would be he wasn't doing this deliberately, its just part of his normal behavior. Your addressing this with him made him angry because, in his mind, he was being accused of something he didn't do, so he threw a bit of a tantrum.

Original poster
Blockedandfarted · 04/09/2019 09:15

By hot and cold I meant, for example, he goes from wanting to spend lots of time with me and showering me in texts and calls when we're not together to then avoiding committing to plans and being short and distant over the phone. Ignoring messages then posting casualty on social media and responding to others whilst blanking me for days at a time. Head games.

He kept me in a cycle of confusion whereby he would go from seeming loved up and happy with me to then being distant and hard to engage in conversation and nonchalant about seeing me saying how busy he is but finding the time to meet up with friends and do 100 other things but see me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blockedandfarted · 04/09/2019 09:19

Casually not casualty* sorry, type error

OP posts:
Original poster
Blockedandfarted · 04/09/2019 09:22

I caved last night and looked at his Twitter, I don't have it myself but his is public so I could see his posts.

He has retweeted a quote saying something about "she needs attention and without it she has no self worth, I pity folks like that"

I assume that's a nasty dig towards me and completely unfounded because if anything, he was the one who came on the strongest at times. I wish curiosity hadn't got the better of me and I won't be looking again.

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HennyPennyHorror · 04/09/2019 09:25

Anyone who knows him will know he's a dickhead. Tweets Like that prove it!

Honeyroar · 04/09/2019 09:32

You know it's not true, you didn't want attention because you've got no self worth - you wanted respect because you do have self worth! He's too much of a dick to work that out. Plus anyone over the age of 20 that posts memes like that just looks an idiot. Just be relieved you've got rid of him. It's a shame he couldn't be a better person throughout this, but there you go. You've behaved with nothing but dignity throughout this, he hasn't..