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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend has just blocked me, everywhere

169 replies

Blockedandfarted · 03/09/2019 09:35

My relationship (under one year) ended yesterday and he's blocked me across all channels, WhatsApp Facebook Instagram and I'm guessing text.

A pattern was forming where he'd blow hot and cold so I addressed it yesterday for the second time as I was quite frankly sick of it and wanted to know where I stood once and for all.

After a tense exchange he apologised for the hot/cold stuff and cited having alot on his plate. I said that may be and I'm sorry to hear that but it doesn't give you an excuse to treat me like crap by blowing hot and cold.

He then told me he thinks it's best we leave it between us because he's a good person and I'm making him feel like shit about himself by saying that, he said goodbye and blocked me everywhere without a proper chance for me to respond.

All I did was point out the obvious that it's not ok to push/pull me at his convenience.

He was looking for a way out wasn't he?

I'm hurt that he felt the need to be as drastic as to cut me off completely, I was nothing but good to him. Just last week he was love bombing me with declarations of hope for the future and now this.

OP posts:
Juells · 03/09/2019 10:34

he's a good person and I'm making him feel like shit about himself by saying that

Hilarious, if it wasn't so abusive. How dare you notice what he's doing, and make him feel bad about it?

Pinkbonbon · 03/09/2019 10:34

100% agree with chucklebuckles last post.

Oh and be very careful with mutual friends/fb as he will use them to spy on you/manipulate you.

Scarydinosaurs · 03/09/2019 10:36

Your email was great and he is the idiot.

Lucky escape. Don’t regret sending it- it’s given you a sense of closure he won’t ever get.

Original poster
Blockedandfarted · 03/09/2019 10:38

Yes Pinkbonbon, truth be told I did have my suspicions about narcissism because he does have form for punishing me with silent treatment, very subtly and always manages to make it look like it's in my head afterwards.

For example he could take a dislike to something I've said or done but instead of addressing it he'll just go silent and cool, when I pull him up on it he has stock excuses ready about how he wasn't ignoring me he was doing XYZ or had ABC going on.

Yes we were official and have met one another's families and spent time with our respective circles of friends as a couple.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blockedandfarted · 03/09/2019 10:40

Yes I did wonder the same actually LittleWing80

Absolutely Juells, it's classic projection isn't it

Thank you Scarydinosaurs you raise a good point, I think closure is important for us normal folk and I have managed to get that by sending what I sent and drawing a line under it.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 03/09/2019 10:47

Definitely well rid, just remember any further contact from him would just take you round and round in circles.

Well done for taking back control. Bet he'll shit himself when he realises you aren't coming running begging for him back xD but that's not your problem anymore lol.

Paddy1234 · 03/09/2019 10:49

I think you did perfect closure by sending that email.
Now don't you go spending any more time thinking about him and move forward ❤️

HennyPennyHorror · 03/09/2019 10:49

Definitely didn't make yourself look desperate. You were polite and classy about what he did.

Carthage · 03/09/2019 10:54

I think it's incredibly childish for a grown man to block you just because he's ended the relationship. And changing his relationship status immediately on social media. Is he 12? And the silent treatment really doesn't sound good either. It seems like his real self is starting to emerge and you've had a lucky escape OP.

LightTripper · 03/09/2019 10:55

I sent an e-mail very like that the one time I was ghosted at the end of a relationship many years ago before "ghosting" was even a word! I don't think it does any harm and it made me feel better because I had somewhat taken back control of the situation by drawing a line under it myself.

As a @Pinkbonbon said I also hoped that he wouldn't like me having the last word like that (who knows... but a bonus if true!)

It's upsetting when it happens (especially after a relatively long relationship!) but don't feel bad: he sounds like a drama llama. It won't be long before you feel relieved to be free of him!

DayDreamingAway · 03/09/2019 10:55

I had someone who blew hot and cold and it turned out they had another girlfriend. I even suspected it at one stage as I said to him, it always felt that you had another option. Turned out I wasn't wrong!

In my experience, when men go into the hot and cold phase, it makes you feel a bit mad as you question what you've done for them to behave that way. But actually what's happening is when the other one doesn't want them, they are present with you (hot) and when the other one is an option, they are cold with you.

