**trigger warning, mentions incest porn** I don't know how to deal with this

[robotsocks]

I apologise for this, but I can't talk to people in real life and I don't know what to do. Ive name changed obviously.

A few weeks ago we were having a clear out, DH went to the tip but left his phone at home. I picked it up to google something.
I can't remember now what I was googling or what popped up in the search bar that made me check his history, but I did.
I probably have checked his history at some point before, but I know he clears his history often because he tells me it's recommended, he's commented when hes seen my billion tabs etc.
The night before, he had spent the night downstairs with our youngest toddler (we have several children) to give me a break.
His history showed that he had watched some normal porn videos (I personally don't like him watching porn but that's not everyone's opinion I know) but he'd been visiting sort of sex stories online. The way they were written was disgusting, the way they talked about the women. Again, not the end of the world.
But he'd been looking at Incest stories. Ive got to stress there were no children involved, it was all adults. But the one that I can't get out of my head involved a man having sex with his sister, then his mother, his aunt was involved too and the thing is the names were literally letters away from our family members. Not using real names but the sister/our daughter were like Eliza/Elisabeth and they are both uncommon names, the mother/DH mother like Annie/Anna, the aunt like Rachel, DH sister is Rach
At first I honestly thought maybe he wrote it, that's how close the names are. I almost threw up.
We have had conversations in the past because his relationship with his mother had crossed some lines, even his family members had commented on it to me. She enjoyed the fact that they were sometimes mistaken for a couple. He assures me that it looks bad but there was no inappropriate contact between them.
I told my dad at the time because I asked DH to go stay at theirs, I couldn't even look at him for days. My dad basically said blokes do things like this, it doesn't mean anything, just fantasy etc.

I let DH back in, but my head is such a mess. There were no child abuse stories but does his interest in this make him a risk to our children?? Even if my Dad is right and men do shit like this, I don't believe that men are just animals with no self control so that excuse really pisses me off. He admitted masturbating to that story, I called him sick and I can't help it I still feel that way. We have been intimate since but even the thought of kissing him makes me sick to my stomach.
What the fuck do I do with this?

@tolerable I never have before and I agree its messed up. DH is aware that if I had spent time with him and his mum before we married and seen tgeir relationship, I wouldn't have married him.

I find the whole relationship with his mother troubling. I think there is a chance he was groomed and/or abused as a child. I know he told you he wasn't, but many people find it incredibly hard to disclose.
What many people don't understand is that children who are abused can experience sexual pleasure. This seriously fucks you up. You are scared, confused, etc, yet your body reacts how it's designed to react. Then you feel complicit and think you wanted the abuse to happen. This of course will all be reinforced by the abuser. It's sick and not something anyone wants to talk about. Sadly, it's not uncommon.
I think your husband needs counseling and perhaps you do too.

I really feel for you. It's a horrible situation to be in.

No, no one suggested that. But what I am saying is that, and this seems to have surprised people, is that fantasy and porn use isn’t a) necessarily as private as people imagine, and b) don’t pretend it doesn’t say something about you. It does. Okay, nobody knows most of the time, but really don’t get deluded, the type of porn you like says something about you. And you can’t stamp your feet and insist that your scat incest BDSM taste (to choose an extreme) or whatever is unimportant. It’s part of your psychology.

You are NOT overreacting at all. So basically it's still up in the air whether he actually wrote the story or not? Why would he read stories about a man having sex with his mum, sister and auntie anyway unless he has had those thoughts?

I would have thrown up too! It's a very weird thing to get into and start searching for. I get porn and I get why it gets people off but this type of porn/erotica? 🤔. I think I'd have been less shocked if it was gay porn as at least that's a normal curiosity but incest porn and reading stories with women's names that are similar to your daughters, mum's and sisters? That's just plain F'd up

@LexMitior
Oh I'm far from deluded I'm sure the porn each of us like (or are against) says something about us.
I don't disagree without at all.
What is private anymore.

I wonder what my preference says about me 🤔🧐 lol

Sorry-wasn't finished. The post about covert\emotional abuse is very relevant. To him. That doesn't necessarily make this any easier for you.
I don't think you were "intrusive on his fanatsies" as much as genuinely disturbed by them.

As PP have said, reading pornagraphic stories is different to watching vids. With a video it’s just there in front of your face. Very little situational narrative is given, it’s just the pornagraphic content. It’s hardly like back in the day when it was the plumber coming round to fix the washing machine etc. With written porn it’s about the situation, the description, the anticipation and the build up, all of that is as important as the sex bits, or whatever the climactic scene is. It’s more of an investment of time and imagination.

For example, there might be a video on pornhub titled, I don’t know, ‘hot young stud with huge cock fucks step mum slut.’ I don’t watch porn so I don’t know what the damn things are called. Anyway someone could watch that and not give a fuck whether it’s really the stepmum or not. It’s all about the visual stimulation, and fucking is fucking, regardless of who’s in it or whether they’re related in the way they say they are. You’d never know anyway.

With a book the fiction is deliberately created, it’s not just a click bate title. The story is the attraction, not just, ‘oh, she’s hot.’

Anyway, I’ll ask the PPs posting on this thread that it’s no biggy, would you be comfortable leaving your toddler in the care of a man who engaged with, got aroused by, and masturbated to porn during that time?

There’s a lot of minimising going on here. None of this is alright.

Anyway, I’ll ask the PPs posting on this thread that it’s no biggy, would you be comfortable leaving your toddler in the care of a man who engaged with, got aroused by, and masturbated to porn during that time?

