What my husband said...

[Cerealmner]

I find my husband's some of my behaviour quite upsetting. It involves his hobbies. I don't want to go into detail.

I explained how I feel. He has responded with:
" I think my behaviour is reasonable."
"If it upsets you thats your problem."
" If the upset is causing a bad atmosphere at home and around pur children then we need to separate."

He says he won't leave though.

So I basically accept stuff even if it upsets me.

I feel like I'm commumicating with a lump of concrete. He says he is not responsible for my feelings, I am.

I have offered a compromise and he has said point blank "no."

How do I deal with this attitudeof his ? I'm upset and now stumped by what he has said. He has found a way to condone him.not caring about my feelings which surely is ludicrous?

Apologies for the typos.
My head is all over the place, it should still make sense.

I was with someone that used stock phrases like that for a while. He's an ex for a reason. Turns out he was a controlling, manipulative piece of shit.

To be honest I find it v hard to comment without knowing what his hobbies are/behaviour is.

Sorry, I should have added, have you suggested marriage counselling? If he suggests separation but won't leave I'm guessing he expects you to leave.

Has he said why?

I agree with a pp, it would be easier to comment if we knew what the behaviour was. He does sound like an arse with zero concern for your feelings though.

Without knowing what the hobby is it's so difficult to advise. Playing golf once a week seems reasonable. Going to a strip club or playing poker in a casino which is affecting family finances not so reasonable.

I know you don't want to say what the hobby is but what are the issues it's creating? Lack of funds or family time??

OP - it’s hard to say without knowing more.
Not any expression of upset by one partner has to lead to the apology & change by another partner.
People can disagree on what is reasonable. It’s not an absolute concept - it’s relative.
It also depends history of the relationship and how you both are.

So - impossible to comment, really

Knowing what it is will help people's responses.
However, because of resent threads I suspect it may have something to do with porn?

Without knowing what the hobby is it's so difficult to advise. Playing golf once a week seems reasonable. Going to a strip club or playing poker in a casino which is affecting family finances not so reasonable.

Absolutely - depends what it is....

Refusing to discuss things and be considerate is usually unreasonable.

However as everyone is saying, if you don't want to go into more detail that's your right but what you've posted is to vague for anyone to really help with advice or form an opinion.

How do I deal with this attitudeof his ? I'm upset and now stumped by what he has said. He has found a way to condone him.not caring about my feelings which surely is ludicrous?

You don’t deal with it. He doesn’t care about your feelings and he isn’t going to change. You either need to lump it -unhappily for the rest of you life- or leave and make a happy life of your own.

For what it's worth my (abusive) ex husband used to be like this and make me feel like this (head all over the place). He now has a criminal conviction - I never thought it would happen to me

He is telling you who he is, he is telling you that he does not care about you, your feelings, or your emotions. He is showing you how little you matter in his life now.

A selfish pig
get rid

You haven't given enough information for me to feel able to advise What problems do his hobby create, for example?

It'll be cycling. There's something about it that makes some men turn into selfish arses who then hog the entire weekend with their hobbies, abandoning their wives and kids to zoom around the countryside in tight lycra.

Unless it’s an incredibly niche hobby that only 5 people in the country do, just spit it out ffs

Does he make collages of lady’s private bits?
Is he a wrestler and spends the day in character?
Does he paint with bodily fluids?
Does he go dogging?

It's model railways isn't it?

Or cycling/ iron man?

Hmm or dogging/ cottaging ...

Or 5000 piece jigsaws done gradually on the living room floor, leaving your toddlers nowhere to play for weeks at a time.

Or cat burglary.

But probably, yes, cycling or marathon/ triathlon/ iron man shit.

Does he expect you to watch?

Or drag! He's a drag queen...

It’s cycling or cricket. Bet cha.

Depends on the reasonableness of the hobby as people have said above and also how much he shares childcare/chores.

A couple of hours a week for hobby - don’t think that is too bad.
1 whole day every weekend and no family time during the week - i would consider this excessive.

Do you have hobbies/social events where he takes over the kids and you can do similarly?

In some ways it makes your choices a lot clearer. Like it or lump it.

Are you saying that you are dumped with the kids all the time? Or the house and childcare burdens are unfair. If so, you have every reason to be upset, or angry. If it is fair, then it's a case of whether you are happy in the relationship.