Sounds like you've dodged a bullet.

Juells · 03/09/2019 10:58

I was stupid enough to marry someone like that. If I asked what I'd done to cause the 'blowing cold' I'd be told "You know what you've done". 😂

JingsMahBucket · 03/09/2019 10:59

The fact that he’s a middle aged man doing this is full of red flags. I, too, think he had someone else he was lining up. Count yourself lucky that you had a quick escape. This shit could’ve drug out for another 6 months while he fucked with your head. Been there, done that.

crustycrab · 03/09/2019 11:00

Have you now blocked him on everything including email?

CaptainJaneway62 · 03/09/2019 11:03

You need to block him and not give this man child any more head space.
You have had a very lucky escape.
The one advantage is that you realised early on that he was abusive and now you will be able to spot this kind of behaviour in any future relationships.
The best way to suss them out is to call them out on their behaviour every time and they will soon show their true colours.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 03/09/2019 11:04

I imagine he'll be back in contact in time when you have been sufficiently punished and he'll be gracious enough to give you a chance to apologise.

If he had said, "I dont have the time to dedicate to the relationship. I think it's best to call it quits." and then left it there. That would have been alright.

But his over dramatic flounce suggests he's biding his time and hoping that you will desperately miss him and fall back in line.

timshelthechoice · 03/09/2019 11:09

He's not a good person, he's a dick who got caught out. Block him on everything so he cannot get back in contact.

Curlyeyelash · 03/09/2019 11:15

Typically hot and cold men can never make their minds up, always have another woman they are more interested in and are able to cheat on you/drop you in a second with no remorse.

He's just looking to play games and by blocking you, he's doing the 'punishment and reward' tactic. He's made you feel small and powerless, the ball is in his court if you reach out to him again or respond to him if he reaches out to you.

Take back the control by cutting him off forever. Don't look back.

Jayaywhynot · 03/09/2019 11:15

Hes a coward and you behaved like a lady, I loved your email, very mature! Mine would have had a lot of swear words and threats of violence to his nether region. Wink hold your head up and move on, looks like you had a lucky escape Flowers

Original poster
Blockedandfarted · 03/09/2019 11:17

It didn't occur to me to block him in return as his flouncing seemed quite final in the moment, but if you think he might come back testing the waters later on I agree it's best to make sure that can't happen.

If he was lining somebody else up in the background I pity them, he must have been doing it on a dating app or somewhere other than social media because we were very much public with the relationship and I'd like to hope there wasn't an OW who knew about me but reciprocated advances regardless.

Yes it is very laughable that a middle aged man feels the need to declare the end of a relationship on social media, that is the type of dramatic outburst I would expect from a teenager.

I have every faith I will look back on this in a few weeks and laugh about dodging a huge bullet

OP posts:
Alpacathebag · 03/09/2019 11:19

I think this shows you exactly where you stand with him; he wanted someone who would pander to him and be pushed around and you have shown you won’t put up with it. You’re much better off without him.

JudgeJudyismyinspiration · 03/09/2019 11:20

You are well rid, what a delicate opinion he has of himself!

incognito1976 · 03/09/2019 11:22

Oh, he's clearly a dickhead. Fine to unfriend/unfollow someone you've split up with, but unless they're being actively unpleasant or harassing you with unwanted messages, but there's no need to block them. You're very much the better person here.

I think the email you sent was fine - it's your closure. But don't try to contact him again or it will make it look like his dramatic blockfest was justified.

crustycrab · 03/09/2019 11:22

He'll be back in touch. Don't fall for it.

And let him find that he's blocked when he tries!

tigerbear · 03/09/2019 11:22

I experienced something similar, not the blocking, but being dumped by text in a really cowardly way. I was desperate for answers, and he replied along the lines of saying that I was getting upset by stuff he’d previously always done before we met, ie going to the gym/training 7 days a week, building his Instagram profile (45 year old thinking he’s some sort of insta star), etc
At the time I was devastated, but looking back, I thank my lucky stars it didn’t continue.
Men like this are numpties and not worth dwelling on.
It’s his loss, and I know it’s hard, but try to move on.
Two years later, I’m now with - and getting married to - an incredible man who treats me with love, care and respect and is a million times better than that other guy.