What my husband said...

[Cerealmner]

I find my husband's some of my behaviour quite upsetting. It involves his hobbies. I don't want to go into detail.

I explained how I feel. He has responded with:
" I think my behaviour is reasonable."
"If it upsets you thats your problem."
" If the upset is causing a bad atmosphere at home and around pur children then we need to separate."

He says he won't leave though.

So I basically accept stuff even if it upsets me.

I feel like I'm commumicating with a lump of concrete. He says he is not responsible for my feelings, I am.

I have offered a compromise and he has said point blank "no."

How do I deal with this attitudeof his ? I'm upset and now stumped by what he has said. He has found a way to condone him.not caring about my feelings which surely is ludicrous?

He has said that I clearly dont care for his feelings either, expecting him to miss an event he's attended every year since being very young

It is bizarre when you consider that most adults evolve and change as they age. He isn't wearing the same clothes, eating the same food, seeing the same friends, watching the same TV shows. He has grown up got married, had children so routines change.

What do you think he gets from attending the event? Status, fun?? Whatever it is, it's more than his love or care for you.

However as you say..he generally gets his own way so suspect this is a pattern, rather than a one off.

@Brainfart, I suspect you are in that rare % that can balance life. I think its status and avoiding midlife that they seek. I know one middle aged man who takes his training bike on holidays to ensure he still keeps up his training routine, his objective is to shave seconds of his PB.
We also had a woman post here about her partner putting her through hell on holiday as forced her to cycle in the extreme heat.

Well, I would find a way to move in with DM / friends etc, whatever it takes, and divorce the bugger. Then he will have to have the children every other weekend and let's see how his golfing career flourishes then.

Seriously, you would be better off without this man in your life. What sort of c* deliberately - deliberately - and knowing it causes distress, refuses to celebrate his wife's birthday with her?

@Techway

I agree entirely that it is avoiding mid-life, trying desperately to cling to some of the glory and vitality of youth. However, as a middle-aged man, you really should have the sense to see that "Local Golf Tournament Participant" (nevermind winner), just isn't impressing anybody worth impressing (much like the sports car, or the comb-over), and certainly isn't worth disrupting your family life over.

Sorry, comb-over is a little old-fashioned. Hair reseeding, or whatever it is that Wayne Rooney has...