If my OH put my kids to bed then went to our room and had a wank, no. I wouldn't have a problem with my kids being in the house.
If i did... considering no one has our two kids ever!!! When would we have sex or masturbate!??? Surely.... when our kids are in bed asleep??
Or am I missing something and we should be in the garden or the street down the road down an alley?? Far far away.

If my OH was sharing a sofa with my child who was asleep next to him.. yes I would.have a problem. I would ask why the hell 1) if I was upstairs why he didn't want sex.
And 2) why the hell he didn't leave the room and wanked next to my child on the same sofa!!!!!

@Whatisthisfuckery

Really interesting comparison between a video and written erotica. I'd also add that it's probably harder to be aroused by written sex stories, especially if you've been watching videos before.

It doesn't seem stimulating enough.

The fact that he's able to get off on just this written scenario is slightly more concerning than if he were just clicking any random video on Pornhub. He must really like it...

I don't think you're overreacting op. And as a pp stated, reading porn is very differentbto watching. I prefer reading (literotica was the site that springs to mind) and the reason for that was because, much like any other literature, you get to create the characters in your head. That's why this is concerning op. This is not just a video made with actors (who never have names anyway). The posters being dismissive here are missing quite a lot of the nuances in this situation.

With regards to pornographic word vs pornographic movies, there is nothing more sinister about reading than watching.

Reading stimulates the imagination. There is usually a better plot. No terrible acting to put you off. You have more of a build up to the action - often the most exciting bit ... and you get transported to a world where anything goes.

It still doesn’t mean that the reader would do or wants the same from real life.

It’s like the Harry Potter book v the Harry Potter movie. The book is far better. I don’t want to be a wizard either way though.

I just checked out an erotica site full of stories and every other one was incest based! On reading one, I noted that the focus was more to do with power balance. Perhaps it’s the dominance and submission that gets op’s Hubby going?

People are not trying to minimise a gigantic problem. People are simply saying, you don’t have to be hasty or start the histrionics. The chances are it’s just a bit of fantasy - and that in their own personal time, be it when the kids are asleep, each and everyone of us is entitled to that without the need for shaming.

Now, if the op had noticed her DH behaving inappropriately with the children, or if he had been looking at illegal material, I would have a different view. This doesn’t so far appear to be the case.

But the OP has witnessed inappropriate behaviour between her DH and his mother. So the background is the problem with incest porn.

I don’t see it I’m afraid. But I’m just one opinion.
Mother sounds a bit apron strings-y; he sounds a bit coddled, but ‘inappropriate’? That’s stretching it a bit and very subjective.

I don’t hug or kiss my own dad. He’s not the cuddly type. My friend sits on her dad’s knee whilst still in a bath towel after a shower. (At 21). Weirds me out a bit, but it’s pretty normal to them and nothing sinister in it.

But the OP has witnessed inappropriate behaviour between her DH and his mother. So the background is the problem with incest porn.

If OP has "witnessed inappropriate behaviour" to the point that she thinks he wants to sleep with his own mother and fantasies about it then, she could have and still can just leave him.
I for one would have left if I think he wants to sleep with his own mum!

He watched / read porn. Just so happens that particular night it was incest.

The night or week before it could have been man on man... foot fetish... rape scene fantasies! You put the 2 together because it was an incest fantasy.
He must have been absolutely mortified to have to explain what he wants to wank to and the fact you've told his father in law.

OP said if she had spent any time with her DH and his mum, she wouldn’t have married him. So I think she’s not comfortable with something, whatever it is. Therefore the incest porn has disturbed her.

@Roozy123, I agree about the OP having the choice of leaving. If you think your DH wants to have sex with his mum, I don’t understand why you’d a) hang around and b) have sex with him.

But also with no strange background, I wouldn’t be ok with my DP watching rape porn etc. I don’t think it’s reasonable to just think “oh well, he likes incest/rape/children/animals” and think it’s fine because it’s only a fantasy.

@Roozy123, I mean “if one thought their DH wants to have sex with his mum” NOT THAT I THINK YOUR DH WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH HIS MUM. Just to be clear!!

If i thought my dh wanted to have sex with his mum I would run for the hills.

Bringing children into ADULT sexual fantasy isn't just a fantasy though is it. That's a paedophile..getting off watching children. It's so far beyond going on a porn site and watching 2 adults act out a fantasy..

I don’t think it’s black and white personally. There are videos of VERY young looking adults, pretending to be children. It’s all legal, but it’s very disturbing.

@Derbee
Their is porn that is old and young etc. You even get adults dressed up to look younger.... but if your OH or DH is looking at child porn you ring the police.

This is going so off subject of a man caught out walking in his home by his wife.
He could have literally been looking at anything the nights before - I think this is worse for op because how she feels about dh and his mum together.

That's my opinion. The man had a wank to a fantasy story. He wasn't thinking of his bloody mother and himself.

Apologise for the grammar and spelling mistakes before I get ripped to pieces. I'm dyslexic and very tired which does not help lol. I apologise. I can't edit once posted 😑

I watch porn myself. Some I have clicked on have made me feel sick!!! And others I enjoy... but that video that made me feel sick someone else is getting off at.
Each to their own when it comes to this

I understand where you’re coming from, but I think the OP is further disturbed by the names etc. I guess it’s all subjective, and what you’re ok with your partner doing, or not doing.

@Derbee
Yes I agree. What I may not like my OH doing or watching you or someone else may be fine with and vice versa.

I think personally this reaction stems from ops feelings towards dh and his mother.
I hope they can both be happy and move on from this

I'm not so sure. But then I think coming from an abusive childhood can make you soook a lot easier. I'd be uncomfortable if a partner was keen on rape/incest/violent porn. I think the op has valid reasons for feeling the way she does.

Spook. Sorry!